


Midnight Train to Georgia

by Shenandoah_Risu



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Light Bondage, Missing Scene, Multi, Season/Series 05, Threesome - F/F/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-02 17:21:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 62,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2820137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shenandoah_Risu/pseuds/Shenandoah_Risu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who is Declan? Who is the man opposite Walter White in the scene with the unforgettable demand "Say My Name"? Declan's life changed even more profoundly during the time he did business with Heisenberg and his legacy, thanks to a journey of discovery in his personal life.</p><p>"Some people come into our lives, make footprints on our hearts and we are never the same."<br/>- Joseph Newton</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Train to Georgia

**Author's Note:**

> [Declan](http://breakingbad.wikia.com/wiki/Declan) is a local meth manufacturer and distributor in Phoenix, Arizona. In Season 5 of "[Breaking Bad](http://breakingbad.wikia.com/wiki/Declanhttp://www.amctv.com/shows/breaking-bad)" Mike Ehrmantraut and Jesse Pinkman attempt to sell their share of 1000 gallons of methylamine from a train heist to Declan, who is interested not only in the product, but to also get a rival product, Heisenberg's infamous Blue Sky, off the market. But things do not go as planned: Instead of bringing home the expected methylamine Declan becomes a distributor for Heisenberg's meth. Eventually Declan takes on Heisenberg's apprentice Todd, and as things don't go well Todd's revenge becomes Declan's death sentence. The story looks at Declan's life during this time period. It's a watershed time in his life, not only for his business but also for his personal life - and for his past.
> 
> Although Declan appeared only in three episodes in Season 5 of "Breaking Bad" they were pivotal, and the "Say My Name" scene became a metaphor for the entire series and Walter White's inevitable slide into hubris.
> 
> People will tolerate even the most difficult of circumstances to be with the one they love - the brain so often becomes a slave to the heart. And often it is that unconditional love that overcomes the biggest obstacles. Love survives.
> 
> I was also interested in how someone else's decisions can affect an entire group of people. No man is an island. Every violent death affects others who suffer a loss they cannot comprehend.
> 
> Who mourned Declan? This story provides an answer.
> 
> My thanks go to Vince Gilligan for the creation of this landmark TV series, and especially to Louis Ferreira for his stellar portrayal of Declan, which inspired this story.
> 
> Artwork for this story can be found below.

 

  **Midnight Train To Georgia**

 

 _I've got to be with him_  
_On that midnight train to Georgia_  
_I'd rather live in his world_  
_Than live without him in mine_  
_(Gladys Knight)_

 

“Go with the burgundy.”

Declan looks up in surprise. He’s in a men’s clothing store at the mall, trying to decide between a dark blue and a burgundy shirt. There’s a girl standing across from him at the display table, winking at him.

“Go with the burgundy,” she repeats, pointing at the shirt.

“Oh yeah? And why is that?”

The girl – well, she’s actually much older than he first thought, so – the _woman_ turns back to him, places her hands on the wooden surface and looks at him with narrowed eyes.

“Casual business meeting,” she says. “High stakes, right? Burgundy is warm but calm. Royal. You know? Like a fine wine. Sophisticated. Not harsh, but not wussy either.”

Declan looks around quickly, wary of strangers that make contact without him knowing them, but the store is busy and nobody pays attention to him.

“Okay,” he says slowly. “What makes you the expert?”

The woman shrugs. “I do that for a living.”

“You work here?”

“Nope. Good heavens, no. Costume designer for a production company.”

“Ah.”

“Take the black shirt, too. Just in case. Always classy. Can’t go wrong with that. Wear that one for the first meeting, then follow up with the burgundy. You’ll see.”

She waves and turns away.

Declan stares after her, then looks at the shirt. He actually really likes the burgundy one but he has been leaning towards a blue one. Still, what the woman said makes a lot of sense. He picks up the two shirts and heads for the register.

***

She’s got her indulgence of the day – a peach Jamba Juice smoothie – and this is her favorite part of her research: people watching by the fountain. She takes copious notes about random strangers: what they’re wearing, what she thinks of their choices, their possible backgrounds, their character stories.

A tall bald man catches her attention. Jeans, white t-shirt, black leather jacket. Sunglasses on top of his head. She starts scribbling. Bodyguard. Way too put-together to be a casual biker dude. The clean white shirt is a dead give-away. Possibly gay. Maybe a mall cop in plainclothes. Or better yet, an undercover detective on a clandestine stakeout. And where there’s one, there must be others.

She looks around – and there’s Indecisive Man from the clothing store. He smiles and holds up a shopping bag. She cocks her head and laughs. He wipes his lips and walks up to her, opening the bag to show her the contents. She peers inside – a black button-down shirt, and the burgundy one, the one with the zipper.

“My report card?” Indecisive Man points at her notes.

“Research.”

“Oh?” He sits down next to her on the backless bench.

“I’m doing a contemporary drama, a mall scene, so I’m learning about what people are wearing. So it all looks realistic. Slice-of-life stuff.” She holds out her hand. “I’m Kaya.”

The man takes her hand. His grip is soft, strong. She likes that in a guy.

“Declan,” he says. “So, what did you find out?”

She shows him her notes. “For example: see this bald guy over there? Been watching him for a while… oh, and now it looks like he’s watching us! You know him?”

Declan grins. “Oh yes.”

Kaya consults her notes. “Bodyguard? Parole officer? Lover?”

Declan leans in a little. “And what if he was?”

She studies his face. Brown eyes, neatly trimmed beard, slightly unruly curly brown hair. She blows out a breath. “What if that really turned me on?”'

Declan squints. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

He laughs. “His name is Morse. He’s my driver.”

“Ah – your _driver_.” She nods appreciatively, trying to mask her growing attraction and fighting a blush sneaking onto her cheeks. “Morse – as in-“

“Code. Yes.”

“First or last?”

“First.”

She writes down his name. “That’s an awesome name. Hi Morse!”

She waves at him. Morse politely inclines his head.

“So, your driver. Wait, wait, wait, don’t tell me.” Kaya leans back a little. “Bored brat? No… loaded lottery winner? Hmm, maybe. Guy who partied too hard and lost his license? Uh… no.”

Declan smiles at her.

“Drug kingpin,” she finally decides. “Some high-end designer drug for rich kids.”

Declan chuckles. “Sounds good to me. Tell me about the work you do.”

And Kaya explains what she does for the movie and television production company. Her specialty is background characters, the crowd scenes, the big picture. Sometimes, when she deals with extras, she sends out clothing guidelines to the group and then swaps out pieces as needed. For the higher-end budget films, she prefers to dress everybody according to her research.

“So you dress movie stars, too?”

Kaya nods. “Occasionally. Depends on the feature. Smaller productions and television, mostly. Big-budget stuff, I like doing the crowds.”

Declan nods. “I must admit I’ve never thought about that.”

“Then I’m doing a good job. It’s supposed to look natural.”

***

Time flies. Declan is fascinated by Kaya’s line of work, and infinitely grateful that she doesn’t ask him about his. Oh, sure, he has his cover story – metal recycling of precious and rare industrial metals, mostly platinum, gold, silver, titanium and others used in electronics, aircraft and other special applications. In his line of work Declan gets around quite a bit. Many of his business meetings are in former factories in rather run-down places or in junk yards way out in the badlands somewhere. But it turns out that Kaya is either truly not interested or – and he suspects that’s the case – she’s had him figured out from the first moment, and she really doesn’t give a shit.

“How long were you watching me, back in there?”

Kaya turns a page. “Umm, about five minutes. I mean, I could tell you weren’t the kind of guy who needs a girl to tell him what to wear, but I saw those wheels cranking,” – she twirls a finger at his head – “and I couldn’t resist. I’m not in the habit of providing free fashion advice.”

“Fashion advice!”

“As I said, you don’t seem to need it. So tell me, was I close?”

Well, there it goes, Declan thinks. “Yeah. Business meeting, out there.” He makes a vague gesture. “Old aircraft assembly plant.”

Kaya nods. “Right, aircraft.” Clearly she has her own ideas of what it is he does, but the fact that she doesn’t push him intrigues him. “I like my version better. The element of danger. The seedy side of life. The unexpected face of it.” She makes a note.

“So, watching me and Morse go at it would be your thing?”

Kaya shrugs. “Two good-looking guys – what’s not to love? I’d join right in.”

Declan laughs out loud. He likes her sense of humor, the fact that even his laugh meant something to her, and truthfully, while he never had any designs whatsoever on Morse – he’s his most trusted colleague – somehow he finds the idea of a threesome strangely arousing.

“I don’t think Morse would go for that.”

“What about you?”

Declan searches her face. Her eyes are dark, and he can almost feel the heat waves of arousal coming from her body. He tries to shake the thought.

“It’s the 21st century,” he says. “It’s all good. As long as there are no strings attached.”

“Really.” Kaya perks up. “And here I had you pegged for the bondage type.”

Declan coughs. This is getting a little creepy, because the sheer thought of it makes his pants a lot less roomy.

“Gotcha,” Kaya grins and points her pen at him. “Okay, I tie you up and Morse watches.”

Declan manages a laugh. “That might take some convincing.”

“You, or Driver Dude?”

He studies her for a moment.

“I’m afraid there’s really no good answer to that,” he finally allows.

What the hell? He’s known this chick for all of half an hour and they’re talking about bondage sex and voyeurism?

He looks up at Morse who tilts his head. Kaya notices as well, of course.

“I gotta go,” Declan says.

“Yeah, I figured.”

He gets up, hesitates. “Listen, it was great talking to you.”

“You too.”

He searches his pockets – of all the days today he doesn’t have a business card on him. He gestures at his companion. Morse strolls over to them and hands him a card.

Declan scribbles his cell phone number on the back.

“I’d like to know more about crowd dressing,” he says, a little awkwardly. “Maybe you can give me a tour some time?”

Kaya tears out a page of her notebook, writes down her number and hands it to him. “Sure thing.”

“I'll call you,” Declan says.

Kaya nods as he leaves, then quickly picks up his bag and hands it to him.

“Don’t forget these,” she says.

Declan smiles. “I won’t.”

He feels her eyes boring into the space between his shoulder blades as he walks away.

“You okay?” Morse asks him.

“Find out who she is.” He hands Morse the sheet of paper. “Kaya. Check the local film companies. There can’t be that many with her name.”

“It’s Hopi,” Morse says.

“Oh yeah? She didn’t look particularly Native to me.”

“The _name_. The name is Hopi. I had a girlfriend in High School named Kaya. Besides, she could be a mix.”

“Tru dat,” Declan nods. “She wants to watch you fuck me.”

Morse stops and looks at him. “I hope you didn’t volunteer my services, Declan.”

Declan chuckles at his friend’s righteous indignation. “’Course not. She’d also be amenable to you watching while she ties me up and fucks me.”

Morse unlocks the car and opens the door for Declan.

“I could be talked into that. Watching you is my job, after all.”

“Well, have her checked out. Get Steve on it. I want to make sure she’s not a mole. Not like that balloon store woman.”

“Don’t remind me,” Morse says and starts the SUV. “Or the brain surgeon. Or the yoga instructor.”

Declan groans at the bad memories.

“You’re a tough guy, Declan, but you have exquisitely bad taste when it comes to women.”

“Thanks, Morse.”

“You’re welcome.”

***

Kaya wanders off to get a coffee at Starbucks – a Grande Americano with extra room, so it’s less watery, and for cream. Soy milk, actually – she likes the taste better. She tries to take notes but her concentration is shot. She pulls out Declan’s card and wishes it had his picture on it, but it’s just got a stylized quartz crystal and “Aqua Aura Metallurgy”. Below it says “Metal Sourcing and Recycling”.

“Aqua Aura,” she mumbles.

There it is again – that sense of layering, of something else behind the mask. Kaya understands crystals, and she owns a few pieces of aqua aura which she loves and cherishes. The metallic blue color, the perfect synthesis of nature’s beauty and human ingenuity, the mysterious glow – yes, she can see why Declan’s company would use this logo.

No way is he in recycling, she knows that for sure. It’s a good cover story, though, she has to admit. He’s definitely involved in something illegal, because every scrap dealer she’s ever met has gone on and on about antique cars and environmental laws, whereas he seemed far more interested in what she’s doing. Besides, no scrap metal dealer needs a driver. Although, he could be into recycling precious metals – titanium, gold contacts from old computers and such.

Undoubtedly someone is going to check up on her. Actually, she hopes someone will check up on her. She wants to see Declan again. The number on the back of the card could be totally bogus. The front most certainly is – some work-from-home office that’s trained to disperse information about times to drop off items, and what types of metals are accepted, bla bla bla. She has half a mind to call him right now, but that would make her look desperate.

Kaya isn’t desperate by any means. She’s happy with her lifestyle and her on-again off-again lovers. But she’s never met anyone like Declan.

He’s so not her type, it’s not even funny. She tends to go for the darker Hispanic ones – preferably Caribbean – and she also has a thing for tall blonde blue-eyed bookish people. Declan is short by her standards, barely taller than she is. She’s not much for facial hair and messy dos, but Declan is different. There is an air of peace and groundedness about him. He’s smart, very smart, she picked up on that quickly. And while somewhat domestic and teddybearish looking there was a bit of the wild guy there. The fact he didn’t run the other way when she mentioned a threesome, and clearly she’s struck a nerve with the bondage idea.

She sighs.

“Please call me soon,” she whispers.

Her coffee is getting cold.

***

“She’s totally clean.” Morse hands Declan a slim manila folder. “Hard to believe there are women like her in Phoenix. Her maternal grandmother is Hopi, still lives on the reservation. No other relatives, both parents deceased. Alcoholics. Two younger brothers. One lives in Virginia and is ABD for French Poetry, the other one teaches high school in Colorado. They’re not close. Occasional phone calls but no regular contact.”

Declan looks through the folder.

“Who are all these people?”

Morse gestures. “Friends, lovers, business associates. Most are in film, theatre, television. A bunch of actors. She gets around. Seems to be a loose group of free-loving peeps. If this were the sixties you might call them hippies. Except there’s no drug use. None of them even smoke. Well, except that one dancer, the gay one. And the brother in Virginia.”

“What about the bondage angle?”

Morse squirms a little.

“They’re all into it, but nothing hard-core. No clubs or anything. All stuff ordered off the internet, check in the back there. Steve says he’s never seen a more vanilla group of people. All married to their jobs and to no one else. The brothers are married, but none of the friends.”

“Bondage amateurs?”

Morse nods.

“Okay. When are we meeting Mike and his guys?”

“We gotta go in about half an hour.”

“All right. Let me grab my stuff.”

***

Of course she dresses two background extras as Declan and Morse. The director places them at a café table near the fountain. Kaya shakes her head – these two appear to be talking about Legos or something; there is nothing about the quiet mystery surrounding Declan and the solid presence of his driver here.

It’s been a few weeks and she hasn’t heard from him.

She finally takes the business card out of her wallet and puts it on her dresser. She goes back to work and almost forgets about the whole thing.

***

Declan’s met Mike before, when he was still working for Gus Fring.

He himself has known Fring, in passing, and when he heard of his demise, he was cautiously optimistic that Fring’s famous Blue Sky would be off the market, but evidently his cook Heisenberg somehow escaped the carnage. Still, Declan sees an opportunity to increase his distribution area, and when Mike offers him a tank full of methylamine he knows he has to jump at the chance to get the superior meth off the market. He looks at his fake business card and barks out a laugh. Aqua Aura my ass, he thinks.

But then it all goes very differently from what he expected. He doesn’t come home with a tank full of methylamine – instead he carries fifty pounds of Heisenberg’s Blue Sky back with him, and a promise to shut down his own operation and become a distributor. Yeah, right, a promise. More like the only way out!

“Say my name,” Heisenberg had demanded. Not in a threatening way, but leaving absolutely no doubt about who was in charge in this whole deal.

Declan thinks of the magic of names, and how knowing someone’s name is a form of power. Heisenberg twisted the whole concept around, using it as a tribute of sorts. It was a subdual, meant only for him to understand. Declan got the message, loud and clear. He’s no threat to Heisenberg, but like it or not he just became part of the Blue Sky empire.

Declan’s not happy about closing down his lab, but Heisenberg was right: he makes far more money selling the blue stuff than he ever could have made with his old P2P cook and massive quantities of industrial strength food coloring.

Of course, it’s all a matter of time, he knows. Sooner or later Heisenberg will run out of methylamine, and then things can go back to how they were before. Meanwhile his cook Kevin takes a paid leave of absence in Tahiti, scuba diving and sipping tropical drinks with little paper umbrellas, while Declan is looking for something to replace the temporarily lost thrill of his lab.

And that’s when he calls Kaya.

***

One afternoon while she’s all tied up – literally – and two of her best friends are taking their turns with her, she suddenly thinks about Declan, and an intense vision of him pounding into her makes her come harder than she can ever remember.

“Wow, Kaya,” her friend Justin gasps, “What did I do? ‘Cause I want to do that again!”

“I hate to tell you, it wasn’t you, but thanks anyway. Shower?”

And while she’s toweling her hair and her friends clean up, her phone rings.

“Hey, Kaya. It’s Declan Cumberland.”

She recognizes his voice immediately.

“Declan!”

“Yeah. Sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been in New Mexico.”

“Rare metals?”

“Platinum, mostly. Hey, you were right with the burgundy. I lost out on one business deal I had hoped for, but instead I got another offer that’s, well, a whole lot better. Blew my mind. What have you been up to?”

“Hold on, let me put on a robe.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Been thinking about you, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Been busy. Shoot went well. Doing a documentary right now.”

“On threesomes?”

“Not this very minute, silly. At work, I meant. The threesome was strictly for fun.”

There is a pause.

“TMI,” Declan finally says. “I’m back in town. Would you like to have dinner?”

“When?”

“This weekend?”

“Sounds good. We wrap Friday night, so I got time.”

“Okay. I’ll call you. Say hi to your two guys.”

“A guy and a girl, actually.”

Declan snickers. “Even better.”

She hangs up, grinning from ear to ear.

“Good news?” her other friend and roommate Isabel asks.

“Serious hottie,” she answers. “He’s a drug dealer.”

“Kaya!”

“Okay, Junk Yard Owner.”

“Better. Be careful, Kaya.”

“No worries. He’s very sweet. Although I sense some interest.”

“Can’t wait to meet him.”

“I’m afraid you won’t. He’s… kind of private.”

“Well, what’s his thing?”

“Not sure. I just met him, coupla weeks ago, at the mall. Intriguing sort.”

“Still waters?”

Kaya laughs.

“Nail on the head.”

***

Declan feels like he’s just been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer.

Mike is dead – found shot at a riverbank near Albuquerque. He knows the DEA has been after him, hence his earlier plan to retire from the business and make him the distributor of Heisenberg’s Blue.

“Any guess as to who did him in?”

“Nope. Maybe a former associate of Gus’s. But my money is on that Lydia woman.”

Declan nods. “Lydia Rodarte-Quayle. Could be. She’s as bad as they come. She’s very good at what she does, no doubt, but man, that woman is trouble.”

“Yeah.”

***

She spots him and Morse at the bar of the super-chic Italian restaurant. Declan sees her and Morse just sort of disappears, having taken his cue from Declan’s wide smile.

Kaya feels a little self-conscious in the high heels and the little black dress, but his looks take her breath away: he’s wearing a starched white cotton shirt and a black suit, looking both casual and formal and smoking hot. Yes, she decides, Declan definitely doesn’t need any help with his appearance, and she suddenly understands that his indecisiveness at the clothing store was merely a time to think about the planned business meeting – whatever it was.

“You look lovely, Kaya,” he compliments her, takes her hand and kisses the back of her fingers. Kaya is overwhelmed by his charm and sputters something unintelligible. He just smiles and gestures at a table in the back corner, where an impeccably styled maître d’ is awaiting their arrival.

“What would you like to drink?”

“Something red, sweet. Lambrusco?”

“Lambrusco it is,” Declan nods.

“You look fabulous,” Kaya says.

“Thanks. Don’t get much of a chance to go out like that.”

“High profile clients?”

“Something like that.”

“The kind that would rather have room service.”

“Fo’ sho’.”

Kaya laughs.

“How was New Mexico?”

“Hot. Dusty. Long boring drive.”

“I take it you were in the high desert.”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s beautiful. Just really – kind of like on Mars. Except no pink sky.”

“Mmhmm.”

The sommelier arrives with the wine and offers Kaya a sip. She’s never tasted Lambrusco like this in her life and is not sure what to say.

“Thanks, it’s fine,” Declan helps her out and accepts a glass as well.

“Wow.” Kaya peers at the label after the wine specialist leaves. “I bet this would set me back a month’s salary.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Declan says. “New Mexico may have been hot and dusty, but it was worth it. This is my treat. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

The food is superb - the pasta primavera Declan recommended just about makes her swoon, and they try bits and pieces of each other’s dishes. She’s surprised at how easily they converse, even though she does most of the talking.

He hardly drinks at all, she notices. “Isn’t Morse driving you home?”

“I’m not much of a drinker,” he admits. “Never was.”

And somehow she finds it very amusing that someone who is obviously in an illegal line of work doesn’t drink.

She feels her heart pulsing in her groin as she watches him. She would like nothing better than to jump his bones, right here, right now. She imagines undoing every single button on his white shirt and running her palms over his naked skin…

“What?”

“The documentary. What was it about?”

Kaya clears her throat, forces herself back to the here and now. “Sorry, I’m a little tipsy. It was about reintegrating military families who have been living overseas.”

“Sounds interesting. Do tell.”

And so she tries to pull together the events of the past week – the drama queen TV personality she had to deal with, the actual families, the day it rained and her costume trailer developed a leak while she frantically patched the roof with duct tape and then borrowed every hair dryer she could get a hold of from the makeup trailers.

Declan listens closely and smiles.

Suddenly he starts and reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out his cell phone.

“Sorry, I have to take this,” he apologizes, looking at the number of the incoming call. “Morse is monitoring my line, so this must be important.”

She gestures at him. “By all means. I’m going to the, uh, the end of the hall.”

She grabs her purse and goes to find the bathroom which turns out to be a spa unto itself. She spends an extraordinary amount of time washing her hands, checking her makeup and fixing her hair, to give Declan room to finish his call.

When she returns, Declan is still talking, and so she takes some time checking out the original artwork in the bar area. When she looks again Morse is at their table, having what seems to be a serious conversation with Declan. She decides to wait.

Finally Morse looks up at her and tilts his head at Declan. As he leaves she approaches the table and sits down.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, fine.”

“Bad news?”

“Just unexpected, thank you for asking.”

Kaya knows enough about business code to understand that this means “change the topic”. She nods and finishes her wine.

“We can, umm, maybe have dessert another time,” she offers, sensing that he probably has to follow up on the call and giving him an easy way out.

Declan smiles a little, and he looks relived. “I’d like that very much,” he says, making a small gesture towards Morse.

“Thank you for everything.”

“Morse is getting you a taxi. Let him have your keys, and he’ll get someone to take your car home for you in a minute.”

“Wow, thanks!”

Declan nods and gets up.

“I’m sorry, Kaya. This just can’t wait.”

“S’okay. I understand.”

The taxi is already at the entryway and Declan kisses her on the cheek.

“Goodnight.”

She hands Morse her car keys. “It’s the little silver Subaru down there. 2483B Grandview Drive.”

Morse makes a note. “It will be there within the hour.”

She gets into the taxi while Morse hands the driver a card. Kaya waves at Declan and blows him a kiss. He pretends to catch it in mid-air and gets into his car.

Then he is gone.

***

“An overseas market? Are they nuts? Has Lydia gone completely off the deep end?”

“Word is she’s planning on supplying pretty much all of the Czech Republic.”

Declan barks out a laugh. “Goldmine, over there. All those little Czech people are meth heads. Sizeable percentage of the population.”

“So I hear.”

“I don’t even want to know how much she’s making off that alone.”

“Like royalty, I tell you.”

“I wonder if it was her or Heisenberg who offed those guys in prison.”

“Professional hit men, inside jobs. Someone within the system. They got it made now.”

“Yeah.”

“What else did she say?”

“Just that nothing was going to change for us, but she wanted us to know to stay away from it.”

“There is no way Heisenberg can cook that much by himself.”

“I’m sure he’s got a bunch of adoring assistants.”

Declan nods.

“Hey man, I’m sorry about the dinner. Lydia just wouldn’t take no for an answer, and you know what a loose cannon she is.”

“Don’t worry about it. Kaya will get over it. I’ll make it up to her. She doesn’t seem to be the grudge-holding type.”

Morse laughs. “Send her some fuzzy handcuffs and tell her you’ll wear them.”

Declan looks at him, startled. “You know, that’s not a bad idea.”

“Seems you’re headed that way anyway.”

Declan shrugs. “Word.”

***

Kaya is not surprised when a nice young man in livery knocks at her door about half an hour after she’s gotten home.

“Your keys, ma’m,” he says, drops them in her hand and gives her a snappy salute. “Car’s parked outside. Have a lovely evening.”

She sits down on her bed and curls up with a pillow.

Declan didn’t seem to be upset, just – perplexed. Gobsmacked. Apparently something in his business changed. A new threat, maybe. She hopes he’s safe. She worries a little.

He’s no angel, she knows that, and part of her feels like she’s making a deal with the devil. And she realizes that her lust for his body has become something different – something more. It’s deeper than that. Yes, she wants to fuck him like nobody’s business, but she has to admit she cares for him.

He seems genuinely interested in her – even if it’s just because she’s not of his world – and she’s comfortable with his presence. And because she hasn’t asked any questions. Kaya has signed more non-disclosure agreements than she cares to remember, she knows how to keep her yap shut, and if she has to tip-toe around his secret a little, well, she can handle that. No big deal.

And what’s even more amazing: not once has he made a move on her. If he was simply interested in sex, he would have suggested it a long time ago. There would have been no invitations for dinner and waiting for a week, no deferring dessert to another day; they would have taken their tumble in the hay and probably gone their separate ways.

But no, despite the occasional risqué topic he’s been nothing but a perfect gentleman.

And Kaya is quite impressed by that.

Declan seems like a patient man, someone who reacts quickly if circumstances warrant it, but who clearly thinks through his decisions and takes his time making them.

In the fast-paced world of her work she appreciates good planning.

She takes a shower and goes to bed, but sleep eludes her. She imagines him, naked, tied to her bed, smiling mildly and waiting for whatever she’s planned for him. A massage, she decides. She has some essential oils that would be perfect. Sandalwood, perhaps, or a little bit of icy mint.

He would watch her with hooded eyes and willingly part his legs for her, so she could fondle his cock and balls. He’d be beautiful, she thinks. Not too big, but well-proportioned. He would display amazing stamina as she would suck him hard, maybe stick a finger or two up his ass. Yes, she would very much like to do that, know what he feels like inside, warm and soft.

Declan has a nice ass – round and pert, with narrow hips. His cock would fit her perfectly, comfortably, just this side of too big, but in a good way. She would fuck him slowly, draw out his sweet agony, maybe use a vibrator on him. She wants to see him lose it, wants to hear his labored breaths, sighs growing into moans, then cries, and then she’d let him go over the edge and she would ride out the waves of his pleasure.

She comes with a shout, her fingers on her clit and inside her, and all she can see is his face, an almost painful expression, dissolving into pure ecstasy, then pleasure, then peace.

She would lie on top of him, wait for his cock to slip from her body, and then she would untie him and massage his wrists and kiss him and stroke him until he’d fall asleep, exhausted, satiated.

It’s her favorite fantasy, and one that never fails to bring her to a most satisfying orgasm within minutes.

She can’t wait to make it real.

***

Declan takes the bag Morse has handed him.

“That’s them?”

Morse nods.

Declan pulls out a pair of black leather cuffs.

“Seriously? Biker gear?”

Morse shrugs. “I think they’ll look good on you. With the little silver studs and all.”

Declan chuckles. “What if she’s not into the leather thing?”

Morse picks up another bag and pulls out a neon green Marabou contraption, dangling it off his pinky finger. “This snaps right on there. Want to try them on?”

Declan sighs and holds out his wrists. Morse takes a ridiculous amount of time fastening the cuffs, adjusting them perfectly and making sure they’re comfortable.

Declan cocks his head to the side. “Biker bracelets,” he observes. “So not my style.”

“So don’t wear them in public. And not these, neither.” He hands him the Marabou.

“Maybe just the one. That might be rad. Do the D-rings come off?”

“Nope.”

“All right. No biker gear then. Thanks, Morse.”

“Sure.”

“One thing, though.”

“Uh-huh?”

“The green isn’t right. Did they have other colors?”

“The whooole hoppin’ rainbow.”

“I’d like burgundy, then.”

“Burgundy?”

“Burgundy.”

Morse squints at him, then shakes his head. “All right. Burgundy it is.”

He stuffs the Marabou back into the bag and leaves.

Declan grins.

***

A few days later he has Morse pick her up and they meet at the Echo Mountain dog park.

“Hey Kaya,” he says and kisses her on the cheek. “Come meet my dog.”

“I didn’t know you had a dog.”

“I do. He usually waits in the car. He goes everywhere with me. But I don’t necessarily advertise it.”

“Someone could use that against you.”

He hesitates, finally nods. He whistles, and a medium-sized brown dog comes bounding over.

“Hey buddy, this is Kaya. Say hi.” Kaya kneels down and Declan is pleased to see that his dog seems to like her instantly.

“What’s his name?”

Declan shrugs. “I don’t speak dog, I don’t really know what his name is.”

“You didn’t give him a name?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“Try me.”

“I found him in a dumpster. He was the last survivor of the whole litter. Someone just left them, all nine of them, threw them away like so much trash. I took him home – he was so tiny he fit into my pocket.”

She looks at him and she can tell that even the memory upsets him.

“People can be so cruel. I don’t get it.”

“I thought about naming him. But he’s sort of his own person. Dog-person. I’m sure he has a name for himself. Maybe one day he’ll tell me.”

She takes his hand and squeezes his fingers.

“I’d never thought about it that way,” she admits. “Who do we think we are, you know? ‘Dog’ is a perfectly good name.”

They look at each other and smile.

She watches Dog as he chases around the park, playing with other dogs and rolling around in the grass. He even looks a little bit like Declan, she thinks. Curly brown hair, brown eyes, fuzzy face, one ear up and one floppy. Probably a chocolate lab/ poodle mix, with something else in there. He’s a cute dog, and he obviously adores Declan.

Whatever bad stuff Declan is into, Dog might be his redemption, she muses.

She elbows Declan. “He is going to get you out of a lifetime of purgatory, when the day comes,” she says, indicating Dog.

Declan nods. “I hope so.”

They leave it at that.

***

Strange.

Kaya is the first woman who didn’t make fun of his refusal to give Dog a name.

She _gets_ him.

And she doesn’t ask questions. It makes him want to tell her everything, but that would only put her into danger.

And suddenly he regrets ever talking to her. He should have bought the shirts and walked away. She’s a decent person, quite possibly the only genuine human being he’s met in a long time, someone who doesn’t know that he’s a criminal, and probably wouldn’t care if she knew.

He pours himself a glass of tonic water and settles down on his balcony.

The sun has set and the cool night air is starting to blow down off the mountains.

He’s thinking about Heisenberg and all the extra money selling the Blue Sky has brought in. It will take him years to process it. Perhaps he should look into investing in some film companies, get Kaya a bigger paycheck. Maybe an upstart somewhere, where he could gain a stake. Maybe – check out Hopi High School and Hopi Radio…

He’s always had an interest in Hopi culture, although he himself has European roots and not a drop of Native American blood. At least not that he knows of, but if he did he wouldn’t be surprised. He’s been to the reservation a few times, mostly to go hiking with a Hopi guide, but meeting Kaya has re-ignited his desire to go back there, even if her connection with the culture is her birth association only.

Suddenly he feels like taking a long walk in the desert with Dog, carrying all their water and finding a spot where he can sit and think. Dog would love it.

Declan digs out his phone.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Dog’s Dad. What’s up?”

“You like hiking?”

“Uh… as in backpack, boots and sunscreen?”

Declan laughs.

“Yeah – you know, rocks and dusty trails and stuff.”

“Sure thing. Got anything in mind?”

“Ever been to Camelback Mountain?”

“Nope, just looked at it lots of times. I’d love to go.”

Declan smiles. “Okay, pick a time.”

“I’m off on Wednesday.”

“Wednesday is good. I can do Wednesday.”

“No middle of the week business meeting?”

“I’ll cancel it.”

Her laugh delights him.

“All right. I can meet you at the trailhead. The Cholla Trail side, off Invergordon. The Echo Trail is still closed. What time?”

“Around 10, maybe? No rush hour traffic.”

“Perfect. See you then.”

He hangs up. “Yo, Morse?”

“Whassup?”

“What do I have on Wednesday?”

“Conference call with Osaka, 6am.”

“Good. I can be at Camelback at 10 then.”

“Yep.”

Declan nods and something warm and delicious shivers through his body.

Dog perks up.

Declan points at him: “Yep, you’re coming, too.”

***

Kaya is glad it’s the middle of the week – there is plenty of parking available not too far from the trailhead. It shouldn’t be too crowded. She’s excited about the hike – Camelback is such an iconic landmark, and it’s been on her to do list forever.

She spots Declan and Morse in conversation with another man with spiky black hair near the sign for the trailhead. Dog is lying in the sun at Declan’s feet. She hesitates, not sure what to make of the situation. She stops and kneels down to tie her shoe, making sure Declan can see her. And sure enough, when she looks up he’s waving at her. She takes it as a signal that it’s safe to approach.

“Hi Kaya, good to see you,” Declan says and gives her a quick peck on the cheek.

“Hey Declan. Morse.” She nods at the other man who politely inclines his head, and pats Dog on the head.

“I got your line,” Morse says and hands Declan a hip pack. Kaya can hear the water gurgling around in the compartment. “I brought one of those collapsible bowls for him,” Kaya says, gesturing at Dog. Declan laughs. “That dog can drink from a bottle without spilling a drop, but – good thinking. It will be a nice luxury for him.”

“You guys be careful,” Morse says and hands Kaya Dog’s leash, and they’re off.

“So, what’s new?”

“Ah, you know, same old same old… Doing two commercials this week. Did one for a local store yesterday, and starting on a restaurant one tomorrow.”

“Which one?”

“Can’t tell you. Non-disclosure, and all that.”

Declan looks at her and smiles.

It’s warm but not overly so, and they stop to rest in a shady spot. Declan pulls out a water bottle from his pack and holds it up to Dog’s mouth. Kaya is amazed how Dog sips from the bottle – a well-rehearsed ritual between the two of them, apparently.

She turns back to Declan. “The guy from the trailhead is following us.”

Declan nods and caps Dog’s bottle, stuffing it back into his pack. “He’d better.”

“Bodyguard?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

She bites her tongue. Of course Declan would have noticed someone was following them, and she feels a little embarrassed.

“What,” Declan asks.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s okay. It’s good that you’re aware.”

“Paranoid, is more likely.”

“No need. We come here often. Dog knows the way, and we’ve never run into any trouble.”

She stops to let some descending hikers pass them on the narrow trail and decides not to pursue the issue further.

Declan points out several geological formations on the way, and they spend some time admiring a few large cacti. One of them has a quarter-sized hole, and a little bird is peeping out.

“That little guy has the best burglar protection ever,” she says and hands Declan her phone, and he takes a picture of her next to the cactus.

“I can’t believe I’ve lived in Phoenix for so long, and I’ve never come here,” she says afterwards, pocketing her phone. “I guess I always thought it would be too busy. Seeing as it’s totally surrounded by urban areas.”

“Yeah. It gets really crowded on weekends. This is about as empty as I’ve ever seen it.”

They take their time, finally reaching the summit. The last part of the way is a bit of an all-fours venture with some tricky rocks to scale, but she loves the challenge, and she admires Declan’s speed and agility.

“Wow.”

“It’s something, isn’t it?”

She looks at the stunning panorama, and Declan takes a few more pictures of her. She’d love to take his, but she knows better than to ask. Declan notices, of course.

“Listen, Kaya, I’m sorry it’s the way it is, but there are parts of my life I just can’t share. You know that by now.”

She nods and looks into his eyes. “That’s not the part I want, anyway,” she says.

“I want you to be safe, Kaya. If we’re going to be more than just friends, you need to understand that.”

“Shhh,” she says, and places her finger across his lips. “I get it. I do. I can’t tell you about the commercial, either.”

He laughs. “Not quite the same, Kaya.”

She places her hand on his chest. “It is, in my world.”

He looks at her for a long time, then places his hand on hers and pulls it up, kissing her fingers.

She steps up closer and he leans in, stopping an inch short of her lips. His hesitation takes her breath away, and she suddenly understands that she’s been given a choice, that it’s her decision to make.

She moves and touches his lips as his arms close around her. She pushes her tongue into his mouth, and he parts his lips, letting her in. She reaches for his cheek, feels the wiry hairs of his beard against her palm, and he tastes so good to her.

She pulls away, holding his face in her hands.

“I can handle that,” she says and he smiles, leaning in again, and this time she relaxes into his embrace, feeling his hands glide over her back, a finger slipping under her shirt.

The skin on skin contact shoots straight to her groin and she sighs into his kiss, reaching up to tangle her fingers into his soft brown curls, as his hands gently stroke her naked skin.

“I want you so badly,” she whispers. “Dammit, Declan. I wanna fuck you so hard that you –“

He silences her with a deep kiss, then lets go of her.

“I got something for you,” he says, quickly unbuckling his hip pack and bending down to rummage in it.

Kaya is out of breath and so wet for him she can barely stand. Her legs are trembling, and so she sits down. Declan flashes her a quick grin, then pulls out a bag and hands it to her.

“For me?”

He thinks about it for a second. “For me, actually. But for you to use.”

His voice is rough, breathy, and she’s never been so turned on in her entire life.

She opens the bag, then laughs out loud, as she pulls out the leather cuffs and dark red Marabou.

“You like it?”

And she can’t help it, she breaks into tears, and he pulls her into his arms.

“I take that as a yes?”

She nods, turns her face and kisses his neck. “Gods, yes…”

A nearby cough makes her look up – their escort alarm. Declan indicates the bag. “Someone’s coming up the trail. Put ‘em back in here.”

She does and wipes her eyes.

Declan whistles for Dog who’s been off sniffing at the base of a large rock, and he immediately comes back to them. Seconds later two women come into view, and he waves at them.

“Yay, you made it,” Declan calls out.

“You know them?”

He smiles down at Kaya. “Nope. Just being a cheerleader.”

Kaya gets up, dusts off her bottom, waving at the two women.

“Well, we’ll let you have your private time at the top,” Declan says and nods at them. “Ladies?”

The two women fuss over Dog who wags his entire rear end until Kaya grabs his leash, and when Declan holds out his hand she doesn’t hesitate to take it. He squeezes her gently and she elbows him.

“If those two hadn’t shown up…”

“Handcuffed to a cholla. I dunno, Kaya. It sounds painful.”

She laughs at the mental image.

They don’t mention the cuffs anymore on the hike down but she can almost feel them burning a hole into her pack.

“Let’s try that bowl you brought,” Declan suggests about halfway down. Dog seems a little confused about not getting the bottle but takes to it readily.

Declan points at him. “If dogs could shrug, that’s what that would be,” he chuckles. “Where did you get this thing?”

“Some dollar store. I always carry one, in case I find a stray or something.”

“Smart.”

By the time they reach the trailhead it’s quite hot in the early afternoon sun.

Morse holds up his phone. “Call from Bogdan. Not urgent, he says to call him back at your convenience.”

Declan groans.

“Bad news?”

“I doubt it. You know Bogdan. Took him 45 minutes just to give me that message.”

Kaya laughs. “I know people like that. The wordy sort. Diarrhea of the mouth.”

Morse grins. Kaya looks around. Morse points his thumb over his shoulder.

“Bax? In the car.”

Kaya spots the silent bodyguard in the back of the black SUV and nods. She touches Declan’s hand.

“Thanks for the lovely hike. We should do it again some time. I got a list.”

“Deal.”

He squeezes her fingers. “Call me.”

“I will.”

She hands Dog’s leash to Declan and watches as he gets into the car and pulls away.

***

“Did she like it?”

“Made her cry.”

“Seriously?”

“Mmhmm. Her move, now. Did Bogdan say what he wanted?”

“Having trouble processing the extra profit from the Blue Sky. Wants to discuss ways you might know.”

Declan sighs. “Then I’d better call him right away. Yo, Bax?”

“Yeah?”

“You still got the info on that guy from Prague? The flak vest manufacturer?”

“Sure do.”

“All right. I’ll make a few calls.”

Morse slows down. “Lab or home?”

Declan purses his lips. “Lab, I think. The line’s better.”

“All right.” Morse turns, and they head back into the outskirts of town, and on out into the badlands.

Dog puts his chin on his knee and Declan scratches him between the ears.

“Yep, we’ll play later.”

***

Kaya takes a shower at home, then puts on her robe and climbs on her bed, pulling up the bag that Declan gave her. Biting her lip she pulls out the cuffs and scrutinizes them closely.

Based on the indentations of the adjustment straps they’ve been sized to someone’s wrists, and she groans loudly at the thought. She slips them on – they’re way too big for her this way, and she imagines them on Declan’s wrists. Oh yes, they will be perfect.

She fishes the Marabou out of the bag.

Burgundy.

Of course. It looks sultry, almost dangerous, against the black leather and the silver studs. Like blood.

She wonders whether Declan’s ever killed anybody. She imagines he’s capable, but somehow she doubts he’d actually do it himself. Now, Morse or that bodyguard guy Bax, yes, she can see that. And it’s clear that either one of them would jump if Declan so much as winked.

She’s playing with fire, she knows that. Not an out-of-control forest fire, not like her feelings about the whole thing, but glowing embers, barely burgundy; but leave them unattended for too long and the inferno becomes unstoppable.

Running the Marabou through her fingers she finally wraps it around her own wrists and discovers the little snaps that attach to the cuffs or – twisted twice – fit onto themselves. Her wrists look slit, bleeding a softly moving feathery material, venously dark and rich, heavy despite their minuscule weight.

She takes a cuff and rubs it against her clit, and the silver studs provide just the perfect amount of stimulation, a little pain, perhaps, but just right.

Twice, three times, four times she hits an orgasm in short succession. She’s utterly exhausted and a little sore, and she falls asleep.

Declan’s hands are on her bare back, then her breasts, then her groin.

“Kaya?”

She blinks.

“Must’ve been a good dream.”

She sits up. It’s her house mate and frequent lover Isabel, pointing at her wrists.

“From the drug dealer?”

“Junk yard owner.”

“Right.”

“I tend to romanticize things.”

“I don’t find drug dealers particularly romantic. Most of them use. It’s disgusting.”

“Yeah, well.” Kaya fumbles the Marabou off her wrists. “Metal sourcing is pretty vanilla stuff. They need to get their thrills elsewhere.”

She kisses her friend and for a while she loses herself in the softness of her lips, so different from Declan’s, with none of the shyness of a man trying to protect her.

“Love ya, Kaya.”

“You too.”

***

“Hey Declan.”

“Kaya! What’s going on?”

“Nothing much. Was wondering if you were busy this Saturday.”

“Ah, crap, yes. I gotta go to a fundraiser.”

“Oh? What’s the occasion?”

Declan squirms a little, hopes it doesn’t show in his voice. “DEA Educational Foundation.”

“For realz?”

“Very much so. Black tie affair. I can’t get out of it. Major sponsor, all that.”

There’s a short pause. “Need some arm candy?”

Declan chuckles. “Actually, yeah, that would be nice.”

“Well, you’re a lucky guy because your cousin Kaya is in town this weekend.”

“I don’t have any cousins. Well, no female ones, anyway.”

“Oh, sorry, I meant your grad school roommate Kaya.”

“Okay… might she be interested in going to a Dudley-Do-Right event?”

“She could be persuaded. I happen to know she likes to dress up every so often.”

“Kaya, this is serious high-brow stuff. Diamond tiaras and designer dresses.”

She laughs. “Hey – costumer, here! It’s no problem.”

“All right, then. I’ll send a taxi at, say, 6:45. Can you be ready then?”

“Yep, no sweat.”

“Be prepared for supreme boredom and the epitome of small talk.”

“I’ll be sure to read up on the local gossip.”

“They have an educational museum right next to-“

“I know – I’ve shot a show in there before. Good idea, though. I’ll go brush up on things before Saturday.”

“You don’t want to appear too knowledgeable.”

“No, but it will help me ask the right questions, if I already know the answers.”

“Kaya, you’re so-“

“I know, thank you. See you Saturday.”

Declan hangs up. “So smart,” he sighs. “Where have you been all my life?”

And instead of going over his monthly reports he thinks about his recent failures in the girlfriend department. Without exception, they fall into very few categories:

Exhibit A: The Leeches. When they find out he’s got far more money than his lifestyle indicates they see a way to pad their own wallets. And while he doesn’t mind that so much – he’s got enough money not to have to worry about it – he doesn’t really get anything back, because, after all, they’re not interested in him, just his money. See: the balloon store owner.

Exhibit B: The Divorcee Wannabe-Brides. He’s not into people who are dependent – on him or anyone or anything else, for that matter. Especially those who just got out of a relationship, and instead of giving themselves time to heal can only look as far as another relationship. See: the alcoholic brain surgeon.

Exhibit C: The Scaredy Cats. Some of them actually are okay, but the whole situation with bodyguards and drivers and mysterious phone calls that simply cannot wait drives them away pretty quickly. They ask too many questions, throw tantrums when denied an answer, and then run the other way. See: the Yoga instructor.

Exhibit D: The Moles. Declan can spot them rather easily, the sorry excuses for human beings who are merely there to spy on him, often for good money. Which is why he’s now a big believer in background checks. Type D is the most dangerous one, too – they wouldn’t hesitate to turn him in.

And then there is Kaya, who is literally in a class of her own: independent, financially secure, used to secrecy, and if she suspects anything about his illegal business dealings – and she most certainly does – she doesn’t let on.

He sighs and rubs his wrists.

Declan has never looked forward so much to being handcuffed in his life.

***

“You look great, Kaya. I bet nobody at the fundraiser has arm candy quite like Mr. Turns-Old-Cars-Into-Gold. Whatever it is he does.”

“Extracting high-end metals from recyclables.”

“Melting down mother boards?”

“Among other procedures, yes. Phoenix is quite the hot spot for it.”

“Well, here’s your purse. Don’t forget the condoms.”

“Never.”

***

“There she comes,” Morse says. “Off I go.”

Declan takes a deep breath and approaches the limo that’s just pulled up. He opens the door and does a double-take.

“Kaya! Holy smokes, you weren’t kidding!”

He holds out his hand and helps her out of the car. She’s wearing a long burgundy dress with silver thread woven throughout, and a simple but flashy diamond necklace and earrings. Her long dark hair is done up and sparkles with a net of tiny faceted stones.

“Hush,” she says. “It’s all fake.”

“A good fake,” Declan is impressed.

“Well, there’s costume jewelry, and then there’s _movie_ costume jewelry. And movie designer dresses.”

“You got a story I assume?”

“I do. You look very handsome.”

“Little uncomfortable,” Declan admits. “I’m not much for these black-tie affairs.”

Kaya touches his lapel. “Nice piece,” she murmurs. “Of course yours is all real.”

Declan laughs. “Us ordinary mortals, we don’t have access to the high-end movie fakes. We have to make do with the real thing.”

“What hardship.”

“Come on.”

He holds out his arm and she hooks under. Leading her into the lobby Declan meets one dignitary after another, and he finds he quite enjoys the story he and Kaya are spinning, about their days in grad school. She studied Fashion Design, he was in Materials Science, and they met at a frat party, and when one of Kaya’s roommates graduated Declan moved in; apparently they had stayed in contact through Kaya’s unfortunate cocaine addiction and subsequent successful rehab and founding of her own tailoring business and personal fashion line.

“She still picks out all my good clothes,” Declan explains to the Mayor’s wife, “although more often than not she has to talk me into it.”

“Declan could be such a snappy dresser,” Kaya smiles, “if only he didn’t have to be around those filthy smelts so much.”

The Mayor’s wife agrees that the reality of the metal recycling business can be quite unglamorous at times.

“And speaking of unglamorous, that’s why this event tonight is so important for this city,” Kaya picks up on her cue. “Anything I can do to help someone kick the habit, I’m so there.”

“We both are,” Declan agrees.

They move along and Kaya snickers. “This is so much more fun than you made it sound!”

Declan shrugs. “It’s only fun ‘cause you’re here. – Oh, hello Dr. Simon! Long time no see!”

Time flies by and Declan can tell that Kaya’s getting tired. His feet hurt in the shiny dress shoes and so he suggests that they leave.

“I’m ready to get out of here,” Kaya agrees.

It’s cold outside now and Declan takes off his jacket and drapes it around her shoulders.

“Thanks,” she sighs. He spots Morse pulling up his car, and takes her hand.

“It will look better if we leave together,” he whispers. She nods and waits for Morse to open the door for her.

She leans up against his shoulder and he puts his arm around her. Her hand comes to rest on his thigh. He puts his hand on top of hers.

“Want to come in and say hi to Dog? Or Morse can take you home.”

“I’d love to see Dog,” she says.

He turns and faces her, and he doesn’t resist when she leans in to kiss him.

***

Somehow she’s imagined his house to be a whole lot bigger, but it’s just a fairly ordinary two-storey building with a large open lawn around it and an automatic gate at the end of the driveway. It’s a nice and fairly affluent neighborhood in the suburbs, but his house is completely unremarkable.

“So this is where you live?”

Declan smiles. “It’s my address. I have another place out in the badlands. I’m there more often than not, but this is closer.”

“Appearances and all, huh?”

“Exactly. Come on.”

He helps her out of the car and an older lady waits at the entryway.

“Thanks for waiting up, Matilda. I’ll see you next week.” The woman nods and smiles, then gets in the car and Morse drives off. Kaya hands Declan his jacket and he slips it on as he ushers her inside.

She looks around. It’s tastefully decorated, a smidgen too nice to be actually lived-in, like a showroom with very few personal touches. Declan toes off his shoes.

“Oh, that feels better,” he says. “Morse will be back in a little bit, and he can take you home. Bax?”

“Yep,” comes the disembodied voice from around the corner.

“Where’s Dog?”

“Out back.”

“Can you find him, please? Kaya wants to see him.”

And minutes later Dog is slobbering all over her hands, thrilled to see her.

“Something to drink?”

“Oh, I’ve had plenty. Just a water. Tonic, if you’ve got it.”

Declan jumps up. “Of course. Please, make yourself comfortable.”

She settles down on the sofa and takes her heels off. Declan returns with two tall glasses and hands her one.

“Those are some kick-ass shoes,” he compliments her.

“Kmart,” she laughs. “Would you believe it?”

“Coming from you –“ he sits down next to her – “Yes, I do.”

She sips her water. After the champagne she feels parched and the tonic quenches her thirst nicely.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Declan says, clinking his glass against hers. “You made this whole thing bearable. Fun, even.”

“I had a great time, Declan. I’ve got a bit of experience being arm candy, and I quite enjoy it.”

He looks at her, and something in his eyes makes her heart skip a beat.

“You were – are – so much more than that,” he says softly.

She stares at him for a long time, feeling the heat rising inside and battling impulse with reason. Finally she sets her glass down, takes his as well, gets up, hikes up her dress and climbs into his lap, straddling his hips.

Taking his face into her hands she loses herself in a long, slow kiss, stroking his tongue with hers, exploring him. His hands tremble slightly on her naked thighs.

She fumbles with his tie and pulls it off, then pushes his jacket over his shoulders. He twists out of it and scoots forward on the couch, allowing her to slip further into his lap.

He’s hard against her groin and she sighs into his open mouth. “God, Declan…”

His hands are on her back, finding the zipper of her dress. She leans her forehead against his.

“Pull it down,” she says. “I want to get out of this thing.”

She opens the buttons of his shirt as he unzips her dress, then lifts it over her head and drops it on the floor. Her hairpin gets caught in the fabric, pulling the netting off her bun and releasing her hair. The cool air feels good against her heated skin, his warm hands, and she feels him moving to unhook her bra. She pulls it off and drops it.

He bites his lower lip.

“Go on,” she whispers, straightening up and letting him take a nipple into his mouth. He sucks on it, and a lightning bolt of desire lances through her. Reaching down she finds his belt, unbuckles it and pushes her hand down into his briefs.

He nearly bucks her off as she touches his cock, hard and warm against her palm. She tugs on his pants, and he lifts his hips a little to assist her as she pushes his pants and briefs down. Black tight-fitting hip briefs, she notes appreciatively.

“I want you so badly,” she breathes. “Declan? You okay with that?”

Instead of an answer he pulls her into his arms and gets up, setting her gently down on the floor. She drops to her knees and takes his cock into her mouth, and oh, he feels good to her, he’s big and she gags a little, but she soon finds her rhythm, feeling his hands on her shoulders.

“Kaya,” he says softly, and she stops and looks up.

“Let me take these off.”

She holds his pants as he steps out of them, then he hooks his fingers into her panties, pulling them off.

She’s about to drop to her knees again, when he suddenly picks her up and sets her down on the breakfast table, quickly pushing two fingers into her.

Kaya cries out, a flash of pleasure-pain.

“Declan,” she pants, “Declan, wait.”

He withdraws his hand and she kisses him deeply.

“Condom,” she says. “Purse.”

He picks up his pants instead, pulls a square packet out of his back pocket and holds it up for her to see. She nods and watches him roll it on.

“You don’t know where I’ve been,” she smiles, reaching out for him and he comes to her in a deep kiss, then supports her back as he gently pushes her backwards so she can wrap her legs around his hips.

She’s so wet he slips easily into her folds all the way, then pauses as she breathes through the adjustment to his size.

"Declan,” she moans.

“You good?” he whispers.

She pushes herself up to reach his face, then kisses him deeply.

“Do it, Declan,” she breathes. “Do it, do it, do it…”

She watches his face as he begins to move. He has this curious expression between a smile and a desperate moan, and she’s never seen a more beautiful thing. Declan’s arousal is written all over his body, his hands grasp her hips and he pushes into her, more slowly now, savoring the slow glide into and out of her body. She braces herself on her elbows to give him better access.

“Fuck me, Declan,” she gasps. “Come on. Fuck me hard.”

He grunts in response. “You feel great, Kaya. You’re really tight. You sure you’re okay?”

She grabs his shirt with one hand. “Never better. Don’t hold back.”

He nods and stops, pulling out slowly, and at her protesting moans he picks up her legs and pulls them up onto his shoulders, tilting her back onto the table.

“Yes,” Kaya sighs as he pushes back into her hard, leaning down on her, spreading her wide open for his deep penetration. Her hands fist his shirt as he pulls her towards him by her hips, giving him greater purchase.

She loves him towering above her, being completely at his mercy, the stiff white shirt such a contrast to his heated skin.

“Come on, Declan,” she urges him on and he groans as he reaches for her knees, pushing her legs down, folding her in half, pushing down and in, and she feels her arousal spinning out of control.

She comes hard, squeezing his cock with her inner muscles, again and again. He fucks her faster, almost brutally now, his grip bruising her thighs as he holds her in place during his hard thrusts.

She watches his face, the near-painful expression as he nears his orgasm, and she spurs him on.

“Harder, Declan… gods… fuck me… deeper…”

She can tell when he’s about to come – his eyes open in surprise, in shock, even, as he slams hard into her, a shuddering inhale on each contraction as he ejaculates.

He closes his eyes and releases his grip on her thighs, as she pushes herself up and wraps her legs around him again, capturing his panting mouth in a desperate kiss. She lets him catch his breath, eyes closed, quiet moans on each exhalation.

And then his mouth is on hers as he grasps her wrists and pushes them down onto the table next to her head, leaning heavily onto her, and she can feel his damp stomach on hers, the edges of her shirt against her sides. She tilts her head back, gives him access to her neck and he suckles on her throat, then her breasts. She twists her wrists out of his grasp and runs her fingers into his hair, feeling the pulse in his scalp, while his hips still push into her in tiny little aftershocks, a muscle memory more than anything.

He looks up and she smiles at him.

“Damn, you’re good,” she says.

He smiles. “And you!”

“Mmhmm.” She pulls him in for another slow and lazy kiss.

Finally he reaches down between them, holding on to the condom as he withdraws, in what she takes as a gesture of extra care and precaution, and she loves him for it.

He slips his hands behind her shoulders and helps her sit up. She grimaces a little.

“You okay?”

“Yep. Table was a little hard on my spine, but it’s okay, Mr. Vise Grip.”

Declan blushes. “Sorry. Hard to find purchase there.”

“No, don’t worry.” She watches him pull the condom off and put it into the trash. He hands her a paper towel, uses one on himself, then helps her off the table.

“Ugh,” she groans, leaning heavily against him. He reaches out for his jacket, drapes it around her shoulders again, then kisses her gently.

“Wow,” he says. “Just – wow.”

She watches as he pulls on his briefs and pants, and a curious thought flashes through her mind and makes her snicker.

He turns and looks at her. “What?”

She laughs. “I just had sex with a man in black socks,” she says.

He looks down. “I guess so. Is that bad?”

“No, of course not. I don’t know. It just struck me as funny.”

He smiles. “I guess it kinda is.” He hands her her panties and she slips them on, then hands him his jacket back; he helps her fasten her bra, then drapes her dress over her head and pulls it down. She lifts her hair and he zips her up.

She looks around, finds the bejeweled hair net behind the couch. “Oh well, the do is ruined.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Totally worth it.”

“Yeah?”

They both turn as a whiny noise comes from the kitchen. Dog is yawning heartily.

She smiles at Declan. “I guess in doggie porn, we did everything wrong.”

“We can work on that.”

She laughs, knowing well what he means, and she loves it doggie style, and can’t wait to try it out with Declan. “Come here,” she says.

He searches her face as she buttons his dress shirt. “What,” she asks.

He takes her hands and stills her movements, then pulls them up to his mouth, kissing them softly.

She doesn’t know what to say and just nods, fighting back tears at his tender gesture.

Declan tucks his shirt in and bends down to retrieve the water glasses. She gulps down her tonic, realizing how thirsty she feels. Declan holds out his hand. “More?”

“Yes, thank you.”

She watches him pour the water, gratefully takes her glass and drinks some more.

He puts his drink down, stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Do you… would you like to stay? Tonight?”

She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. Oh, how much she wants to say yes! And not even for more sex – she’s quite sore and tired now – but just to hold him and cuddle for a while.

“I can’t,” she says, pulling herself together. “I got a huge gig tomorrow. They can always get tons of extras on Sundays. I have to pull some stuff for it at home first. And they’re sending the truck to pick me up.”

She can tell he’s disappointed.

But he nods. “Job comes first,” he says. “I think we both know that.”

She takes his hands, tilts her face up and kisses him. “Yeah,” she says.

He pulls her close and they stand like that for a long time, just holding each other. She doesn’t want to let go of him, ever, but there will be other times, she’s sure of it now.

“Let me buzz Morse,” he finally says, and she goes to find her shoes. Morse shows up minutes later.

“Car’s ready,” he says.

“Good night, Kaya. Thanks for everything.”

She nods. “Good night.”

She follows Morse to the car.

***

Declan picks up the glasses and puts them into the sink. He checks the table, wipes it down with a kitchen towel, just in case. The house seems eerily quiet and suddenly he feels lonely.

He whistles. “Come on, Dog,” he says, and Dog stretches and bounces over to him, tail wagging.

Out of the corner of his eye he notices Bax getting up from his chair and following him quietly, as he heads for the back door. He waits for his bodyguard to catch up, lets him open the door and check the yard. Bax takes no risks, and so it takes him a few minutes to make sure the yard is safe.

Dog knows his place – he waits patiently for Bax to return and hold the door open for them.

Declan looks at him, but Bax’ face is neutral as always, even though he’s just had an earful of very hot sex on a breakfast table. He nods and heads out into the cool night. Dog drops a tennis ball at his feet and Declan throws it across the lawn, Dog making the mad dash for his prize.

Whatever happened to going pro in baseball, Declan wonders. He was good at it. He was – still is – good at a lot of things. Now in his mid-forties, he wonders at lost opportunities. Being a meth manufacturer and distributor was never in his plans, and he was supposed to be “the good one”. Few people know of his twin brother, never-do-well Aidan who is somewhere in New Zealand. Maybe. Aidan’s lover Marco died from exposure to toxic fumes while brewing an exceptionally pure batch, causing an explosion while crashing into hot equipment; his associates got rid of his body in a drum full of hydrochloric acid, Aidan disappeared, and Declan ended up with the remainder of the lab and a way to make more money than he’d ever dreamed of.

And he needed it badly. After losing his job as a metallurgical processing engineer when the company shut down, a messy divorce, driving with lapsed insurance and causing a major wreck, uncounted bills and bankruptcy, getting into the meth business saved his life.

Aidan could be dead for all he knows; he hasn’t heard from him in over 15 years. They parted on bad terms, with Aidan vowing he would never see him again. Unlike most twins they were never close to begin with; Aidan was always the troublemaker and Declan was the one who got him out again. And unlike Aidan Declan has never had a particular interest in bedding other men; he’s not opposed per se, it’s just that he likes women a whole lot better. Usually the wrong kind of women. Aidan’s addiction issues are mirrored in his own terrible taste in females.

“We all got our parcel to bear,” he mumbles and tosses Dog’s ball again.

And suddenly it’s all so different. Because now there’s Kaya, and he’s just had what possibly amounts to the best sex in his life. Kaya is no angel, by any means. He’s never met anyone as free-loving as her, and watching her have sex with another woman is quite an intriguing thought. Still, there is something inherently decent about her, something that speaks to the good inside of him.

And it’s not about being a meth dealer. He makes no excuses for that. He knows it’s a bad thing, and countless lives are ruined to make him the rich dude he is. But that’s neither here nor there – if he were out of the picture, or had never even entered it for that matter, the meth heads would still be there. People would still die. But the money would simply go somewhere else. The fact that the lab practically fell into his hands and working it was far easier than getting rid of it won’t exonerate his soul if it ever comes to it, but he’d sunk as low as he could get before he took over, and he’s glad he’s made the best of it.

So no, it’s not the meth. It’s a good life, and he doesn’t regret it. He lives comfortably, and if he ever decides to have a family again he’ll be able to provide for them. Except he’s not so sure he ever wants to do the attachment thing again.

He’s not sure that Kaya is a forever thing. Maybe. But just the thought scares him and he pushes it aside quickly.

What he likes about her is that she’s so independent, so free and unattached, and sipping of her freedom is an utter delight for him. Tying her to him, or himself to her, would destroy that.

And he’s probably overthinking the issue anyway.

There’s nothing wrong with having a friend with benefits. A wild bird that willingly comes to sit on one’s hand to feed, and who then flies off again.

Dog whines at his feet and he tosses the ball for him.

He wants Kaya to remain a free bird. It should be her decision. And he needs to protect her freedom. She can never know more than what she’s guessing on her own.

“Bax?”

“Yo.”

“I want you to look into a shadow for Kaya. Sooner or later the others will catch wind of her, if they haven’t already. I want her to be safe.”

“Covert or overt?”

“I’ll talk to her. So, overt. She’s too smart anyway, she’d pick up on it and then she’d have every right to be pissed off.”

“All right, I’ll line up some available candidates.”

“Thanks, Bax.”

***

“Well, don’t you look well and truly fucked,” Isabel remarks with a grin as Kaya comes in.

“It shows, huh?”

“Yep. I guess me and Justin are out of luck for tonight?”

“Justin is here?”

“Got here about an hour ago.”

Kaya is torn. Justin and Isabel are her favorite sandwich, but she knows she’s not up to much else for the night. Besides, she’s got work to do.

“I got some prep work for tomorrow’s shoot. But I’ll join you afterwards. A nice shower, maybe?”

“Deal.” Isabel fist-bumps her.

Kaya takes off her dress and slips on her robe. Her heart feels full to bursting, and she wants to share. But work comes first, as Declan said, and she agrees.

She lays out her charts and notebooks, pulls up her costume inventory files on her laptop and begins the character assignments. The new collection she requested has arrived earlier in the day and she’s delighted with how many items she can use for the commercial.

With the new material it takes her less time than anticipated and she’s happy with her work. As she assembles the final look book she realizes that she can have it all: a job she loves, and a man she loves. And she thinks she’s the luckiest woman alive.

Okay, so her man is involved in god-knows-what, but it doesn’t matter. She just wants him, not his baggage. And so far, he’s gone to great lengths to keep her from that part of his life. She hopes they can keep it that way. Yes, of course she’s curious about him and wants to know so much more, but she also knows that in order to keep him she mustn’t get too close, ever.

She saves the file and puts the machine into sleep mode, wandering into the living room where Isabel and Justin are watching “NCIS” reruns. She turns off the TV and opens the belt of her robe. The two on the sofa perk up, and she has to laugh at their expressions – one slim Latina face, one dark bald beauty, both equally stunned.

“What happened to you?” Justin breathes.

Kaya shrugs. “Really really really good sex.”

“No, seriously.” He jumps up and touches her legs. “That doesn’t look so good.”

Kaya winces as he pinches her skin lightly, and yes, now she can see the bruises already forming from where Declan held her down.

“It’s okay,” she says. “We were a little rough, I guess. I’ll be fine, and I don’t regret it.”

“Come on, you guys,” Isabel says and heads for the shower.

Minutes later Kaya has Isabel’s fingers inside of her and Justin’s fingers up her ass, while Justin fucks Isabel.

She’s utterly exhausted afterwards and falls asleep as soon as the three of them make it to the bed.

***

“For you,” Morse says, holding the phone out to Declan. “It’s Heisenberg.”

Declan frowns but takes the phone.

“How did you get this number,” he asks by way of a greeting.

“I have my sources,” Heisenberg says.

“What do you want?”

“Rumor has it that a local operation in Flagstaff was busted.”

“Yeah? So? I had nothing to do with it. That’s not my territory.”

A pause.

“It could be now.”

Declan takes a deep breath.

“Are you shittin’ me? I can barely supply my own area, let alone take on a new one! Not with what Todd brings us every week.”

“We’re stepping up production. You’ll have an extra ten pounds per week from now on.”

Declan rolls his eyes. “I don’t remember saying yes.”

“Your cut on Flagstaff would be 50%. It should make it worth your while.”

“Do you have any idea how long it takes to set up a new network? I know they cleaned up pretty well up there.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Heisenberg says lightly, and Declan can practically see the smirk on his face.

The line goes dead.

Declan stares at the phone. “Yeah, right. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Well, back to the long workdays. Morse, go set up a meeting out at the lab. We’ve got some major planning to do.”

“You were going to go to the Symphony with Kaya tonight.”

Declan groans. “I know! But she’ll understand. Work, all’s I’m sayin’.”

And he’s right – in fact, Kaya calls him before he can call her; she’s taking over a ten day gig in Las Vegas and has to leave right away.

Morse grins at him.

“Lucky bastard,” he says. “So, to the lab?”

Declan takes a deep breath.

“Yep. Let’s go. Come on, Dog.”

They don’t talk much on the trip. Declan is glad Morse is driving; it gives him additional time to make phone calls and line up more contacts. He jots down some notes and by the time they arrive he has a semblance of a rudimentary plan.

None of his associates are too excited about the additional area to cover, but the extra cash wins them over quickly. And sure enough, two days later he meets up with a new distributor up in Flagstaff and they seal the deal in the back of a laundry/ dry-cleaning facility. Spare parts and junk equipment are being provided by the owner, and her mules will haul them back and forth as a decoy for the meth.

Declan is satisfied with his work and relieved that he was able to figure it out in such a short time. When the first extra 10 pounds of Blue Sky arrive the van has already made the trip twice and everything works perfectly.

But as soon as the dust settles and the cash starts rolling in the adrenalin rush subsides, leaving him feeling empty and lonely.

***

“Declan?”

“Kaya! Are you back?”

Her heart flutters on hearing his voice.

“I am! Got in early this morning. I stopped by your house but no one was there.”

“Yeah – I’m at my other place.”

“The office?”

Declan pauses. “You could call it that.”

“I can meet you there if you want. I got the rest of the week off.”

There’s a long silence, and she worries they’ve been disconnected.

“Declan?”

“I don’t-“

“Oh! I got it, I got it. Right. I’m not going there. Hey, it’s okay, I just – I forgot, I’m sorry. But anyway, I’m here, so if you come back into town, let me know and maybe we can hang out.”

“Kaya…”

“It’s all right, Declan, really. It was dumb of me to mention it. I understand.”

She kicks herself mentally, feeling incredibly stupid and insensitive. Of course, his “office” is a secret place, and she’s better off not knowing where it is.

“I’ll call you soon,” Declan says quietly and hangs up.

Kaya ends the call and swears under her breath. Ten days away from him, and she’s forgotten all of her promises. She sighs and starts unpacking her luggage, then stops to make a cup of coffee. Of course there’s no coffee left in the house and so she grabs her laptop and heads out to the Starbucks down the street to get the usual: Americano with extra room. She sips her coffee while checking her email and following up on a few new work contacts.

When she gets back she spots the black SUV right away, and her heart hammers wildly in her chest. Sure enough, there’s Morse waiting for her.

“Get your things,” he says without preamble. “I’ll take you there, if you still want to.”

“Morse, it’s ok, I can wait until you guys get back.”

“Well, maybe you can wait,” Morse responds drily, “but maybe he can’t.”

“Is that wise?”

“You got five minutes. You can either keep asking questions or go get your stuff. Your choice.”

Kaya turns and runs into the house, frantically repacking her bag, leaving a note for Isabel, then running back to get the cuffs for Declan as well as a gift she got for him in Vegas.

As she gets back to the car Morse has already started the engine.

“I take it it’s urgent,” she muses. Morse doesn’t answer.

She tries to make note of the route but Morse drives a lot of back roads and she’s lost pretty quickly. As they reach a sprawling industrial complex Morse hands her a black sleeping mask.

“Here, put this on and pretend to be asleep,” he says.

“Seriously?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding? This is not an abduction, you know. Just say the word and we turn around. But if you’re coming, Declan’s rules. So, take a nap.”

Kaya shrugs and puts on the mask, leaning back and trying to relax.

It’s kind of exciting, she thinks. It _is_ a little bit like an abduction, except she’s a willing abductee. Very willing, in fact.

She feels the car slowing down.

“Routine traffic stop,” Morse says. “You’re a rich kid with a blazing migraine on the way to a desert retreat with yoga and hot tubs called Canyon Ranch.”

“That’s in Tucson.”

“We’re picking up your BFF first.”

“Got it.”

They stop and she listens to Morse converse with the officer, checking papers and the usual things. She waves at the voice, then points at the mask: “Sorry, officer – bad migraine here.”

“Oh, don’t I know,” she hears, “my wife gets those all the time. It’s like living with Bat Woman!” The officer laughs and she smiles.

“Send her to Canyon Ranch. That’s where I’m headed.”

“Canyon Ranch? Tucson is the other way, folks.”

“We’re picking up my friends Buffy and Trip first – my treat for them.”

“Ah, well, then I hope your migraine gets better soon. Have a nice day.”

Morse mumbles a thank you and rolls the window back up as Kaya leans back again.

“How was that,” she asks after a few minutes’ drive.

“Pretty convincing,” Morse says.

“ _Pretty_?”

“Okay, totally.”

Kaya grins.

They don’t talk anymore after that and she loses herself in the shivering anticipation of seeing Declan again.

***

“They’re here,” Bax announces and buzzes the gate open.

Declan gets up. “All right, you guys know the drill. She knows nothing. And whatever she finds out – it had better not come from any of you. So, back to whatever you were doing, and sorry for the interruption. Sameer, stick around for a few, so she can see your face and know who you are.”

“Yes, Sir,” the young Indian man replies and gets up as well, while the others file out. Most of them are wearing coveralls, as they’ve been taking junk items apart, but Sameer looks just like an average college student, complete with an ASU logo hoodie.

Declan walks onto the front porch of the flat-roofed cinder block building, calling up to the man on the balcony to stash his rifle and go inside. The house is relatively small, but it’s a fortress, and he has it guarded at all times. There are hardly ever any visitors – and those that do make it need to see the shooters. Kaya, however, does not. The manhole to the lab is well concealed by an old truck parked directly on top of it. Declan takes a final look around. The place looks fine – your average badlands junk yard.

He sees the dust cloud of the approaching SUV long before he hears the engine, and he’s ridiculously excited. Bringing Kaya out here was not an easy decision to make, but he has things to discuss with her, and he feels safer at his lab compound than anywhere else.

The SUV comes to a stop and Dog catches up with it, barking his head off.

Declan whistles, and Dog immediately stops and comes trotting over to him. “In the house, now.”

He watches as Morse opens the car door and assists Kaya while Bax grabs her suitcase. She looks a little scared – and who wouldn’t be – but she smiles as Morse leads her towards the house.

Declan goes inside and waits for her to enter, then nods at his driver.

“You can take it off now,” Morse says. Kaya slowly pulls off the mask, blinking in the bright light. She spots Declan, and the smile on her face warms his heart.

She walks up to him without a word and he takes her in his arms, while Bax and Morse leave discreetly.

He kisses her gently, stroking her cheeks.

“Sorry about all the cloak-and-dagger stuff,” he says. Kaya chuckles. “It was quite an adventure. I know, I can’t ask. So – here I am.” She bends down to give Dog a hug, when she spots Sameer.

“Oh, hello.”

Sameer bows curtly.

“Come sit down,” Declan says, “we have a few things to discuss.”

“All right,” Kaya nods and settles on the sofa.

“This is Sameer,” Declan indicates the young man, “and you’ll be seeing him around. It was time for you to get a shadow.”

“A shadow? You need someone to spy on me? Why? Did I do something wrong?”

Declan laughs. “No, no. Not a spy. A bodyguard, more likely.”

“Why would I need a bodyguard?”

Declan nods. “I know, it’s a little creepy. It must be. But people have seen us together a few times. And not just everyday people. People who have no idea who you are. But they do know me.”

Kaya makes a vague gesture. “The unsavory type who could get to you by getting to me. Got it. I do watch TV, and I’ve done more than one show on the topic.” She tilts her head and scrutinizes Sameer.

“I have plenty of self-defense training, Declan. I can take care of myself. But thanks for the concern. It’s very sweet of you.”

“It has nothing to do with being sweet,” Declan shakes his head. “This is a business deal, and Sameer has a lot of experience in discreetly guarding women. You won’t ever even see him.”

“So this isn’t even up for discussion?”

Declan looks at her. “I’m afraid not.”

She’s quiet for a moment, wringing her hands, then leaning back with a sigh.

“Your world, your rules – so, I’m taking the midnight train to Georgia,” she finally says, and Declan breathes a tiny sigh of relief. “Now, what do I do?”

Declan gestures at Sameer. “Nothing,” Sameer says. “You go about your business as usual. I will be near but I will not attempt to interact with you unless I see a need for it. You will put me on speed-dial on your cell phone. Something looks wrong, you let me know and I’ll take care of it. Other than that, you will not even know that I’m there.”

“But what about work?”

“Leave that to me, ma’m. I have made all the necessary arrangements already. Forget we ever had this conversation, unless you are in trouble.”

Declan holds up his hand: “And I mean any kind of trouble. If your car breaks down, you call him. If you have a medical emergency, you call him.”

“I have seven years of professional experience,” Sameer nods. “Unfortunately you’ll just have to take my word for it, as anything about my past positions, by their very nature, is privileged information.”

“Sameer has been working for me on and off. I know he’ll take good care of you.”

Kaya looks from one to the other, and Declan can tell she’s a little overwhelmed and rather uncomfortable with the idea, but then she smiles. “All right. I hope I’m not too difficult of a client.”

Sameer shakes his head. “Do not trouble yourself with such thoughts. It is my honor to protect you.”

“Thanks, Sameer,” Declan says, and the man nods at them both and leaves the room.

“Declan?”

“You can stop it at any time, Kaya. But I want to be sure you’re safe. This is more for me than for you.”

Kaya sighs. “I understand. And I still think it’s very sweet of you. Wow. My own bodyguard! Who would’ve thunk…”

She gets up and rummages in her backpack, then fishes out a small box and hands it to Declan. “I brought you something. From Vegas. It’s nothing big, but I thought of you.” She hands him the box.

It feels heavy for its size. “What is it?”

“Open it and find out.”

He lifts the lid and pulls away the tissue paper. Inside is a gold-hued metallic cube, about an inch in size.

“Pyrite?”

Kaya smiles. “Isn’t it perfect? It grew that way, in a rock. It reminded me of the gold they pull out of motherboards, what you told me about.”

Declan holds it up and looks at it. “It’s beautiful, Kaya. I’ve never seen one so evenly grown. Thank you.”

He puts it back into the box and she steps into his embrace.

They hold each other for a long time. There’s no going back now, he knows. He’s pulled her in, and for better or worse, she’s now one of his people.

And it’s more important than ever to keep her out of the whole meth business. He trusts her to keep his secret – especially since she doesn’t even know it.

***

The house isn’t fancy, but all she can see through the windows is junk – old cars, barrels, steel tanks, twisted piles of metal, a stack of bicycles – titanium, most likely, a few school buses and what appears to be an old helicopter. Next to it there’s a pile of bell-shaped items which she thinks might be rocket motor parts, since they’re right beside a pile of long cylindrical metal structures. And there’s a lidded dumpster overflowing with old computer desktop CPUs. Two people are busy tossing CPUs into a truck. It just looks like a regular junk yard to her. She turns and finds Declan standing there, hands in his pockets, smiling.

“It’s like a playground for grown-ups,” she says, and he laughs.

“Come on, I want to show you something,” he winks at her.

She follows him upstairs into a smaller but cozy living area. Declan picks up a metal ball, about the size of a plum. He hands it to her and she nearly drops it – it’s unbelievably heavy.

“Wow, what is that thing?”

“Ball bearing from the Columbia.”

“The space shuttle?”

“Yeah.”

“You found one? After the accident?”

“No, this is one of the early ones. They replaced them regularly. A friend of mine worked ground crew and lined it up for me.”

“Hot damn,” she murmurs, turning it over in her hands. “Did this one fly into space?”

“Twice, actually. I traded it for some spare parts. Totally legal.”

“You traded it?”

Declan sits down, motions for her to join him, and she climbs into his lab, straddling his thighs.

“Yeah. The shuttles needed parts that were no longer manufactured, towards the end. So the engineers scoured eBay and thousands of junk yards. I happened to have a good stock pile of comparables, and rather than charge for it I was able to trade. Please don’t drop it in my lap.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she laughs and leans in to kiss him. “I like what you got down there just fine.”

He smiles into her kiss and takes the ball bearing from her, carefully setting it on a side table.

“I’ve missed you,” Kaya says, weaving her fingers through his hair.

“Missed you, too,” Declan nods. “And I’m sorry about Sameer, and all that.”

“Don’t be. I bought that train ticket. I hear Georgia’s nice.”

“You’ve never been there?”

“Nope. No, wait. Changing planes in Atlanta, once. There were giant photos of the Hubble telescope in the airport. It was pretty cool. Have you?”

“Many times. Hot and muggy in the summer, but nice mountains. Peaches and peanuts and pines. Great beaches.”

Kaya turns and cuddles up in his lap. “I’ve never thought of Georgia as having beaches.”

“But they do. And an island that’s named after me.”

“You own an island off the Georgia coast?”

Declan laughs, and she can feel it against her whole body. “No, of course not. It’s just got the same name. Cumberland.”

“Must be nice.”

“Mmhmm.”

She snakes her hand between the buttons of his shirt and runs her palm over his skin.

“I brought the cuffs,” she mentions casually.

He kisses the top of her head. “You did, huh?”

“Yep. I don’t know what your time frame is here, but just in case.”

“Well, I have some work to do, but we can spend the night.”

And as if on cue she hears a voice from downstairs, shouting “Declan – Lydia on the line!”

He sighs. “I’ll be back. Make yourself at home.”

She gets up to let him move off the couch, then picks up the ball bearing again, rolling it around in her hands. It smells vaguely of gunpowder. She looks around. There’s a nice big bed on the other end of the room and a large bathroom with a walk-in shower. Today’s issue of the Phoenix New Times is on the breakfast table in the kitchenette next to the couch. She puts the ball bearing back on a shelf and opens the paper.

There’s a Keurig coffee maker on the counter, along with a rack of assorted coffees, and so she pops one into the machine and minutes later she has a lovely steaming mug of joe. There are some books on mining, metalworking and minerals, an old Kelly Blue Book and – she squeals in delight – the entire collection of Calvin and Hobbes books.

A typical bachelor pad, she thinks, if a little too neat and tidy. No empty beer bottles, no man magazines, no dirty clothes on the floor.

Of course, he probably has a cleaning person. But still, it’s all a little too perfect.

“Who are you, really,” she mumbles, then settles down with the paper and her coffee mug.

Declan is gone for almost an hour. He looks exhausted when he comes back upstairs.

“Coffee?”

“I’d love some,” he sighs.

She jumps up and fills up the machine.

“Sorry, Kaya, it’s just like having to deal with my ex-wife. Utterly annoying yet entirely unavoidable.”

“You were marr-“ she stops herself in mid-word and coughs.

“No, it’s ok. I was. Long time ago. No kids, in case you were wondering. How about you?”

“Nope, nothing. Almost engaged, once. Found out he was a card-carrying NRA member who really wanted me barefoot and pregnant. _So_ not my thing.”

“Why’d you get together in the first place?”

Kaya laughs. “He gave head like an angel, if you can believe it. He was a great cook and he did my laundry. And he was into a lot of the things that I like, too.”

She carries his coffee over to him.

“Sounds like a good deal to me. Thank you.”

Kaya shrugs. “I dunno. It got to be more and more about what he wanted. Then his dad died. And suddenly he wanted kids and the whole 1950s family thing, and I said, fine, you have the kids and stay home with them, while I go to work.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Declan say, sipping his coffee, “except the male pregnancy angle.”

“I put myself through undergrad and two grad degrees on my own, Declan. I worked several jobs and busted my ass to rack up scholarships. I got some loans – which, I’m proud to say, are all paid off now – and I wanted to practice what I had been training for. Is that so wrong?”

“Nope. I say good riddance. Too bad about the giving head, though.”

“Yeah, it’s an art form.” She pokes him in the chest. “Are you any good at it?”

Declan chuckles. “Haven’t had any complaints so far.”

“I’m really spoiled.”

He sets down his mug, pulls her in for a long kiss. “Give me a chance?”

She hands him his coffee back. “We have to get rid of the Lydias first. I don’t like interruptions.”

“Thought you liked to share?”

“Well, I don’t know Lydia, but if she’s game, sure, I’ll give it a shot. I just don’t want her to arrive in the middle of a good part. I hate that.”

Declan shakes his head. “Try as I might I cannot imagine Lydia giving good head. Too neurotic and high-strung. She probably bites, too. And she definitely has a talent for interrupting good parts... Oh, let’s not talk about her anymore.”

Kaya vows not to bring her up again – probably a rival business associate. Or another metal dealer. Either way, Lydia equals bad news.

Declan frowns. “No, she’s an exporter. Mostly to Europe. Moving stuff from point A to point B is what she does. Europeans are big on recycled materials.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“No, but you thought it.”

“Touché,” Kaya admits.

Declan gets up. “I need to make a few more calls. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. There’s Caramel Pecan ice cream in the freezer.”

He winks at her and goes back downstairs, taking his coffee with him. Kaya cuddles up with a Calvin and Hobbes book and a small bowl of ice cream, and some time later she falls asleep.

***

It’s late afternoon by the time Declan makes it back upstairs. He hasn’t heard from Kaya in a few hours and is not surprised when he finds her asleep on the sofa. He gently pries the bowl and the book from her hands, then scoops her up and sets her down on the bed. She doesn’t wake and so he grabs a blanket from the closet and drapes it over her.

The Vegas job probably took it out of her, he muses, watching her sleep. He wishes he could sleep like that – like a log, without a care in the world. He suffers from frequent insomnia, and not from lack of tiredness or because of racing thoughts; he’s pretty good at switching off his work day if he wants to. He’s tried medications and yoga with some success, but more often than not he just gets up again.

Dog probably wants to go play for a while so he takes him outside and they play fetch for some time, under the watchful eye of Bax who is immersed in Candy Crush on the front porch in between moving to keep Declan in his peripheral vision.

“You like Kaya, Dog?” he asks.

Dog sits down and looks up at him expectantly.

“You do?”

Dog barks once and wags his tail in the dust.

“I’m thinking pizza for dinner. I think there’s still one in the freezer. Or what about spaghetti?”

Dog whines.

“Lasagna? Are you for real? I don’t have anything here for lasagna.”

Dog gets up and sneezes.

“No, I can’t just open a can for her.”

He looks up at the house. “Spaghetti it is. Or whatever pasta is in the pantry. We need to go grocery shopping. Come on.”

Kaya wakes up as they come upstairs and Dog sticks his wet nose into her face.

“Hello, sleepyhead,” Declan says.

Kaya rubs her eyes. “Wha? How did-“

“You must’ve needed that,” Declan grins. “Pantry says you have two choices for dinner: pasta with marinara or mac’n’cheese.”

“Ooooh…” Kaya thinks hard. “You know what? Mac’n’cheese sounds wonderful. Is it the fake orange powdered crap?”

“You bet.”

“Mix some of the spaghetti sauce into the cheese. It’s awesome, I promise.”

“All right.”

“I’m going to take a quick shower. I feel so sticky after that long trip from Vegas, and then the trip out here.”

“Towels in the bathroom closet.”

He puts Dog’s dinner into his bowl and then boils the water for the pasta, drains it and adds the cheese powder with the canned sauce. Sure enough, it tastes delicious. Why has he never thought of this?

Kaya comes out of the bathroom, wrapped in a large bath sheet. “Didn’t expect such a fancy shower out here in the middle of nowhere,” she says, rubbing her hair with a hand towel.

“Yeah, well, the small perks, you know?”

Declan sets out two bowls and forks and puts the pot in the middle of the table, along with two tall glasses of water.

"Voilà,” he gestures with a flourish.

“Better than the Italian restaurant,” Kaya says and digs in.

Declan laughs. “Well, Luigi’s is a close second, though. This is pretty good. I’ve never tried mixing the powder with the sauce.”

“You can do it with Ramen, too,” Kaya says between bites. “I’m a lousy cook. But I do experiment with what I have.”

She watches him eat. “Gotta love a guy who can appreciate the lower culinary delights in life.”

Declan laughs out loud. “Same goes for you.”

She kicks him under the table. “Oh, shush. I saw that gourmet kitchen you have in town. All restaurant-grade stainless steel appliances. How come you even have boxed food?”

Declan shrugs. “The kitchen’s mostly for show. I’m too lazy to really do anything with it. I like to cook, but not for myself. But we can try something more complex there if you want.”

“I’ve always wanted to try lasagna.”

“Seriously? That’s like the easiest thing in the book. Dog loves it.”

“It’s a date, then.”

“You’re easily amused, Kaya.”

“I appreciate even the little blessings in life. It makes this whole world more bearable.”

He stares at her for a long time. “You’re right,” he finally says. “A matter of perspective.”

They finish their meal and Kaya insists on washing the dishes. He digs in the fridge and pulls out a pomegranate. “Dessert?”

“Yum,” she says. They pick the fruit apart unceremoniously, standing there at the counter.

Kaya gathers the leftover seeds in a bowl as Declan wraps his arms around her from behind. She stills in his embrace, gently touching his hands and he moves to kiss her neck. She tilts her head to the side to give him better access, then pulls the end of the towel out and it falls open and slips to the floor.

Her breasts are small and firm and fit comfortably into the palms of his hands. She leans her head back onto his shoulder and reaches up to touch his cheek, letting him explore her breasts and stomach. She’s actually rather skinny, he observes, he can clearly feel every rib as he runs his fingertips over her chest. Putting his left arm across her front he slips his right hand lower, glides it over her stomach, her hip bones. She turns her face and he kisses her slowly, tasting the fruit on her tongue as he moves his hand lower.

He feels the familiar rushing in his ears, feels himself lengthen and fill out. She’s already wet when he dips his finger between her folds and finds her clit. She bucks into his hand, sighing.

He kisses her again, then lets go of her and picks up the towel and holds out his hand. She puts her hand into his and he motions her to the sofa and he spreads the towel out for her. Kissing her deeply he pushes her backwards to sit down as he follows her onto his knees.

Declan strokes her thighs and she scoots forward and spreads her legs to give him better access. He kisses her stomach, inhales her scent and her hands come up to tangle in his hair.

“Declan,” she breathes and he runs his hands up towards her groin, parts her folds and exposes her clit. Her hips move in response, tilting to meet him and he marvels at the small swollen nub, then places a gentle kiss on the center of her pleasure. She exhales with a soft moan, and Declan knows he’s just scored big time.

He smiles and kisses a trail upwards across her stomach and rib cage, pausing to briefly suckle on one nipple, then the other.

She pulls up his face, pushing her tongue into his mouth, and he opens up for her while his fingers search out her folds again. “Yes,” she mumbles, sucking his lower lip into her mouth. He holds still for her until he has to come up for air, then places kisses along her jaw line, down her neck and back across her front. She spreads her legs wider, pushes his face towards her groin and he quickly licks her center. A soft moan encourages him, and he starts stroking her clit with the tip of his tongue. She seems to prefer her right side, but he moves back and forth, knowing how sensitive she is there and not wanting to end her sweet torture too soon.

Her breaths deepen and her hips move lightly with his licks and nibbles, and finally he latches on to her and sucks gently. Her audible gasp makes him smile, and he glides his hands onto the back of her thighs to her buttocks, lifts her up slightly and tilts her hips up some more, then spreads her legs carefully. Her hands let go of his hair, pulling up her knees instead.

Declan knows a final surrender when he sees it, and he takes the invitation to push his tongue into her. She tastes good to him, tangy and sweet at the same time. He can tell she’s getting close and he stops to reach up and push two fingers into her mouth. She sucks on them eagerly, swirling her tongue around them and he grabs himself with his left hand, squeezing hard to keep himself from coming.

Then he returns to her clit and begins sucking on her in earnest, moments later pushing his fingers deeply into her. She bucks up into his face, nearly bruising his nose, and he can feel her inner muscles clamping onto him, rippling around his fingers, trying to pull them in, milking them hard. It takes his breath away to feel her reaction so clearly. He moves his fingers in and out, sucking her hard, as she exhales with shuddering sighs, her orgasm whipping through her entire body.

He draws out her sweet agony as long as he can, pushing her over the edge again and again, stunned by her sheer endless potential to spasm into ecstasy.

“Declan…” she finally moans. “I can’t… oh gods, I can’t…” and he replaces his fingers with his tongue, lapping up her juices, easing up on her overstimulated clit. She’s completely out of breath, letting go of her knees and pulling his face up to hers, and he moves forward, kissing her as her legs clamp around his hips.

He eases her down slowly, allowing her to catch her breath, then leaning back to look at her face. He can tell she’s in pain, and the tears are running down her face.

“You okay?” he asks quietly. She nods, sobs racking her breath. He moves to sit beside her, then pulls her into his lap and she curls into him, her face against his neck as he holds her. Her hands fist his shirt and he strokes her naked back. Clearly he’s hurt her, and he vows to back off sooner next time.

“I’m okay,” she finally says. “I came so hard and so often that it hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I won’t do it again.”

“No, no.” She shakes her head. “I want you to do it again. More, even. I’m so sore. I love it.”

He tilts her face up, and she smiles under her tears. “It’s okay, really.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t. You made me come so hard that it hurt. It’s different. I need to practice more.”

And he finally gets it.

“Well, that’s a first for me, too, then,” he admits, and she reaches up and kisses him.

“What about you,” she wants to know.

“I’m about to burst.”

“Then fuck me. I’ll be okay.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. Hurry up.”

She struggles out of his hold and he gets up, pulls down his pants and boxers, fumbles for a condom, puts it on, and seconds later he’s inside of her.

One, two, three thrusts, and he’s coming, grunting hard. She’s biting her lip, he notices, and he withdraws as soon as he catches his breath.

She touches his cheek. “That was urgent.”

“No kidding.” He pulls off the condom, wraps it in a tissue and sets it aside.

“I’d love to suck you off right now,” Kaya sniffles. “But the lube doesn’t taste all that good. Nonoxynol-9 isn’t my favorite flavor.”

“Don’t blame you.” He gets up and pulls up his boxers and pants, still half hard. She straightens, gets up as well.

“Ow.”

“Kaya, I’m sorry.”

“No, my leg fell asleep. And there’s nothing to be sorry for anyway. Damn, you’re good.”

“And I’m not even a card-carrying NRA member,” he quips.

“Thank god for that,” she grins. She wraps the towel around herself as he disposes of the condom.

When he returns she has climbed up on the bed and pats the mattress. “Lose the threads,” she says and he quickly strips down.

“Socks?”

“Off, please.” She giggles. “No rush now, you got time.”

He slips under the blanket and she pulls out the towel, shivering a little. He scoots closer and she tangles her legs with his.

He’s still a little shell-shocked by her orgasm, and even though she insists that she’s okay he can’t help but feel a little guilty. But there she is, in his arms, and she’s exploring his body slowly, leisurely, and he lets her take the lead and do whatever she wants.

And he feels vulnerable and safe at the same time.

***

When she wakes up it’s dark outside. Declan sits on the bed next to her, tapping away quietly on a laptop, wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

She yawns. “Hey… watcha doin’?”

“Market analysis,” he says, flashing her a quick smile. “Palladium prices are way up. Demand has been rising like crazy.”

She sits up. “May I?”

He lifts his arm, allows her to scoot close. She puts her head on his shoulder. He quickly navigates between screens full of pie charts and graphs and tables crammed with numbers.

“You don’t have an actuary for that?”

“Nope. I trust my own experience more. Actuaries do numbers. I know metals. It’s more immediate, you know?”

“Mmhmm.”

She watches him for a while, catching aluminum, copper and germanium charts that don’t make much sense to her. He gives her a quick kiss on the head. “Electronics recycling. Computers, mostly. Cell phones are a growing market. And hybrid vehicles.”

“Seems like only yesterday that they became available.”

“Yeah. And now we’re looking for ways to recycle them. Crazy, huh?”

She places her hand on his chest, feels his heartbeat, his ribs moving as he draws breath.

Declan sighs and closes the laptop and sets it aside, then pulls her closer.

For a long time they just sit there, each hanging after their own thoughts.

“I should have paid better attention in chemistry class,” she says. “I used to know the periodic table and all that pretty well at some point.”

“Well, use it or lose it.”

She nods, then wriggles out of his embrace and kneels up to face him, reaching for his hand. His nails are nicely manicured, his fingers elegant, marred here and there by small scars – burns, most likely, she thinks.

“Declan, look, I know you have a lot more going on than recycled metals.”

“Oh?”

“Just a hunch. I’m a good observer, remember?”

“Okay.”

“And I’m guessing it’s a whole lot more dangerous than even radioactive stuff. And I know you can’t ever tell me, and I don’t ever want you to. I promise I won’t ask you, or make it conditional or anything. And if I ever do ask, by accident or because I’m not thinking, just don’t answer. I’ll understand.”

“Kaya-“

“No, it’s all right. It’s all about choices, I get that. But if you ever, for whatever reason, need to talk – I’m here. I won’t judge you. I’m past that. I may not like it, but I can separate who you are from what you do, and I like what I see just fine.”

He looks at her silently, then takes her hand.

“And what do you see?”

She smiles. “I see a man who rescued a puppy from a dumpster. Someone with layers, with depth. Someone loyal to a fault. Someone who protects those who… who are close to him.”

“Whom he loves?”

“Maybe. You’ve never judged me, never told me I was weird. Well, I am, of course, but we’re all a little weird, everyone in their own way. But you’ve never judged my lifestyle. That’s a rare and precious thing.”

His lips move, as if he wants to say something, then he closes his eyes and looks away. She weaves her fingers between his.

“I will never try to change you, even if I disagree with whatever it is you do. I’m not into this whole missionary thing. Because if you change everyone you meet to who you think they should be, you’ll never learn anything new or different. All you ever look at is a mirror.”

“You’re good for me, Kaya,” he finally says, not looking at her. “You make me feel like a much better person than I really am.”

“And that’s the part of you that I want.”

He looks back at her and smiles, then kisses her fingertips.

“I can promise you that part. Don’t ever change, either.”

“One more thing, Declan.”

“Shoot.”

“I’m not an exclusive kind of person. Never have been. I love my current partners too much to just give up on them.”

“And I’d never want you to, Kaya. I want you to be as free as you can stand it. Spend time with me when you want, and when you can. It’s your call.”

“I’ll keep your secrets, Declan. The fact that you even have them. I know it’s safer for me not to know, which is why I’m guessing Sameer is going to shadow me. But I also know how to keep my yap shut. My partners all depend on it. Society just isn’t ready yet for people who live and love differently.”

“I like that about you,” Declan says and leans forward to kiss her gently. “I’m so locked in, business and all. You’re so opposite to that. It’s good to keep that in view.”

“Speaking of locked in…”

He chuckles.

“Now?”

“If you’re up for it.”

He pulls her up close. “I’m actually a little tired. It’s 3am.”

“No shit! My whole circadian thing is out of whack. I don’t usually nap during the day.”

He sighs. “Yeah, well, I have another call to make anyway.”

“At three in the morning?”

He gives her a pointed look.

“Ah, right. It’s not 3am everywhere on the planet.”

“It’s 4pm in Perth.”

“Perth… Australia?”

“Yep. I’ll be back in a little bit. And then we’d better get some sleep.”

***

Declan is tired, but the call to Perth is important – and this time it’s really business. He’s invested in a mercury recycling operation just outside of the city, and environmental regulations must be followed to the letter. With Australia being one of the first countries to completely do away with incandescent light bulbs the recycling of compact fluorescents is booming Down Under, and it’s a great way to launder some of his new income. The returns are well worth the millions of rules.

Besides, he loves hearing Aussies talk.

He’d like to visit some day. Maybe Kaya would like to tag along. It would be a great getaway and a decoy, and a vacation to boot, which he hasn’t had in ages.

His Perth contact Pauline jumps at the idea and rattles off several things to do and see in Perth alone. Declan knows she’ll bend over backwards to accommodate him, in return for jumpstarting her business which employs several dozen people from troubled backgrounds who are now getting their feet back beneath themselves with regular incomes, healthcare and job security.

It’s a feel-good phone call, and he bounces a little as he makes his way back up the stairs.

Kaya is reading one of his Calvin and Hobbes books. “I love that you have all of these,” she says. “I wish it was still going on.”

“Me, too. I’m just going to grab a shower and brush my teeth.”

“Okay.” She returns her attention to the book, then sets it aside and grins at him. “May I watch?”

Declan raises his eyebrows. “Um, sure.”

She jumps up and follows him into the bathroom. He feels a little self-conscious taking his clothes off in front of her, but the way she bites her lower lip makes him suddenly feel desirable. He’s never considered voyeurism as a turn-on, apart from the occasional internet porn, and really, who doesn’t watch it? But this is different, because Kaya clearly likes what she sees, and she’s not afraid to show her appreciation.

He turns on the shower, then steps in, turning his back towards her so he can take a piss, then quickly washing his hair and face and scrubbing himself down with a bath pouf. He faces her as he finishes with his groin area and sees her lick her lips.

Oh yes, she sure knows how to make a guy feel good about himself, he thinks, and turns the water off. She quickly reaches for a towel and hands it to him, and he scrubs his wet hair and then dries himself off.

She drapes the towel over the rack and puts his shirt in the hamper by the sink while he brushes his teeth.

He can feel her hands on his shoulders and turns to kiss her deeply.

“Mmhmm, minty fresh,” she giggles, then takes his hand and pulls him back towards the bed. “When do you have to get up?”

“Well, the guys get here around 9, so maybe 8?”

“Morse and Bax?”

“Morse is in the basement, Bax downstairs. We’re perfectly safe.”

“Where’s Dog?”

“Probably watching the Weather Channel with Bax.”

He switches the light off and climbs into bed, holding up the blanket for her to join him. For a while they just trade slow, lazy kisses, and he feels himself drift away with her hand in his damp hair.

***

She wakes up with his cock nestled between her buttocks and his hands holding her breasts, and he bends over her as she turns her head to receive his kiss. “You want a quickie before breakfast?” she mumbles.

“Now, who could turn down that offer,” he says, his lips on her neck. It tickles and she squirms a little, pulling up her knee and he reaches between her legs, dipping a finger between her folds and then reaching further to gently rub her clit. She sighs with delight at his touch.

“Hold on a sec,” he whispers as he reaches over her to the bedside table, fishing a condom out of the drawer. She lies still, listening to the sound of the package being torn open, his cough as he rolls it on, then his kiss on her shoulder. She pulls up her knee a little further and then his cock is pushing against her, and she tilts her hips to give him better access. He reaches over her to brace himself and then she feels him sliding into her, hot and hard.

She gasps and tries to relax, as a short pain brings her fully into wakefulness.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Damn, you feel big this way.”

“Too much?”

“No, don’t stop. Fuck me, Declan.”

She reaches down to stroke her clit as he begins to thrust into her. He bends down and latches onto her neck and suddenly she realizes how completely he has her pinned down, and his weight on her back nearly takes her breath away. He reaches up for her other hand, holds her down at the wrist and then gives a short sharp push.

She cries out, part pain, part excitement. She feels almost immobilized, completely exposed to his deep penetration, held down by his entire body. The thought goes to her head and pushes her over the edge, as she moans quietly.

He pushes himself up, reaches for her knee and pulls it up even further, braces his wrist into the hollow behind and begins thrusting hard into her. Kaya gasps for air as he slams his hips against her, grunting with the effort. She can’t see his face, but she knows the exact moment when he closes his eyes and holds his breath as he comes hard. He exhales, hits her hard again, and she pushes against his wrist to give him better purchase.

She reaches back to grab his buttock, feels him clench his cheeks as he pushes into her a few more times, then exhales with a deep moan and leans down again to kiss her.

A short time later he withdraws from her body and she straightens her legs, a little stiff from the extreme angle, and rolls over. He’s pulled the condom off and is wrapping it in a tissue, then comes back to kiss her gently, kneading her breasts and stroking her clit.

She touches his cheek. “You good?”

“Never better. Ready to face the day.”

It makes her smile. “Up and at ‘em.”

He kisses her again, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. She hears the shower run for a few minutes, then Declan comes back, carrying his jeans. He pulls a pair of boxers from a chest of drawers and puts them on, then finding socks and a shirt, finally pulling on his jeans while she watches lazily.

He gestures at the bathroom. “All yours. Coffee?”

“Yes, please.” She peels herself out of the bed and goes to wash up and get dressed. Declan hands her a steaming mug when she comes back into the room.

“What’s the plan for today?”

“I have to go into town, so that means you can ride along and we’ll drop you off at home. I have a few stops to make, so I don’t know when I’ll be done. And I have to go to Flagstaff in the afternoon. Be back tomorrow.”

“All right.” She’s disappointed that they won’t have more time, but when she checks her messages Isabel and Justin have lined up Yamato, another one of their friends, and she knows there will be plenty of distractions.

“You look pleased,” Declan nods at her phone.

“Good friend is coming to visit.”

Declan smiles. “Good.”

“I’ll still miss you.”

“I’ll call you soon. Maybe this weekend. We could make lasagna at the house.”

She beams at him. “That would be awesome. It sounds like so much fun!”

While Declan meets with his crew she packs her bag and wistfully wraps up the cuffs again. “Soon,” she whispers. She wants them both to be awake and able to enjoy it, and this rather impromptu day just simply didn’t allow for much playtime.

She plays fetch with Dog while Declan finishes up his meeting with the men. Then she gets into the car and Morse hands her the sleeping mask. She puts it on and then feels Declan’s hand on her shoulder, squeezing her gently. She strokes his fingers, then relaxes in her seat, pretending to be asleep until Morse tells her to take the mask off. She recognizes the area – they are near the mall where she first met Declan, and she turns and smiles at him.

Declan looks up from his phone and blows her a kiss.

Soon they pull up in front of her house.

“Remember, when you see Sameer – if you see him – pretend he’s not there. Unless you need him.”

“Got it.”

Morse gets out and grabs her bag from the trunk. She thanks him, then waves as the SUV pulls away. She stares after it for a moment, then pulls herself together and goes into the house.

It’s quiet. She feels lonely.

She wishes things could be different, but she knows they never will be, and truthfully, she’d rather have it this way than not have Declan in her life at all.

***

“This couldn’t have come at a worse time,” Declan says and puts the phone down.

They have just returned from Flagstaff, and all Declan wants to do is call Kaya and see if she wants to go hiking. Or go see a movie. Or make lasagna. Anything not work-related.

But of course that’s when Lydia has to call and turn his world upside down.

Morse and Bax look at each other, then Bax clears his throat.

“So Heisenberg is out? Just like that? With – what – 600 gallons of methylamine to go?”

“So it seems. Better call Kevin and tell him vacation’s over.”

“Steve’s already on it.”

“Good.”

Morse looks at him. “You don’t seem to be too happy about it.”

Declan sighs. “Well, it was good money, and absolutely no overhead costs.”

“Yeah. On the other hand, you can buy him out and we start cooking again.”

“My thoughts exactly. And with the demand from Lydia’s Czech connection we’ll have to hire a second cook.”

“What about this Todd guy? The runner? He was Heisenberg’s assistant until now.”

“He’s just a kid.”

“So was Heisenberg’s first partner. The little punk that was there when we met with them, on the desert road.”

“Yeah, but they’d been cooking together for four years. Todd’s still new to all of this.” Declan gestures widely.

“Oh, don’t fool yourself, he’s got a rap sheet longer than the Mississippi,” Bax snorts. “Burglary, break-ins, forgeries. He only looks sweet. He actually shot a little kid on a dirt bike.”

Declan shakes his head.

“I need a good cook, not a polite criminal.”

“He learned from the best. Listen, Declan, he’s never cooked meth before the gig with Heisenberg. He never knew any bad recipes, and he learned from the best.”

“True enough,” Morse chimes in. “And right now, you may not even have a choice. If you want to keep making Blue Sky, well, he’s your only option.”

Declan nods. “What about the shrimpy guy? What was his name – Jesse?”

“He’s out. One of those wimpy kids who needs a strong parent figure that he can either lean on or rebel against. Without Heisenberg, he’s unfortunately back to being a drug-addled loser.”

“Question is whether I should keep selling the Blue Sky. We have the base, they’ll buy no matter what.”

“True enough.”

“Either way, we need Kevin back right away, start cooking again. Get Steve to look into the supply lines and set up what’s needed so we can hit the ground running. I want to know how much methylamine Heisenberg has left, and we have to make the trip over to Albuquerque and make that buy and haul it back. Chances are Heisenberg will want to sell the equipment as well. It would be a shame to pass on that.”

Bax and Morse look at him.

“I’ll call Heisenberg about the deal. Let’s get this ball rolling.”

“What about Todd?”

Declan is quiet for a moment. “I’ll think about it,” he finally says.

***

“What’s wrong, Declan?”

He’s been absentminded and scatterbrained since they met up in front of the concert hall. Kaya is concerned – he’s not much of a talker on a good day, but tonight he’s downright monosyllabic.

The concert had been his idea – and it was a good one since Kaya has never been to an Indian music performance with sitars and tablas, and she enjoyed it very much. They sit on a bench in front of the building, watching the lights change color in the fountain out front.

“It’s work stuff,” Declan mumbles. “I’m sorry. I’m trying not to think about it.”

“And you can’t talk about it.”

“No.”

“Okay. Is there anything you could do right now to change the situation and make it better?”

“Not really.”

Kaya frowns. “So it’s a matter of having to wait. Wondering which one of x situations comes to pass.”

“More or less, yeah.”

She takes his hand, plays with his fingers. “You need a distraction.”

“I loved the concert, don’t get me wrong, and I’m thrilled you were able to come with me.”

“I liked it, too. So now we have to find something a little more – active to do.”

“Mmhmm.”

She leans over and kisses him, surreptitiously slipping her hand between his legs. He responds slowly, then with more focus.

Score, she thinks.

“Let’s go someplace else,” she whispers into his ear. “I’m hungry.”

“Again?”

“Not for food.”

“Ah.”

She gets up, holds out her hand and he joins her. “Hang on,” he says and quickly sends a message to Morse, who pulls up a few minutes later.

“Back to the house,” Declan says. Morse nods, and they’re off.

The house is brightly lit and welcoming, but it still feels oddly sterile to her. It’s just a tad too tidy and nice. She can hear Bax taking Dog out into the back yard.

She looks around, gestures at the breakfast table with a smile. “Got something a smidgen more comfortable?”

Declan stuffs his hands into his pockets. “I might,” he shrugs nonchalantly. “Upstairs, maybe.”

She grabs her bag and heads up the stairs.

“Office, guest room, bath, guest room, bath,” Declan points out. “Master suite.”

“Well, Master, I think I’ve made my choice.”

She loves the smile on his face and follows him into the roomy suite which includes a fireplace, Jacuzzi tub, sitting area, a big plaid dog bed, a large screen TV and media center, and an antique four poster bed.

“Nice,” she says. “It’s like a spa or something.”

“En suite over there,” Declan points out. “There’s also a-“

She shuts him up with a demanding kiss, and his arms wrap around her, pulling her close. Reaching down she can feel his half-hard cock through his pants. “Hungry,” she says, sucking his lower lip into her mouth.

He kicks off his loafers. “Wait,” she gulps. “I want to watch.”

He shakes his head a little. “Okay. I flunked striptease 101 in college.”

“I know. So, just take off your clothes.” She sits down on the bed.

Declan pauses for a moment, then shrugs and unbuttons his shirt. The muted blue looks good on him, she thinks, a nice contrast to his brown eyes. She approves of the matching color t-shirt he wears underneath. Declan is definitely one of the few men she’s ever met who get their clothes just right. He’s always dressed for the occasion, always blends in perfectly with his environment. She suspects it’s a necessary skill, a business survival mechanism of sorts, but it always looks effortless and easy, never forced.

He could stand to work out a little more, she notes with a smile. Not that he’s in bad shape. Just for better definition. He’s got a good body, he’s well-proportioned, it’s just a question of toning, tightening up a little. Perhaps she could get him started on a routine.

He unbuckles his belt – simple black leather – and pushes down his dark grey linen pants. Summery, roomy, she thinks. Comfortable in the heat of day, yet enough of a windbreaker for cooler nights. He pulls off his socks, then spreads his arms.

“Perhaps you want to do the honors,” he grins.

She pretends to think about it. Truthfully, while most men look a little pathetic in their underwear – especially when they’re slightly out of shape – Declan looks great in the swim-style briefs. She’s recommended them to many actors who generally have no idea how comfortable they are. Like a dance belt, without the actual cost. Boxers are all right in many cases, and tightie-whities should have never been invented in her opinion, although she understands the practicality of their design. For her, they’re the male equivalent of granny underpants, and she appreciates the fact that she’s never seen Declan wear anything but the short briefs or boxers.

“Stylish down to the skivvies,” she observes and gets up to place her hand on his growing bulge. She kisses him as she rubs him through the thin fabric. “So hungry,” she whispers, then bends down and mouths his cock, slipping her fingers up his thighs and under the elastic, then pulling the briefs down as his cock springs free.

“Oh yeah,” she says. “Hello, beautiful.”

His laugh quickly turns into a moan as she takes him into her mouth and licks and gently nibbles along the shaft. Taking his cock into her hand she pushes closer to briefly suck on his balls, snaking a finger down to his perineum and pressing gently. His knees buckle and she grins.

“All right, off with these,” she says, pulling the briefs all the way down and letting him step out of them.

She runs her hands over his skin as she straightens back up, stepping close and trapping his cock between them. He grunts quietly and she takes his face in her hands and kisses him slowly, leisurely. His hands roam her back, then move down to gently knead her ass.

“We should bring Dog back up,” she says, rubbing her palms over his beard. “Maybe he can learn a thing or two.”

Declan laughs. “No worries, he’ll be up in a minute.”

And as if on cue there’s a few happy barks downstairs. “Dinner first,” Declan grins. “Give him a second.”

She sits down on the bed and holds up her foot, letting him take her shoes off. He kisses her feet which she finds an incredibly sweet and tender gesture. She twists around and he finds the zipper for her dress, pulling it down, carefully avoiding her hair. He pulls up her dress and at that moment Dog comes bounding into the room, panting excitedly and sticking his wet nose into Kaya’s crotch. She giggles and Declan pulls Dog off her.

“That,” he says, “is very hungry right now. But not for you. Go to your bed.” He pulls the dress all the way off and snaps his fingers, and Dog trots over to his place and lies down, watching them.

“Wow,” Kaya says. “Every babysitter’s dream: ‘ _Go to bed._ ’ – Kid goes to bed.” She laughs.

Declan smiles and drapes her dress over a chair. She unhooks the clasp of her bra and hands it to him, then scoots back and pulls off her panties, flinging them at him slingshot-style. He catches them with lightning-quick reflexes and places them with her clothes.

Kaya holds up a finger.

“I’d like some of that,” she points at his cock. “A lot of that. No, actually, all of it. And that.” His mouth. “And those.” His hands.

“Coming right up,” he bows at her and she pushes herself off the bed, helping him remove the bedspread.

Then she climbs back up on all fours, sinking down on her elbows and wiggling her ass. Declan kneels up behind her, and she feels his fingers running between her folds. She’s so wet for him she can hardly believe it. And she wants his cock.

“Eager,” he murmurs and pushes two fingers into her, rotating them and thrusting gently. She moves her hips in concert with his hands, biting her lip in anticipation. She feels his mouth on her left buttock.

“Just a sec,” she hears, and she lifts her head to watch him open the bedside drawer and take out a condom, quickly rolling it on. She nods, then eases herself down onto her chest. She feels his hands on the insides of her thighs, pushing gently, spreading her knees further, and the knowledge of being totally open for him arouses her to the point where she can hear her own blood rushing in her ears.

“Come on, come on, come on,” she whispers, then feels the tip of his cock brushing over her clit, all the way back to her hole. His hands stroke her buttocks in firm circles and she moans as he pushes into her, holds it for a moment, then pulls out again.

She feels him shifting on the bed, then bend over her back, his left hand coming down next to her head. Then he enters her again, shifting his weight back and reaching for her wrist with his right hand. Carefully brushing her hair to the side he grasps her left wrist with his left hand, and she can feel his belly against the small of her back.

He spreads his knees, opening her up even more, and the thought of what they must look like right now nearly makes her come: him enclosing her completely, being held down by his entire body, totally covered by him, unable to move.

Kaya moans softly as he begins to thrust, just moving his hips, pushing in and up, and she wants to reach for her clit, rub herself to increase her stimulation, but her arms are immobilized in his firm grip. Realizing there is absolutely nothing she can do makes her head spin, and she almost comes right then and there, but Declan has noticed, and she feels a short sharp pain in her shoulder where he’s nipping her skin. She cries out more in surprise than any true pain and he resumes his thrusting. He doesn’t have a lot of leverage this way, not a lot of room to move, but he more than makes up for it in sheer force.

His rhythmic grunts tell of his effort and she wants to see his face but he has her pinned down so well she can’t even raise her head. She tries to imagine his face – open mouth, closed eyes, a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead, he licks his dry lips on occasion, sometimes blowing out a breath through pursed lips, biting his lower lip – and it’s that thought that pushes her past the point of no return.

He swears softly between his breaths, spurred on by her orgasm, and she feels her inner muscles squeezing him hard, trying to draw him deeper, trying to milk him dry.

She moves against him when he finally comes, increasing his penetration, augmenting his thrusts, and he lets go of her hands, straightens out and grasps her hips instead, holding her in place while he finishes.

She’s breathing hard, gasping for air when he pulls out and bends back over her, gently urging her down onto her side, spooning up against her from behind.

“Holy fucking shit,” Kaya groans. “Declan, what the fuck was that?”

He rolls her towards him and strokes her face, then kisses her deeply.

“What was what,” he nuzzles her neck.

“I’ve never done it like that,” she elaborates. “Like double-doggy. Where did you learn that?”

He smiles and kisses her nose. “Just now. I made it up.”

“No shit?”

“Cross my heart.”

She looks past him. “Yo, Dog, what did you think?”

Dog raises his head and gives a quick bark.

“I’m glad you approve,” Declan says and sits up to take off the condom, then pulls her close again, and she revels in the feel of his damp skin, his hands gliding all over her body, his slow and soft kisses.

It takes a man who’s really grounded, who’s really sure of himself, to be so unafraid of experimenting, she thinks, and once again she feels like she’s won the lottery with him.

She strokes his curly hair.

“Is this for real?” she finally asks.

“I’m right here,” Declan says softly, then turns and lets her wrap her limbs around him, and she quite likes being the outer spoon with him.

He falls asleep quickly, and she places a gentle kiss between his shoulder blades, then reaches over and pulls a sheet over them both before drifting off herself.

***

“Seventy-four percent,” Todd reads off the chromatograph. “Give or take a tenth of a percent. I don’t know how well calibrated this thing is.”

He beams at Declan who nods.

“All right, Todd, you go finish up here. We’ll talk later.”

He checks in with Bax, gets the all-clear and climbs out of the underground lab. “Let’s meet.”

Minutes later his crew is assembled in the house.

“Seventy-four is more than Kevin ever managed,” Steve says. “Don’t get me wrong, Kevin’s like a brother to me, and I’ve done those runs for a long time, but this guy is just better.”

Declan grimaces.

“His percentage is higher, true. A greater purity for sure. But I watched the whole cook, and I get the feeling he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing, really. I mean, on a chemical level.”

Steve admits grudgingly that he agrees.

“He’s a well-trained monkey who has learned enough tricks to be pretty good himself,” he says.

Declan snaps his fingers. “Exactly. So what if something isn’t exactly the way he knows it? What happens when he gets a bad barrel of precursor? How would he even know? And what happens when the humidity level rises and the product goes cloudy?”

Steve looks contrite. “He’s no chemist. He’s got the recipe, but he knows nothing about the ingredients.”

“Bottom line: I want Kevin there, every step along the way. No more cooking until Kevin gets back.”

“You’re right,” Steve says. “It’s too risky. Meanwhile, I’ll put together some guidelines for product acceptability margins, in case Kevin is out for a cook for some reason.”

Bax pokes his head in.

“Todd’s ready,” he says.

“All right,” Declan nods. “Send him in.”

Todd seems nervous but tries not to show it. He’s exceedingly well-mannered and polite, Declan observes. It’s hard to reconcile the image with that of a child-killer. There’s something profoundly twisted about the guy, no doubt, but at this point they pretty much have to take him on.

“I bought up Heisenberg’s equipment,” Declan says. “It will be here and set up in a few days. You can stay on as a cook, on commission, fixed percentage.” Todd lets out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Sir. I promise I won’t let you down.”

Declan jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “There’s a one-room apartment in the garage out back where you can stay. There will be no going anywhere unless Morse or another of my guys takes you, so you’d better make a list of what you need.”

“Of course, Sir. No problem.”

“Understand that you’re on probation, Todd. I’m the worst parole office you’ll ever have, so watch yourself. Our P2P will be back in a few days to set up your stuff, and he’ll supervise you.”

Todd looks like he might disagree with that, but he quickly smiles. “Right on, Sir,” he nods. “I’m eager to learn a few new tricks from him.”

Declan thinks that there won’t be much to learn, more the other way round, but whatever Todd would like to think is fine with him. “Exactly,” he says. “All right. Grab your junk. Bax is going to take you to your quarters.”

“Yes Sir. Thank you, Sir.” Todd nods at the others. “Gentlemen.”

Bax ushers him out the door and Declan catches a quick little eye roll that makes him smile.

Oh yes, he’s got a good crew, and they’re all on the same page.

He dismisses everyone, then makes some coffee and hunkers down on the sofa with a deep sigh, closing his eyes.

Lydia won’t be happy with the seventy-four, but it’s what she’s going to get. And over time, with Kevin’s help, Declan is sure they can bring the percentage up a good deal. Seventy-four is already way above average, so he’s not worried about his market share.

Still, he feels uneasy about the whole situation. He’s built his team over many years, based on his personal experience with them, treating them well and generating a sense of loyalty and cohesiveness that many operations out there lack. None of his people are users – none of them ever have been, and the occasional smoke or one drink too many isn’t a common occurrence. No matter his business ethics, meth is still a highly illegal thing, and he needs his people to be on top of things at all times. It’s the main reason why he’s made it as far as he has.

He sighs and looks across the room, thinking of Kaya and imagining her lounging there, naked, smiling. He walks over to the bed and notices a fluff of red material on the night stand – a small piece of the burgundy Marabou, and suddenly he wants nothing more than for her to tie him up and fuck him senseless. He feels unbalanced, on edge, almost to the point of trembling with that new team member on his mind, and he knows Kaya can bring him back to center. What he needs is to let go.

Declan whistles for Dog, and the pitter-patter of his feet follows. He scratches him behind the ears.

“You wanna play, buddy? Wanna play fetch?”

Dog whines a little and wags his tail so hard he nearly falls over.

“All right. Grab a toy and let’s go.”

They’ve been playing for a few minutes when his phone rings.

“Declan!”

“Kaya – I was just thinking about you.”

“Good things?”

“Things involving Marabou.”

He hears her groan. “Gods, yes,” she replies. “Are you coming into town anytime soon?”

Declan tosses Dog’s tennis ball. “I can come in later this afternoon. When do you get off work?”

“Well, we just wrapped for the day, but I need to prep for tomorrow, since we’ll be on location somewhere out in the boonies.”

“Perfect, then. Can you come over to the house?”

“Sure thing. See you soon.”

“Okay.” He puts his phone away. “Come on. I gotta do some paperwork and go over the contract with Todd.”

Dog follows him into the house and Declan tells him to stay while he grabs a folder with the details and heads across the compound to the garage where Todd is busy unpacking.

He makes sure Todd understands his schedule and responsibilities, and how his pay is calculated. He insists on paying him for today’s cook, even though Todd declines.

“I’m your boss, Todd. And if I decide to pay you, you take the money. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir. I’m sorry, Sir. I just considered this cook as a try-out, a sample, if you will.”

“I’m paying for the sample.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“All right, then. You got your shopping list? We’re headng into town in a bit. Morse is going to bring you back afterwards.”

“Right here, Sir,” Todd holds up a hastily scrawled list.

“Oh, and Todd?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“You smoke outside, next to the barrel by the door, and nowhere else. There are a lot of hazardous materials out there, and I don’t want you to blow anything up.”

“Of course, Sir. No problem. I’m ready anytime.”

Declan nods and indicates the door.

They don’t talk much on the way into town. Todd tries making conversation but gives up quickly. Declan almost feels sorry for him. They stop to let him out at a Wal Mart Supercenter.

“I’ll be back in an hour or so,” Morse says. “Try to leave some stuff for the rest of the town.”

Todd gives him a sloppy salute and trots off.

“Weird kid,” Declan says. “Yeah,” Morse nods. “He had quite a list. So, I’ll drop you off at the house, then take Todd back, get Mitch to keep an eye on him overnight and then meet you back at the house?”

“Yep.”

“Got it.”

***

It takes Kaya longer than anticipated to finish up, and as much as she’d like to hurry she forces herself to take her time and check her work meticulously, verifying the inventory and reorganizing a few fall-back costume pieces. It’s a good-size group scene out in the badlands near sunset, so there’s no room for error since the scene is specific to the time of day.

It’s also the first time that she spots Sameer; he’s in an animated conversation with a gate security officer – it looks to her like they’ve known each other for some time. She fights the urge to acknowledge her own bodyguard and quickly makes her way to her car.

It feels weird – up until now Sameer has been virtually invisible, and she suspects that something has happened for him to make sure she’d see him. She keeps checking her rear-view mirror, but nobody seems to be following her, not even Sameer. Although, he could be huddling on the roof of her car for all she knows. The mental image makes her laugh.

She pulls up to the house right behind Morse’s SUV.

“Hey,” she says. “Where’s Declan?”

Morse points at the house. “Inside. I had an errant to run. Keys?”

She hands him her car keys and pops the trunk to get her bags. Morse grabs one.

“Thanks,” she says. “Hey Morse, is something going on?”

Morse shrugs. “There’s always something going on,” he drawls.

She mimes zipping her lips and follows him into the house. Declan is in the kitchen, slicing yellow squash.

“Hi honey, I’m home,” she grins, and Declan wipes his hands on a towel and comes over to kiss her quickly.

“Is Bax out back?” Morse asks Declan, after taking a quick look around.

“With Dog.”

“All right. I’ll put up the cars.”

He leaves and Kaya throws her arms around Declan, and for a short while she simply enjoys holding him close, trading little kisses.

“What are you making?”

“Cutting up veggies for lasagna.”

“May I assist?”

“Sure. Go ahead and slice the zucchini.”

She pulls out a cutting board and knife, washes the green gourd and starts cutting.

“I saw Sameer today,” she says casually. “Is there something going on?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just never noticed him. He’s got an invisibility cloak or something. But he was right out there at the security checkpoint today.”

She can tell Declan is fighting with himself, as he doesn’t respond for some time, and she’s about to apologize when he nods at her.

“We have a new guy. Very good at his job. It just takes a bit for people to find their place, and for everyone to accept that there’s a new kid on the block, you know?”

“You don’t like him.”

“No, I like him just fine. I just…”

“You don’t trust him yet,” she finishes up for him. He doesn’t answer, and she decides to not pursue the matter any further. He asks her about the next day’s shoot.

“Well, it’s a crowd scene.”

“Like at the mall?”

“Yeah. Very specific. Every background character has an actual role, and the timing is crucial, a sunset shoot.”

“I’m guessing colors are a big deal then?”

She looks up in surprise. “Exactly,” she smiles. “You pick up on these things quickly.”

He shrugs. “I like learning about your work. It’s fascinating to me.”

Then he shows her how to prepare the baking pan and layer the pasta sheets, veggies, sauce and ricotta cheese.

“I can’t believe how simple this is,” she blurts out. “I thought there must be so much more to it!”

“Told you so.”

“You did indeed.”

“Set the oven to 350, would you?”

Kaya stares at the restaurant-style monster. “Um, does this thing take quarters, or what?”

Declan laughs. “Here, I’ll show you.”

She marvels at how comfortable he is with the equipment, but then again, someone who handles metals all day long and mucks around with smelts probably considers this stainless steel contraption child’s play.

They wash the dishes while the oven preheats, then Declan places the dish on the middle rack and sets the timer.

“Okay, we have an hour,” he says and washes his hands. “Can I get you something else to drink?”

Kaya grins. “Yeah. Sort of.” She gestures at his groin, and he actually blushes a little. It makes her heart skip a beat.

She turns and grabs her bag, figures Morse has taken the other one upstairs already, and sure enough, when she enters the suite there it is at the foot of the bed.

“Can you clone Morse?” she sighs, pointing at the bag. “This guy is a saint.”

Declan smiles. “The best. I’d take a dozen of him, if given half a chance.”

“Me too. All right, clock’s ticking, big guy. Off with the duds.”

***

He finds it oddly arousing to have her tell him what to do. In his day to day life he’s in charge of just about everything, both around the lab and the whole business surrounding it and in his legitimate ventures – the scrap yards, the recycling centers, the processing facilities. He monitors everything personally, and it’s part of his success: he knows how to delegate and what he needs to do himself. The loyalty of his team and his employees is paramount, and while some of that can be bought it’s never enough, and he needs 100% reliability.

And then there’s Kaya, his wild card. He doesn’t pay her, and her loyalty to him is a complicated issue. While she would never rat him out she’s also not exclusive and in that sense a great deal more independent than him.

But it’s also what he likes about her. He knows she’ll be fine with or without him. It gives him great peace of mind, and the fact that she’s here in his life – in his bedroom, even – out of her own volition is infinitely precious to him.

They are on a level together that he does not share with any of his other friends or crew members. And so when she tells him to get undressed he does not hesitate for a second. He takes his time, for sure, but only to tease her and because she’d never want him any other way.

She allows him to take his clothes off but takes each item from him, draping everything over the back of a chair. He loves the way she licks her lips when he’s fully naked, and it gives him confidence and the trust in following through on the fantasy that first ignited his interest in her.

He holds out his wrists. “Okay, go for it.”

She shakes her head. “Um, no. Not yet. Before we do anything else I need you to agree to a few important rules.”

“A safeword?” He’s done his homework.

“For one, yes. If one of those rules isn’t agreeable to you, we stop it right here and just have totally vanilla sex. I’m fine with that. You’re awesome, and I wouldn’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.”

“Of course,” he nods. “Shoot.”

“Number one. The safeword. Obviously you’ve thought about it. Something simple and easy to remember, that you won’t accidentally let slip.”

“Burgundy.”

He can tell by her smile that she approves of his choice. “Perfect. Burgundy it is.”

She holds up two fingers. “Number two: either one of us can stop this at any time for any reason, no questions asked. One of us says ‘burgundy’ and we’re done, at least for the moment.”

He nods, a little surprised. He’d never thought about her being uncomfortable with a little bondage, but it makes sense to him. She might know when he’s gone too far and doesn’t even notice.

“I understand.”

“Third: absolutely, positively, no blood. No scratches, no bites, no cuts. If you so much as pop a hair follicle, it’s done.”

“Of course,” he agrees, again realizing that he hadn’t thought of that.

“Finally, you wear a condom. I know you do anyway, but as you know I’m not exclusive. All of my peeps wear one, and that’s how we stay safe.”

“Got it. Right now?”

“No, not yet. Leave that to me. All right, up on the bed.”

He pulls the cover off and scoots up onto the blanket, watching her open her bag and remove the cuffs, some long black webbing and a black velvet bag. He points at it. “What’s that?”

“The rocket that will send you into orbit.”

Declan has some idea what that might be, but he doesn’t push any further.

Kaya climbs up on the bed and attaches a long strap of webbing low between the two headboard posts, slipping two metal rings onto it. He tries to make sense of it.

She notices his puzzlement.

“Since this is your first time with me I’m going to clip both of your wrists to the same strap. That way you can unclip yourself easily if something happens. You simply scoot up towards the headboard, and there you go.”

“Genius,” he mutters. “I would’ve never thought of that.”

“Once you have a little more experience there are far more restrictive ways. But I need you to trust me, and trust comes with practice.”

He nods. “Makes sense.”

“Towels?”

“Bathroom closet.”

She hops off the bed and walks to the en suite, then returns with two large bath sheets, a bowl of water and a washcloth. “It could get a little messy,” she explains, and he helps her drape the towels over the bed. “Okay – wrists.”

He holds out his hands and she carefully wraps the cuffs around his wrists. “You don’t want them too loose,” she says, adjusting them carefully. “They can chafe, despite the padding.”

“This feels fine, then.”

“Okay.”

“So, are you going to, you know, put on your special gear?”

“You mean like a dominatrix?”

“I guess. Yes.”

She smiles and takes his face in her hands, kissing him gently, and he’s not sure how to respond so he just holds still for her. “I’m not here to put you down in any way. I get no kicks out of domination or humiliation, not even if my partner wants it. That’s not my style. I’m here to give you an orgasm that will shatter you, in the best way possible.”

And he has to admit that he’s never thought of that, either. He wouldn’t really believe the cliché, anyway, it would all be just make-believe, and as exciting a prospect as that is, he likes her version a whole lot better.

He watches her as she takes off her clothes – not exactly doing a strip tease but certainly taking her time while maintaining an air of casual business about her. And when she’s all the way naked she reaches for his shirt and slips it on.

“A little big,” she says. “Help me roll up the sleeves.”

It’s a strangely tender gesture, he decides, to adjust his own shirt to fit her, but he likes the way it looks on her.

“All right, lie back, arms above your head.”

He feels his heart hammering in his chest as he complies, and he notices her taking two carabiners out of her bag. She crawls up to the headboard and he hears the little metallic clicks as she locks his wrists to the metal rings.

“Now scoot up and take them off,” she says.

He does, and indeed, he can easily unclip the links himself. She smiles. “Okay, put them back on and scoot back down.”  
He does as he’s told, as she watches.

“Spread your legs for me a little,” she says and moves up to straddle his hips, positioning herself so his half-hard cock nestles between her buttocks. Then she leans forward and kisses him gently. He responds in kind, and after a few minutes she moves on to kiss his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose and forehead.

“You’re so beautiful, Declan,” she breathes.

It makes him smile, and once again he wonders why it took them so long to find each other. Besides the fact that their worlds have practically nothing in common, he would imagine that at some point they would have met anyway. Right place, right time sort of thing.

She runs her hands up his arms, then bends down to press her left breast against his lips. He suckles on her nipple, feels it get hard between his lips and against his tongue. She moans softly and moves, giving him her right breast. She’s rather small, a size A at most, perhaps a size B on certain days of the month, he guesses, but despite her age her breasts are firm and perky. He thinks that this might actually be an asset – less tissue to wear out.

Funny, how he’s never thought about it, but in that very moment he suddenly appreciates small breasts.

“Love your ta-tas,” he grins as she moves back down. “Thanks. I’m rather fond of them as well,” she says. “Size isn’t everything, you know.”

He nods and watches her run her hands over his chest, rubbing his nipples and pinching them slightly, making him wince a little.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Just a little overly sensitive, I guess.”

“Perfectly normal,” she says. He cranes his neck as she massages his ribcage and abdomen, finally kneeling up and climbing between his knees, slipping her hands beneath his ass and kneading his buttocks. He bends his knees and pushes himself up a little to give her better access. She grins at his movement and brings her hands around to his thighs, then up to his knees, and, moving further down on the bed, stroking his shins and feet.

She pulls up her bag and takes out the Marabou strips, fastening one around her neck, holding the other one by one end and trailing it gently over his leg back up to his belly. He squirms a little at that, he’s rather ticklish there. She notices, of course, and alternates a deep thumb massage with gentle touches of the feathery material. He closes his eyes, concentrating on her gentle ministrations.

When she draws the Marabou over his cock he sucks in a sharp breath, then feels her fingers wrap around the shaft, then her tongue at the tip. His heart feels like leaping out of his chest, as she alternates the Marabou with her tongue and fingers, never quite taking him deep but driving him even more insane this way.

“Keep your eyes closed,” she whispers and pushes his knees apart a little further, and then her mouth is on him and he grunts as he feels her manipulate his cock and balls in tandem.

Then he feels a steady pressure on his perineum and his hips tilt up of their own accord. He hears her laugh. “Down, boy,” she says. “We’re not done yet, not by a long shot.”

It makes him smile and he tries to hold still for her.

Then something slippery and wet is behind his scrotum, being drawn back towards his puckered hole.

He bites his lip.

“You okay with that,” Kaya asks quietly, and he nods quickly. He feels her grab his cock firmly, pushing against his hole with a finger. “Relax, baby,” she says, and as he blows out a breath her finger slips into his body.

He nearly comes at the sensation, but her strong grip keeps him in line.

Declan has experimented with things up his ass and found it to be mostly pleasurable, but he’s never had anyone else inside of him, besides a routine prostate exam, and the mere thought is quite intoxicating.

“You’re doing great,” Kaya says. “I got lots of lube. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know,” he breathes. “It feels good.”

“Want some more?”

He nods. “Okay.”

She pulls out her finger, and he realizes she’s wearing a condom. After a few seconds she pushes back into him, with two fingers, and it hurts a little, but she’s slow and patient, and he quickly adjusts. He hears the squirt of the lube bottle, then feels her fingers gliding in and out of his body, twisting slowly, and suddenly there’s her wet mouth on his cock.

He gasps for air, feels his thighs tremble, feels her pushing against his knees to keep him from squeezing her. He takes deep breaths, matching them to her slow movements.

“Wow, Declan, you’re so awesome,” she praises him. “Look at me.”

And he opens her eyes to look at her smiling face, watches her hands move inside and around his body, and he makes a conscious effort to relax his arms, concentrating on her touch instead.

She pulls out her fingers and removes the condom, opens a fresh pack and rolls it over his cock, expertly pinching the reservoir tip all in one move. Then she rummages in her bag, pulls out another condom and opens the pack, then holds up a slim black vibrator.

Declan starts at the view, knows what’s about to happen and takes a deep breath.

“You want it?” Kaya asks softly.

“Yes,” he blurts out. “Yes, I want it.”

He watches her roll the condom onto it, then coat it liberally with lube, and he’s grateful for the towels, as his entire groin area is now slippery and wet.

“Exhale for me,” Kaya says, and he closes his eyes again, blowing out a slow breath. There is pressure against his hole and the vibrator slips easily into his body, which takes him by surprise. As she pushes it in deeper he feels more pressure, although not exactly pain, just an unyielding fullness. He moves his hips, trying to escape the intrusion but her hand on his cock keeps him in place, and so he concentrates on his breath again.

“Ready for more?”

He grunts and nods, and as she turns the vibrator on he nearly bucks her off. It’s the weirdest sensation, his entire groin is buzzing, and he cries out in surprise.

“Shhh,” she soothes. “Hold still for a sec. Open your eyes.”

She wads up another towel and tucks it under his butt to hold the vibrator in, then climbs up to straddle his hips, guiding his cock into her body.

He nearly comes right then and there, but she slaps his chest, hard. “Stay with me, Declan,” she says.

He draws in a shuddering breath. “Okay,” he manages to say.

She cups her breasts with her hands as she slides down on him, moaning quietly, and he loves seeing that look of delight on her face. She wiggles her hips a little. “I can feel the vibrator inside of me, too,” she smiles. “Damn, this is good.”

He finds the cuffs quite useful by now; they give him something to strain against, while he wants to grasp her hips so desperately, but he understands the mechanics now. She begins to ride him, slowly at first, then leaning forward to find purchase on his shoulders as she bounces herself onto his cock time and again. His hips start to move in counter-rhythm to her downward thrusts.

“Yes,” she says, “Fuck, yes…”

And then all rational thought flees him as he tumbles over the edge, fighting against the restraints, pushing up into her, feeling the vibrator slipping from his body. She rides him hard, grunting with every push, coming only minutes later, as he feels her inner muscles squeeze him, relentlessly milking every last drop from him.

She collapses on top of him with a moan, holding his face in her hands as she kisses him deeply, mimicking his penetration of her own body.

He’s completely out of breath as she lets him come up for air, his mind nearly blank from the overload of sensations.

“Wow,” she says. “Just – wow.”

She climbs off him, finds the vibrator, turns it off and sets it aside on a towel.

“Turn your hips,” she says, patting him gently, and as he does she pulls off the condom, then cleans him up gently between his legs and rolls him back over to wash his spent cock. He watches her, oddly detached, as if it was someone else’s body; her full concentration on her task is fascinating and he loves the look on her face.

Setting the bowl aside she moves up again and kisses him for a long time, and he loses himself in her gentle touches, feeling safe and well cared-for.

Finally she reaches up and unclips his wrists, slowly pulling his arms down. It’s then that he realizes how hard he’s pulled on the restraints; his arms are stiff and quite sore.

She reaches for a sheet and pulls it over him, taking the towel and bowl off the bed. She kisses him quickly. “Rest a while,” she whispers, then disappears into the bathroom for a short time. When she returns she checks her watch.

“Lasagna is done,” she says. “I’ll just take it out of the oven real quick. Be right back.”

He rolls over to his side and sits up, moves up against the headboard and massages his wrists and arms. He had no idea it could be this way. He’s always imagined a lot more violence and raunchiness, not this loving surrender.

Kaya returns, still wearing nothing but his shirt.

“I’m afraid I gave Morse and Bax an eyeful,” she giggles and climbs up onto the bed with him.

“I’m sure they appreciated it.”

She nods. “I think they did. Or at least they didn’t seem to mind. I’m gonna take a quick shower. You take your time.”

“Did I do okay?”

She pulls him up close. “More than I could have ever wished for,” she smiles against his lips.

***

She’s surprised at how well the lasagna has turned out. While she and Declan were having fun Morse and Bax have made a salad, and they all have a nice sit-down dinner, with Dog slurping his portion next to them.

It’s kind of weird, she thinks to herself, that here she is with a bunch of criminals, eating dinner like some average family, as if she hasn’t just had kinky bondage sex with one of them while the other two have quite likely heard most of it. And yet, somehow it doesn’t bother her at all. In for a penny, in for a pound, right? To the uninformed observer – and that’s what she is, officially at least – they look just like a group of adults sharing a meal, possibly followed by watching a game or playing cards.

Morse’s phone pings a message, and after checking it he nods at Declan.

“Kevin’s plane just landed.”

“Already? You gotta go.”

“Nah. He says to take my time, it’s a Jumbo and customs will take forever. He’ll text again later.”

She wants to ask who Kevin is, but Declan is reading her thoughts.

“Business associate, coming back from a scuba trip to Tahiti.”

“Ah,” she says. “I hope he took lots of pictures.”

“Knowing Kevin, about a million, and we’ll never see the end of them,” Bax growls.

Morse rolls his eyes. “Is he coming here or straight out to the yard?”

Declan frowns. “He’ll be jet-lagged like hell, so he’s definitely coming here, because if you take him home you know what he’ll do.”

“Got it.” Morse has finished his dinner and takes his dishes into the kitchen, stashing them in the dish washer. “Well, at least he’ll have a great meal ready,” he says.

Bax follows him and she touches Declan’s hand.

“I should go,” she whispers. “I don’t want you guys having to tip-toe around me.”

Declan looks at her sadly, then nods. “If you’d rather, I understand.”

“Declan, I want to spend the night with you, but you have things to do, no doubt, and it would be awkward with me around. It’s ok. I have an early work call tomorrow anyway. Just call me later, and maybe we can spend some time tomorrow or the day after.”

He smiles, and she can tell he’s torn, perhaps even a little hurt.

She gets up and sits in his lap.

“I had a wonderful time, really, and I can’t wait to do it again,” she says and kisses him.

“Okay.”

“Let’s clean up.”

She helps put the dishes away, covers the lasagna and puts the rest of the salad into the fridge. Declan converses briefly with Morse who leaves to pull up her car.

She goes upstairs with Declan and they straighten the bed and gather their toys, and suddenly he pulls her into a fierce hug. They don’t talk, but she knows exactly what he’s saying: I wish things could be different. I wish Kevin’s plane was delayed, like they usually are. I wish you knew. I wish you would stay.

Running her fingers through his curls she can’t help but cry a little.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” she breathes. “It’s the right thing for me to do. I’ll see you soon.”

He looks devastated, and her heart breaks for him. This was his first time, and she knows all too well the need for some serious cuddle time afterwards. She was looking forward to it as well, but it wouldn’t happen now anyway.

“Hang in there,” she says and picks up her bag and Declan gets the other one.

They don’t talk as they go downstairs and to her car. Morse has left the keys in the ignition.

Declan smiles a little and as she pulls away she catches his reflection in the rearview mirror, and suddenly it hits her how lonely he really is.

She cries on her way home.

Isabel, Justin and Yamato are all tangled up on the sofa, watching the movie “Shooter”.

“Hey girl,” Yamato beams and gingerly extracts himself from the melée. He hugs her tightly, then looks at her. “You have been crying,” he shakes his head. “What’s wrong? Who hurt you?”

“She’s hanging with a scrap metal dealer these days,” Isabel says and gets up. “What happened, Kaya?”

“Nothing,” she sniffles. “He wanted me to stay the night, and I wanted to as well, but then this guy came back from scuba diving in Tahiti, and they have to do some work.”

“Ah, I see,” Yamato smiles. “You’re okay, then.”

“Yes, I am okay. It’s good to see you again.”

And suddenly she’s glad to have three of her closest friends and partners with her, and they finish watching the movie together. Later on they all curl up together in Isabel’s large bed, and as much as Kaya misses Declan she feels happy and content.

What hurts her most is knowing that Declan will be lonely tonight.

***

“So, we’re in bed with Heisenberg now?”

Kevin is none too pleased.

“Not Heisenberg. Heisenberg retired. Todd was his apprentice. He made the runs with the Blue Sky.”

“And he’s still better than me.”

Declan squirms a bit. “He got 74% on the first try in our lab.”

“And I had to skip out on my Nitrox class for that?”

“He’s not a cook, Kevin. He’s well-trained, but he’s a one-trick pony. He has no clue what he’s doing. It was sheer luck, in my opinion, that nothing bad happened this time. He won’t know what to do if something’s off in the mix, how to compensate.”

“He’s not a chemist.”

“Exactly. I need you back here more than ever, Kevin. We’ll let him cook, learn his method. You’ll figure it out. Heisenberg got over 99%, so there’s improvement possible. A lot, actually.”

“All right, I can see that. Hopefully we can get rid of him after a while.”

“That’s the idea,” Declan nods. “Meanwhile, he’s eager to keep cooking. Polite, bordering on creepy. He’ll lick your boots if you tell him to. But I want his method, more than I want him.”

Kevin yawns. “Fair enough. I’ll sleep over it, and we’ll cook a batch tomorrow. See how it goes.”

“Guest room, upstairs.”

Kevin slouches off and Morse helps him with his suitcases. Declan whistles for Dog, and Bax shoulders past him to check the backyard before he heads outside. After a brief look he gestures at Declan and heads back inside to watch TV.

Declan grabs a jacket – it’s getting cold at night now. He throws Dog’s tennis ball for a while, sitting on the back stoop.

Kevin hasn’t been with his crew for all that long, but he trusts him a whole lot more than Todd. And he hit the nail on the head with the assumption to get rid of Todd as soon as they’ve improved his percentage. It’s the getting rid part that makes him uncomfortable, and it might not be as easy as Kevin seems to think. Todd is well connected to some rather unsavory people, and any hard feelings might lead to serious unpleasantries.

He watches Dog chase after his ball and wishes his life was simpler. And suddenly he thinks of Aidan. If this is what his life was like he can almost understand some of his fuck-ups. Aidan was never level-headed enough for delicate situations. Always a bit of a hothead, he’d invite trouble wherever he went.

Somehow he knows he’s still out there. Maybe it’s something in the air. Maybe there is a connection somewhere after all. Maybe it’s meeting Kaya and wanting to keep her away from his secret life. He’s never really had anyone he’s wanted to keep safe, since he started this whole business. Everyone he knew was either directly involved or a casual just-for-show acquaintance that he had no emotional investment in. But with her it’s different.

His ass is a little sore, but in a good kind of way. He feels so spent, and really, all he wants to do is curl up with her and forget about everything else.

It scares him.

There is no way he can keep his secret forever. And while he’s sure she wouldn’t turn her back on him he also doesn’t want her sucked into his world, no matter how accepting she might be.

It’s just not right, he knows that. She never asked for any of it. And being with her feels just too damn good to give up easily.

Dog carries his ball into the house and he gets up with a sigh and follows him.

***

He calls her two days later, and she’s so relieved she can barely talk.

“Hey Kaya, got plans for tonight?”

“I was thinking about a couple of Midols, a hot water bottle and bed.”

“Are you sick?”

“No, I’m on my moon.”

“I got Midol at the house.”

“Are you serious? Did Sameer rat me out?”

There’s a brief silence, and she’s afraid she was right.

“No,” he finally says, chuckling. “Bax swears by that stuff when he gets a headache.”

She hears Bax protest in the background.

“What?”

“Yeah, you didn’t know that? Big male secret! Well, not anymore now, I guess…”

“Guys take it for headaches?”

“He’s not the only one. I’ve known since college.”

It makes her laugh – thinking of all the nerdy engineering students, passing a bottle of Midol around in the Men’s room.

“I’m really not up for much, Declan.”

“Perfect. Neither am I.” She hears him sigh. “I’d just… like to see you. If you’re game, that is.”

And how could she resist that subtle plea? She nods.

“All right.”

“Morse is waiting outside.”

She rolls her eyes as she pulls the curtain aside and spots the black SUV in front of the house.

“Declan…”

“Just a hunch. He’s prepared to come back without you. No pressure.”

“Give me a few minutes and tell him I’ll be right out.”

She hangs up and closes her eyes. She should have said no. But she’s missed him, and maybe he just needs to talk, or maybe something happened, and suddenly she’s afraid it might be bad news. The thought spurs her to action and she quickly packs her bag and leaves a note for her friends.

“Hey,” she says, as she opens the car door.

“Evenin’,” Morse replies and cranks up the heat on the dash.

“Is Declan okay?”

Morse shoots her a quick look. “Yeah. Why?”

She shrugs. “No reason. Just didn’t expect to hear from him so late, is all.”

“We just got back from the yard. Lots of work out there yesterday and today.”

She nods and leaves it at that. Morse isn’t one for small talk, and she doesn’t feel pressured to entertain him on the drive, so she just huddles in her seat and looks out the window.

Declan and Bax are waiting out front. Bax opens her door and grabs her bag and Declan holds out his hand.

“Hey, you,” he smiles and pulls her close for a quick kiss; they go inside while Morse parks the car.

There’s a steaming mug of tea and a pack of Midol on the breakfast table. Declan gestures at it and she sits down as he settles in next to her.

“What is that?”

“Black cohosh, yarrow and chamomile. It helps ease cramps.”

“It smells good.”

“You want some honey with it?”

“Maybe just a drop.”

He takes a small bear-shaped squeeze bottle of honey from a cabinet and hands it to her, then sits down again.

She sips her tea. “It’s really good.”

He smiles. “I thought you might enjoy it. I’m a big believer in herbal medicines. Back to basics, you know?”

“And this,” she holds up the pills.

Declan chuckles. “No household with males should be without it.”

She looks at him over the rim of her mug as he watches her, and suddenly she realizes that she loves him. She’s completely, utterly, hopelessly smitten, and she can’t help but cry.

He takes the mug from her and sets it down, then touches her cheeks to wipe her tears away.

She holds still, feels his calloused fingers on her skin, and she can’t stop the tears; she feels as if her heart might burst.

“I love you so much,” she whispers.

He leans over and kisses her gently, then smiles. “Love you, too.”

He hands her the mug and she drinks, looking at his face, loving his brown eyes, his curly hair, his short beard, his soft lips, and it comes as such a surprise to her that she cares for him so deeply.

He takes the empty mug from her and puts it in the sink, then holds out his hand and leads her upstairs without another word.

Dog is already in his bed but gets up and wags his tail furiously as he sees her, but Declan waves his hand and Dog lies down again.

It’s then that she notices the jacuzzi tub bubbling gently. Declan kisses the back of her neck. “Hop on in,” he says. “It will help.”

She hands him her clothes, pins up her hair and climbs into the tub, sighing with relief as she sinks into the fragrant water. She watches Declan light a few candles around the room, then turn the light off. He disappears into the bathroom and she closes her eyes, listening to the shower and dozing off in the gentle warmth.

A tiny kiss on her cheek brings her back to the here and now.

“May I join you?”

She smiles and he slips into the tub, settling down next to her and pulling her into his arms.

“This is crazy,” she says after a while.

He cranes his neck to look at her. “What?”

“You. This. Everything. I don’t even know what to say.”

He shrugs. “Then don’t say anything. It’s a hot tub with two people in it. ‘Nuff said.”

She chuckles. “You know what I mean.”

“I do. It’s okay, Kaya. I’ve had a rough day. You’re making it better. I’m so glad you came over, even though you’re not feeling so good.”

“The water helps.” And indeed, she feels herself relaxing and getting a little drowsy. She touches his chest, runs her fingers through his hair, then lays her head on his shoulder. He kisses her hair and she must have fallen asleep at that point, just for a little while.

“Let’s go to bed,” Declan whispers and she jolts awake. “Hold on, I’ll get a towel.”

She watches him climb out of the tub and dry himself off, then put on a bathrobe. He holds out a towel for her and wraps her in it as she gets out as well. She leans against him, a little sleep-drunk, and he rubs her dry, then holds out a bathrobe for her.

“There’s tampons and stuff in the bathroom, if you need anything,” he says and kisses her. She winks at him. “There is, eh? Another big male secret? Some frat boy thing?”

Declan laughs. “No, no secret male uses. None that I would know, anyway. I got it all a few days ago, figuring sooner or later you might need them. I was actually never a frat brat. Too busy studying. I never had time for that stuff.”

“Me neither.”

She smiles at him and goes to brush her teeth. When she comes back into the room Declan has drained the tub and turned down the bed. She laughs as she spots the pink hot water bottle.

Declan smirks and goes into the bathroom while she settles in and gratefully puts the bottle on her stomach. When he returns he blows out the candles, takes off his robe and slips under the covers.

She turns and spoons up against him and he kisses her shoulder.

“I get these sometimes,” she says. “I’m on the pill, and that helps a lot, but sometimes I still get cramps.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Declan?”

“How come you’re not… turned off? Most men I know just take a break.”

“I’m not most men,” she hears him chuckle behind her.

“No, you’re definitely not.”

His hand comes around to hold the hot water bottle against her stomach and she relaxes into his gentle hold.

“Declan?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I meant what I said. Downstairs. It’s not a phase or something.”

“I know. I believe you. I feel the same way. You’re different. In a good way.”

She smiles and puts her hand on his, strokes his fingers.

His breath tickles the hairs on the back of her neck, and she realizes she’s completely relaxed, and soon she drifts off to sleep.

***

He’s flying.

There is water beneath him and he can see land in the distance. The closer he gets, the lower he sinks. Fog is rolling in and he can’t see where he’s going. He doesn’t know if it’s safe to touch down, and so he strains to stay aloft. He can sense the ground approaching but he still can’t see.

He’s terrified.

“Declan?”

He turns, searching the gray mist.

“Declan…”

He feels a hand on his chest and opens his eyes.

Kaya looks at him. “Shhh,” she says. “Just a weird dream, probably.”

He wipes his face. “Yeah.”

She rubs his chest gently with her palm and he sits up in the dim pre-dawn light. His morning boner is getting bothersome. “Be right back,” he mumbles and gets up to go to the bathroom. He sighs with relief, then flushes and quickly washes his hands before heading back to bed.

She lifts the covers and he scoots in, holding out his arm, inviting her to curl up against him. She puts her head on his shoulder and moves her leg over his, running her hand over his stomach.

For a while they just lie there, lost in their own thoughts, and he kisses her hair.

“Sleep okay?”

She nods. “I’m good.”

He takes her hand, stills her movements, weaving his fingers through hers.

“I’ve been thinking about Aidan,” he finally says.

“Who’s Aidan?”

“My brother.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother.”

He sighs. “I do. I haven’t heard from him in over 15 years.”

“Is he okay?”

“I don’t know.”

She turns, props her chin up on his chest.

“Why were you thinking about him?”

Good question, he muses. “I don’t really know. Regrets, I guess. It’s all leading back to him.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, Aidan was always the troublemaker. I was always the one to get him out.”

Kaya smiles. “Are you older or younger?”

Declan nods. “Younger. By about an hour.”

“You have a twin brother?” Kaya rolls off him and sits up.

“Fraternal twin. Aidan was first, I came after.”

She cocks her head, stroking his arm and he pulls her back down to lie on his chest.

“I guess I keep thinking that if Aidan hadn’t left, things would be so different. No secret life. No hiding. No bodyguards.”

“What happened?”

“Aidan’s lover died in a… an explosion at work. Aidan was out of his mind with grief, they’d been together on and off since high school. Marco – that’s his partner – fell in with the wrong crowd, made tons of money with his business, then accidentally blew himself up. Aidan left, and I inherited the whole mess.”

“And that’s how you ended up with whatever it is you’re doing off the record,” Kaya sighs. “I get it.”

“Well, I couldn’t exactly call the police. Marco is still on the missing persons list. And there was the business and I took over, kept it going.”

“What about your brother?”

“Oh, I’ve always bailed him out, ever since we were little kids. And I got no thanks for it again. We look an awful lot alike, people often thought we were identical, but we’re definitely not. Sometimes I’d say it was me who’d done something so he wouldn’t always be in trouble.”

“What happened to him?”

Declan strokes her hair, runs it through his fingers. “I don’t really know. He said he’d go to New Zealand, and I’d never see him again. I thought for a while he was dead.”

“But not now?”

“I’ve had dreams about him. Where I’m him. It’s just weird. But somehow I know he’s not dead.”

Kaya draws little circles on his sternum with her forefinger.

“I bet he’s very much unlike you.”

“Totally different person.”

“What brought on the memories, do you think?”

He heaves a deep sigh. “I think it’s you.”

“Me?”

“Mmhmm. Lately I’ve been wishing I could have just a normal Joe-Shmoe life. Because it’s never been an issue, until now.”  
She leans forward and kisses him gently.

“I don’t want another version of you. I’m fine the way things are, lock, stock and barrel. I told you already. I’d rather live with that than not have you in my life at all. It’s a small price to pay. You’re obviously happy with what you’re doing, and you’re good at it. I don’t want to change a thing.”

He looks at her, and he knows she’s serious. “I know, Kaya. I just think sometimes that –“

“Don’t think,” she interrupts him. “You don’t owe me a thing. Just maybe this.”

And she pulls the blanket over her head and crawls backwards and moments later her hot wet mouth is on his cock, and he groans as her tongue licks up his shaft, her lips closing around the head. He feels her hands pushing his thighs apart, feels her rolling his balls between her fingers, then she’s sucking him carefully, just this side of barely there but more than enough to drive him crazy.

He claws his fingers into the sheet, tries to breathe through his quickly mounting arousal, but to no avail. Within minutes he’s about to burst but her firm grip keeps him from coming.

“Kaya, oh, fuck, oh fuck…”

She presses her knuckles hard into his perineum and releases her grip, and he convulses helplessly, spilling himself into her mouth as she drinks him down.

He’s barely stopped shaking when she scoots up again and kisses him deeply, and he tastes himself in her mouth. He’s not a big fan of cum, but combined with her flavor it’s incredibly erotic, and he holds still for her as she explores his mouth, holding his head firmly. He wraps his arms around her and slowly strokes her back until she comes up for air.

She wipes her lips.

“You’re amazing, Declan,” she pants. “I don’t know anybody who comes like you do. Wow.”

And she kisses him again, taking her time. He closes his eyes, lets his hands roam her heated skin, and realizes that she’s had a point, earlier: what they have is another world altogether. It wouldn’t matter if their roles were reversed, or if she knew, or if Aidan had never left.

“You’re right,” he says after a while, as she moves on to kiss his neck. “I’m overthinking things again.”

She chuckles. “As I was saying… if Aidan has anything to say to you, he’ll come out and say it. Just leave it alone. He’s the one who left, so he’s also the one who needs to come back. Just wait. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. Either way, if he shows up, will you introduce him to me?”

“Um, sure.”

She grins and kisses the tip of his nose. “I’d fuck the both of you senseless. Oh wait, he’s gay.”

He starts. “He’s bi, actually. He was just with Marco for a long time, and either way, it’s none of my business.” The idea has never crossed his mind. “Seriously? You’d have sex with us?”

Kaya shrugs. “What’s not to love?”

He doesn’t have an answer for her. So, yeah, we were never that close? He ran off and left me with his fucking mess? And if Marco hadn’t blown himself up in his meth lab I’d be a vanilla metallurgist?

He shakes his head.

“It’s not that easy,” he says.

“Oh, I’m not talking about easy. I’m just talking about a crazy fantasy that will never happen. Totally selfish. I’m nuts about you, and having a look-alike around – I don’t know. The thought just really turns me on.”

“I got that. It’s just that Aidan and I never got along that well. We’re such opposites.”

She sighs and cuddles up to him.

“I’m not close to my brothers, either. We hardly ever even talk. I sometimes get a holiday mass mailing, but that’s it. I’m the insane older sister who sleeps around. Obviously they don’t approve of my lifestyle.”

He pulls her up close. “Doesn’t bother me.”

“See? Birds of a feather.”

And suddenly he understands. They don’t judge each other. They don’t feel they have to give up their world for each other. They can be two people who care for each other deeply without trying to change the other.

And that’s a liberating thought for him; maybe it’s something he’s learned from her.

It’s safe to accept someone who is different. There will be things you have in common. Enjoy them, and appreciate the rest for what it is, even if, as in her case, you don’t even know what _it_ is.

The sudden monumental discovery makes him think his heart might stop.

She lifts her head and looks at him quizzically.

“Declan?”

And instead of a reply he rolls over on top of her and buries his face against the side of her neck. He feels her hands stroke his shoulders, gently, as if he might shatter under her touch. And truthfully, it might just happen. He is completely open to her, trusting, giving. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, to feel so fragile, and to be okay with it.

He hasn’t cried in a long time, but he can’t help it now.

She doesn’t say anything. She just holds him, caressing him with feather-light touches, giving him time.

And time is the most precious thing they have together.

***

Something has changed between them; she knows it as soon as she feels the wetness on her skin. And she wishes there was a way she could take the burden from him. She’s sure he’s done a lot of bad things in his life, and he’s made choices that brought him to where he is now. Wrong choices, bad choices. He could have gone to the police, rat his brother’s lover out, walk away from it all.

But she also knows that money troubles make people do all sorts of crazy things, and ultimately, he was happy with his life – until she told him to buy a burgundy shirt at the mall.

So in a way, it’s her fault, too. Not that he’s where he is, but that his value system is no longer the same. It’s not fair. She has never considered giving up her other lovers, and while she spends considerably less time with them, they understand completely; there’s no jealousy, they’ve all branched out on occasion. Granted, what she has is not against the law, even if it’s frowned upon or shunned by polite society. But no money ever changes hands, and everything they do is consensual.

It’s not a business. It’s her private life.

Declan doesn’t have that luxury, and she’s not sure whether or not she should feel sorry for him, or whether she should just let it be. There’s nothing she can do, really, except be with him in this weird in-between world.

She runs her fingers through his curly hair, feels his beard scratch her skin, and she’s never loved anyone as much as she loves him, as unconditionally as that. His tears fill her with something akin to pride – the fact that he would entrust her with his vulnerability, the fact that he is sharing it with her, after all the weeks of being a solid rock and quite unflappable.

“It’s like that ball bearing. The one from the shuttle,” she whispers. “So innocuous, and surprisingly heavy. And even though it’s nothing special, material-wise, it’s precious and rare in function.”

She feels him nod, feels his lips beneath her ear.

He slowly stills in her arms, his breath deepens and evens out, and she knows he’s asleep.

She turns her head and looks out the window, the dark blue changing to gray, then white.

A piercingly bright ray of light blinds her, and she closes her eyes against the pain.

Declan is snoring softly, tucked so closely against her skin that she turns slightly to give him more room to breathe. The snoring stops for a moment, then turns into slow, easy breaths.

“It’s okay, Declan,” she whispers. “You’re safe with me. You’re always safe with me.”

***

They don’t talk much in the morning. He showers while she packs her bag, then goes downstairs while she gets dressed. There is a feeling of routine, of safety and comfort, and no explanations are necessary. He makes waffles for her for breakfast, and she proclaims that he just bought her soul in between mouthfuls of the steaming golden hearts.

Kaya helps him make extra waffles for Morse and Bax, and then she makes more coffee to take to the back porch where they’ve been hanging out with Dog, talking about last night’s game.

He feels a small measure of panic, as he watches her get into the SUV, and as Morse drives her home he wishes she could spend the day with him. But she has to go to work, and he has to go to the compound because Kevin and Todd are cooking again today, and he wants to make sure everything is going okay.

He’s grateful that Morse isn’t much of a talker – truthfully, neither is he, but a lesser man than his driver would have egged him on to tell him about the night. But Morse always seems to know when to keep his mouth shut, and so they make the trip out to the yard in silence.

Todd and Kevin are already waiting in the underground lab fully geared up when he arrives. He climbs down the ladder and listens to Kevin’s status report. Todd fiddles nervously with his respirator, his gloves, his apron, and finally Declan tells him to get back upstairs and smoke a cigarette.

Todd almost salutes him, tears off his gear and practically flies up the ladder. Declan rolls his eyes at his cook.

“Make sure that kids tars his lungs before he cooks. I know withdrawal when I see it.”

Kevin grunts something unintelligible and Declan grins. The older man is a former chain smoker but he’s been clean for over ten years, so he has little patience with addicts – the typical self-righteous zeal of the converted.

“When is Heisenberg’s gear getting here,” Kevin wants to know.

Declan shrugs. “Coupla weeks, maybe. There’s a lot of stuff. It needs to be taken apart and transported safely. And there’s no rush. Or did something break down?”

“Nah. Just want some shiny new toys, I guess.”

Todd’s legs appear in the manhole and he quickly climbs down the ladder.

“I’m ready, Sir,” he says. “Thanks for your patience.”

Declan waves him off and moves past him. “You guys play nice now. I want step-by-step notes of this cook.”

Todd nods enthusiastically. “Will do,” he says, holding up a spiral-bound notebook.

Declan climbs out of the lab and closes the manhole cover. Morse and Bax follow him into the house where his business manager and legal advisor Steve is already waiting. They have a lot of work ahead of them, mostly concerning the actual junk yards and recycling centers.

“We’ve acquired a minority stake in Kaya’s production company,” Steve hands him a folder. “And as per your request new science lab equipment is being donated to Hopi High School on the reservation. Look at that tax write-off! Total score. We should’ve tried that earlier. It’s a money pit, and all of it comes back in benefits. We’re lining up studio equipment for Hopi Radio as well.”

Declan smiles. “Perfect. What’s our story?”

“Close to the truth, for once. Business owner visited reservation, talked to Hopi woman, saw the light, wants to support the Hopi way.”

Declan smiles. “That works for me. What about the silver jewelry business?”

Steve frowns. “It’s complicated. You’re basically investing in a First Nation, so Uncle Sam can’t grab any of it. I never thought they’d make it so difficult.”

“What about on humanitarian grounds?”

“You mean a flat-out donation?”

“Well, yeah, sort of. An agreement that we’ll buy and distribute their product.”

“They could sell it to anyone.”

“We’ll pay top dollar. It can be marketed to specialty jewelers. People love to know they’re doing a good thing! I mean, landfill computer boards, silver extracted by disabled workers right here in Phoenix, worked into jewelry on a reservation, it’s gonna sell like hotcakes. We just take an advertising overhead and the profits go back to the reservation.”

“Complicated.”

“But not impossible.”

Steve sighs. “I’m sure there’s a way. Just give me time to figure it out. ‘Cause I think you’re right, with the crowd appeal. Like fair trade coffee. That’s a treasure trove right there.”

They are hunched over numbers and statistics when a commotion breaks out outside, Dog is barking his head off and Declan sees thick black smoke coming from the manhole cover.

“A fire,” he shouts and grabs a fire extinguisher from the kitchen.

There is of course an excellent fire suppression system in the lab, but it’s an instinctual reaction, and he and Steve run to the lab. Todd and Kevin are outside, retching and coughing heavily as Declan slams the hatch shut.

“Dowsers are on,” Kevin grinds out. “Dammit.”

“Anybody hurt?”

Kevin shakes his head.

“What happened?”

“It was my fault,” Todd raises his hand, before throwing up into the dust at his feet. Declan points at Bax. “Go grab the oxygen tanks.”

Bax takes off at a run and comes back within minutes, carrying two small green cylinders. Declan takes one, attaches the mask, turns it on and hands the mask to Todd while Bax helps Kevin with his tank.

“Dowsers are done,” Morse announces and opens the manhole cover.

“All right,” Declan says. “Stay with them. I’m gonna go turn the fans on.”

Steve hands him a flashlight and he takes a few deep breaths before climbing down the ladder. Acrid smoke makes his eyes water, but luckily one of the fan switches is close to the ladder, and he turns the crank. Fresh air rushes in from the hole in the ceiling and he gulps it greedily as he drags himself up the ladder and out into the bright sun.

“I misread my notes,” Todd says. “The mix got too hot and when I opened the lid it boiled over and caused a short, and then it caught fire.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t blow us all to kingdom come,” Declan growls.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Damn straight it won’t happen again,” Kevin yells. “You almost fucking killed us!”

Declan grabs his arm. “All right, all right, we’ll figure this out. Morse, go with Todd, make sure he lies down and keep the oxygen on him. We’ll get you a fresh tank in a minute.” He nods at Bax who leads Kevin into the house. Steve trots off to the garage next to the house where their oxygen cylinders are stored.

Declan watches the smoke coming from the lab thin out and finally disappear. Then he climbs down into the space.

“Fuck,” he swears. The fire has scorched a good part of the equipment, some of the wiring has been destroyed, and several tanks will need to be replaced. He has back-ups, of course, but it will take time, and they can’t cook until everything is fixed.

He leaves the fan on, grateful that it’s still working, and that he had insisted on a system of independent exhaust fans, for exactly such an eventuality.

Kevin is livid and refuses to work with Todd again, and Declan has no choice but to promise to fire him.

Todd is utterly destroyed, of course; he begs Declan to give him another chance and promises to pay for the damage.

Declan sits down across from him.

“It’s not the damage, Todd. It’s the fact that you have no fucking clue what you’re doing. This was a stupid, stupid mistake that not even a rookie would make, if he had any idea what he was doing. You obviously don’t.”

“But my percentage is still higher.”

“Yay, hurray, and that’s supposed to make up for two dead bodies I might have had?”

“No.”

“Go home, Todd. It’s just not working out. I can’t take that risk. Go learn something about cooking meth, get to understand what it is you’re doing. Then we can talk. But until then, you’re a liability and a danger.”

Todd looks utterly contrite but nods in agreement.

“Talk to Heisenberg. Or that Pinkman kid. Learn the chemistry.”

Declan gets up.

“Of course you know what to do now, right?”

Todd nods. “Not a word, or I’m dead.”

“That’s right.”

Declan leaves him while Morse helps him pack up his things.

Outside he can still smell the stench from the fire.

He’s angry.

Angry with Todd for doing something so monumentally dumb, angry with Lydia for pushing Todd on him, angry at himself for giving in so easily.

It’s not even about the money. He’s got plenty of assets to make up for the loss in production. It’s that he can’t supply his distributors, and the well-oiled machine of his business is coming to a grinding halt.

He walks back to the house and starts calling his clean-up crew and mechanics; the lab needs to be up and running again as quickly as possible, even if it means a few legitimate ventures have to shut down for a few days. A serious case of food poisoning fits the bill, he thinks; they were all at a business meeting and ate the same bad stuff. It has the advantage that it’s totally plausible, and nobody ever comes checking on it.

He sighs and whistles for Dog who comes running. “Go inside, buddy,” he points at the house, “there will be a bunch of cars and trucks in a minute, and I don’t want you chasing them and being a pest.”

Dog licks his hand. Declan rolls his eyes and rubs his head. “What would you do with a car if you actually ever caught one?”

Dog barks once and trots off into the house. Declan shakes his head and follows him inside where he goes back to looking over the business plans.

Morse pops in a short while later.

“Want me to take Todd home?”

“The sooner the better,” Declan nods.

“I won’t make it back til midnight or so.”

“Go spend the night after you drop him off. We have a lot of work to do here anyway.” He pulls out his wallet and hands him a credit card. “Be sure to eat.”

“All right. Call if you need anything.”

Declan points at the door and Morse exits, grinning widely. Declan watches as he and Todd get in the SUV and peel out, leaving a big cloud of dust in their wake. A short while later a convoy of trucks and cars arrive and he goes out to greet his crews.

He gives them a quick run-down of events and they get to work immediately. Steve makes a run into town for a few cases of beer and a dozen pizzas. The crews rotate through the lab; it’s nasty work and Declan isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He’s never been averse to menial jobs; to him there is something keenly satisfying about making things work again. His crews are great people. Loyal to a fault, they all work hard and he pays them well. And all of them love their cover jobs, and to him that’s important.

They take their breaks on the porch, and work continues through the night. By early morning the cleanup is halfway done and he goes upstairs for some shut-eye.

Dog sniffs him, whines and crawls under the bed.

“Oh, come on – it can’t possibly be that bad,” he grunts and takes his tyvek coveralls off, stashing them carefully in a hazmat bag. The shower feels great and he groans with relief. He barely makes it to the bed and passes out as soon as his head hits the pillow.

***

She doesn’t hear from him in almost a week, and it worries her. Not that there’s something between them, but in his line of work – or rather, lines – plural – something could have happened to him. Finally she can’t stand it anymore and calls him.

His voice mail picks up – a generic announcement asking for a message.

“Hi Declan, it’s Kaya. I was just wondering how you were. Haven’t heard from you in ages, and I miss you. Call me when you get a chance. Love ya. Bye.”

He finally calls back the next day and she’s so relieved she nearly breaks into tears.

“I’m so sorry, Kaya. I had to deal with a major emergency. Things are almost back to normal now, but I really haven’t slept in a week.”

“I missed you.”

“Missed you, too. Got time this evening?”

“Yeah, but I have an early work call tomorrow.”

“I’ll send Morse if you wanna spend the night. He can take you straight to work in the morning.”

“Okay, I’ll be over in a little bit.”

“I’m not at the house, Kaya.”

She nods. “All right, I’ll be ready. See you soon.”

The door opens, and it’s Isabel who is definitely coming down with something bad.

Kaya shakes her head and puts her phone away. “Sweetie, you look horrible. Go back to bed, I’ll bring you some tea.”

“Thanks,” Isabel croaks and slouches off. Kaya puts on the kettle and quickly packs her things while the water is heating up. She feels guilty about leaving her lover behind while she’s sick but there’s not really much she can do except stick around and catch the same bug.

“Here you go,” she hands the mug to Isabel. “I’m gonna be gone until tomorrow evening. Can you hang in there?”

“No prob,” Isabel sniffles. “I’m just gonna sleep. Something’s going round at the office, apparently I didn’t wanna be the only healthy one.”

“Well, success,” Kaya smiles and blows her a kiss. “Call me if you need anything, because I will come back for you, okay?”  
Isabel nods and waves.

Morse pulls up the same moment she steps out of the house.

“What happened?”

Morse shrugs. “Stuff. Declan will explain, if he wants to.”

Ah, she thinks, a fire or an explosion in the junk yard – the part she knows nothing about. Morse hands her the sleeping mask and she puts it on, trying to relax on the drive out there.

She can hear Dog barking up a storm as the car stops and minutes later she’s in Declan’s arms.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whispers and then follows him inside. There’s a weird smell in the house, she can’t quite put her finger on it.

“What is that,” she finally asks, pointing at the room, wrinkling her nose.

Declan blows out a breath. “There was a fire, out there,” he says. “It was a mess to clean up. Pretty nasty stuff.”

“Dangerous?”

“Oh yes. But it’s all good now. Sorry about the smell. You’ll get used to it. It’s not harmful. Just, well, smelly.”

She throws her arms around him and holds him for a long time. She can smell it in his hair, on his skin but she doesn’t mention it again.

“There’s pizza upstairs,” he says. “I can put some in the toaster oven.”

“Sounds great,” she smiles. “I’m kinda tired, so cooking is not on the menu for me.”

“Perfect. Come on.”

Dog bounds up the stairs and she follows him. Declan arranges a few slices of pizza in the toaster oven and sets the temperature to low. She wanders around, picks up the ball bearing, rolls it around in her hands, marveling once again at its heavy weight.

She looks up and notices Declan is watching her.

“You really like that thing, don’t you.”

She smiles. “Yeah. I think it’s awesome.”

“Would you like to have it?”

“Declan!”

“No, I’m serious.”

“But it’s so special to you!”

“You’re more than that,” he says quietly and wraps her hands around the metal sphere. “I trust you to keep it safe and appreciate it.”

“I will,” she whispers and reaches up to kiss him. He takes the bearing from her hands and puts it into her bag.

“Well, the pizza will be ready in half an hour. ‘Modern Marvels’ is on. Wanna watch?”

“I love that show! Yes! What’s the episode?”

“Copper.”

“Oh, awesome!”

She plops herself down on the sofa and he turns on the TV and squeezes in next to her, pulling her into his lap.

It’s a whole new viewing experience for her, because he keeps up a running commentary on the program, bits of trivia about copper, and she finds it endlessly amusing and endearing, seeing him so animated about a TV show. They eat the pizza while watching the second half and then Declan hands her a bottle.

“Malta Goya!” she exclaims. “How did you know?”

He grins, clinking his bottle against hers. “Just a hunch. And instead of dessert.”

She gulps down the malty liquid and burps contentedly.

“I haven’t had that stuff in years. Oh, now I remember – it was at that DEA fundraiser. We talked about grad school booze.”

He laughs. “You got me.”

They watch a bit of the news afterwards and Declan nods off during the weather report. She shakes him awake gently.

“Come on, let’s take a shower and go to bed.”

Declan yawns and gets up. “Yeah. I’ve just about had it for today.”

She unbuttons his shirt and helps him out of it and he pushes his pants down and takes his socks and briefs off. She quickly undresses and slips into the shower behind him after wrapping her hair in a towel. “Don’t want to have to dry all that tonight,” she explains.

They take turns washing each other’s backs and she loves his gentle hands gliding over her breasts and stomach. There is nothing sexual about his touch tonight – it’s a matter-of-fact cleaning, and she’s oddly moved by his ministrations. There’s no demand, no expectations, just a comfortable closeness.

It’s something new for her – in her experience being in a shower with other people invariably leads to sex. And she has to admit she truly enjoys the simple act of washing one another.

He turns off the shower and reaches for a towel to wrap her in, then grabs one for himself. They brush their teeth and then quickly get under the covers; the room has cooled down considerably in the cold desert night and she shivers a little.

He spoons up against her from behind and she feels his cock nestled between her buttocks, and it’s the last thing she knows before she drifts off to sleep.

***

He wakes a few minutes before the alarm and quickly disables it before it can go off and wake her. She’s dead to the world, drooling on the pillow, and something inside of him rejoices at the banality of the situation.

After the past week a slice of normalcy is quite a treasure, he thinks. He carefully peels himself out of the bed and tiptoes into the kitchen area to make two cups of coffee. When the Keurig is done brewing he grabs the mugs and moves back to the bed, holding one close to Kaya’s face.

She twitches and inhales deeply, then opens her eyes and smiles.

Declan watches her stretch luxuriously, then hands her the mug as she sits up.

“Heaven,” she murmurs, breathing in the delicious aroma. He chuckles and slips into the bed next to her, sipping his own morning brew.

“Sleep well?”

“Like a rock. Hmm. Do rocks sleep?”

“Of course. They sleep in a rock-like manner.”

She chuckles, then frowns. “You know what? That’s so – right! I’d never thought about that. Wow.”

“Wish we had a couple more hours.”

“Ack – me too. But work is work, and I gotta be there on time.”

“Morse is ready whenever you are.”

“Have you given my cloning suggestion any further consideration?”

“Yeah. No can do. Turns out he’s copyrighted. What do you know!”

She laughs. “Somehow I’m not surprised. I really think he’s kinda cute.”

Declan loves Morse like a brother – actually more so, because unlike Aidan Morse has never given him any trouble whatsoever. Cute – well, that’s debatable. Although, from a purely factual point of view, he supposes Morse is rather good-looking, in a tall, bald sort of way.

“Pretty good-looking, too, in a tall, bald sort of way,” she snickers, and he almost spills his coffee.

“What?”

“It’s nothing. I just thought the same thing. It’s kinda creepy.”

“Great minds, and all that jazz.”

“Must be. I’m gonna get ready. Finish your coffee.”

He gets up and takes his mug into the bathroom, sipping it while he gets washed up and dressed. Kaya sneaks in while he’s brushing his teeth, watching him from the door. He notices she’s wearing his leather jacket, and the thought of the cuffs comes unbidden.

She tilts her head to the side.

“Declan?”

He spits into the sink. “What does the rest of your week look like?”

“Let’s see… today’s shoot is going to go late. I have Saturday off. Then a two week gig in L.A., so I’m flying out on Sunday. Then back to mixed pickles.”

He nods. “I’ll free up the weekend, then. Maybe we can hang out. Do something fun together. Maybe go hiking?”

“I’d like that.”

He kisses her on the cheek on his way out the door and goes downstairs where Morse is watching a re-run of “Criminal Minds”.

“At this hour?”

Morse shrugs. “Beats Reality TV reruns.”

Declan scoffs. “Tru dat. Is this your weekend off this weekend?”

“Nope, next week. Why?”

“Kaya and I might want to go hiking.”

Morse shrugs. “I’m game. Where to?”

“We’ll see.”

“Cool. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

Declan raps his knuckles on his bald head. “Where’s Dog?”

“Outside, with Kevin.”

“Isn’t Kevin cooking?”

“He’s waiting on a thermometer for something or other. Al’s on the way with it.”

Declan steps out of the house and immediately Dog runs up to him and he scratches his head.

Kaya shows up minutes later with Morse carrying her bag.

“Good grief… are you stealing bricks or something?” he grouses.

Kaya grins. “Space Shuttle parts,” she says and touches Declan’s hand. “Call me,” she says and kisses him quickly.

“Will do. Be sure to pick a trail.”

“I got a list, remember?”

Declan waves as she gets into the car and puts on the sleeping mask. He winces at the sight and wishes for the umpteenth time that he could just tell her everything.

He holds on to Dog’s collar as the SUV pulls out, expecting another futile car chase, and Dog whimpers in frustration. Kevin walks up to him.

“Al should be here any minute,” he says. “Damn thermometer.”

“I thought we got you all the thermometers you needed?”

“I dropped one yesterday, it broke, and none of the others fit.”

Declan nods. “Listen, don’t kill yourself trying to make the previous amounts. I know it’ll take a while to get everything back up and running. And the regular stuff sold just fine last week, so you do what you can.”

“What I can do is around 68%.”

“Which is fine, Kevin. Besides, the less our product stands out, the harder it is to trace. Heisenberg dug a big hole for himself. He was lucky to crawl out in time before he became too famous being connected to the Blue. The Albuquerque DEA is like a terrier with a rat. They would have found him sooner or later.”

“Thanks for making me feel better about my mediocrity.”

“Anytime.” He claps his cook on the back. “I think that’s Al, up ahead.”

They watch the dust cloud approach and resolve itself into Al’s junker.

Declan takes Dog into the house and then returns to help unload a small batch of supplies and the ever-important thermometer.

“All right, I’m ready,” Kevin yells up the manhole after they’ve handed down the last of the packages.

“Soup’s on,” Declan grins. “Keep the intercom going.”

And on Kevin’s sloppy salute he closes the manhole cover and Al moves the old truck back over it.

Declan sighs and walks over to the smelt on the other side of the yard to process some banged-up racing bicycles for their titanium frames. And on a whim he decides to make some ingots for his anodizing experiments again. After all the mess he could use something that’s just simply pretty to distract himself. Maybe he’ll make some jewelry eventually.

Maybe even a gift for Kaya.

***

“Justin? You’re back?”

Kaya comes home late and is surprised to find her friend sitting on the sofa.

“Yeah,” Justin yawns, then gets up to kiss her quickly. “Just passing through, though. Isabel’s sick, so there goes that plan.”

“I’m home tonight.”

“No kinky junk yard sex?”

“Nope.”

“How about kinky sofa sex, then?”

Kaya laughs.

“Justin, we have done everything possible on that sofa.”

“Or we could do something for Isabel. Make her feel better.”

The sound of their friend throwing up in the bathroom makes them both groan.

“Or we could pamper sicko over yonder,” Justin says and follows the retching sounds. Kaya shakes her head and goes into the kitchen to find some pink stuff for her friend.

“Are you sure it’s not food poisoning?”

Isabel grunts in response. “It’s just a bug – if it were food poisoning we would have all gotten sick at the same time.”

Justin pulls on a pair of vinyl gloves and picks up a can of disinfectant. “Go on,” he says to Kaya. “You’ve had a long day. I’ll take care of this mess.”

“Sure beats kinky sofa sex,” Kaya retorts.

Isabel looks up. “What?”

“Never mind,” Kaya and Justin reply in unison, and Kaya leaves them to go to her own room to unpack and hit the sack as soon as possible.

She places the ball bearing on the pillow next to her, then turns off the light. She can clearly see it against the light color of the pillow cover, and she reaches out to touch the cool smooth surface.

There’s a knock on the door. Justin pokes his head in.

“Kaya?”

She grabs the ball bearing and chuckles. “All right, come on in, Moocher.”

“Thanks, hon.”

Justin scoots under the blanket. “Shmexy,” he says.

“What is?”

“You sleeping with a… a cannon ball.”

“It’s a ball bearing.”

“I see. From what?”

“A space ship.”

Justin nods and snuggles up close. “Okay. Sure. I’ve always wanted to have a threesome with you and a space ship part.”  
Kaya rams her elbow into his ribs and puts the ball bearing on her night stand.

Justin kisses the nape of her neck and she reaches back to touch his face, and it feels weird to her – she misses Declan’s scratchy beard and unruly curls.

His arm comes snaking around her middle, and even though she’s slept with Justin countless times his body seems oddly foreign to her now. She adores him, but he’s just not what she wants tonight.

And then she dreams of hiking in outer space, naked, with Declan and Dog.

***

Declan finds himself almost giddy at the prospect of spending the day with Kaya, and the image of himself being anything other than his usual collected calm makes him smile. He waits in the kitchen for Morse and Dog to return with her. Bax and Al have gone ahead to scout out the trail.

He sighs.

Wouldn’t it be nice to make a spur-of-the moment decision to just go hiking? No drivers, no bodyguards, no careful planning, just get up and go?

But he owes it to her to keep her safe, and that simply means being extra careful.

He hears the front gate being activated and grabs his hip pack, arms the security system and waves as the black SUV approaches. Dog greets him as if he’d been gone for years, barely allowing him close enough to Kaya to kiss her on the cheek.

“So, the Tortilla Trail,” he says as he’s finally able to get a word in edgewise. “Do tell.”

Kaya shrugs. “It’s just a nice hike. Killer in the summer, when I hiked it before, so I wanted to come back in the cool season, to enjoy it better.”

He laughs as she tells him about her attempt to coax her friend – “lover”, he translates – Justin to repeat the hike, and how he’d rather shovel coal for a week than go on another hike with her.

“He’s staying at our house right now. Isabel’s sick, so I’m glad he’s taking care of her.”

“She got the flu?”

“No, some kind of stomach bug. Been calling Ralph on the porcelain phone for two days.”

The phrase makes him chuckle.

They arrive at the parking lot near the trailhead after a bumpy ride on a fire road where Al is busy playing Tetris on his phone.

“Should be back any minute,” he says, barely looking up. “You got a young couple, three college-type guys and two middle-aged women out there.”

“Thanks,” Declan nods at him, then clips Dog’s leash onto his collar and Kaya takes him for a quick spin with the plastic bag. A short while later Bax comes jogging down the trail and Al hands him a bottle of water.

“Nice trail,” Bax says. “Older guy with a dog coming up soon, so you better go the other way round, give him some room.”

He takes the bag from Kaya and tosses it into the back of Al’s truck. “Have fun!”

“He’s not coming with us?” Kaya whispers.

“Nope, he’s cleared the trail, so let’s go.”

Kaya looks at him quizzically.

“The trail is safe, everyone has been accounted for, and Bax will call in if anyone new comes up the other way.”

“What will they do in the meantime?”

Declan shrugs. “Leave Bax here and head into town for some lunch. Maybe watch Netflix or something. Either way, we don’t have to rush.”

“Okay,” she says, clearly a little uncomfortable with the idea, but she’s not pushing the issue and he appreciates it.

They walk the trail in silence for the first few minutes, and then he feels her slim hand slip into his, and something about the simple gesture warms his heart and he squeezes her fingers gently.

At the top of the ridge they stop to take in the view, and Kaya points out a few landmarks in the area. “Superstition Wilderness,” she muses. “Weird name, huh?”

He agrees. Whoever came up with the uncomfortable moniker for this beautiful piece of land must have had a good reason for it. And he’s glad that whatever she suspects he’s doing, she never lets it cloud their relationship. For a moment there he can hardly believe his luck in having found her – someone completely outside his world who doesn’t even want to know his secret. Suspicion between them is a minor fact that has no consequences. She knows he’s into something illegal, probably has her own detailed story already, but there’s no value judgment on her part.

He’s never known anyone like her.

A tug on his arm brings him back to the present. She looks at him with an indulgent smile, slightly shaking her head.

“Down this way,” she nods at the trail. He feels a blush on his cheeks.

“Sorry,” he says. “Miles away.”

“Stream of consciousness kind of thing,” she remarks. “It’s nice when it happens. Like a mental stroll. It’s a good thing.”

Dog seems quite interested in a smelly spot to the side and Kaya pulls him back quickly, pointing out a small cholla cactus. Declan shudders at the thought of having to pull hooked spines out of his dog’s nose.

“That must be Tortilla Creek, up ahead,” he nods.

“It is. Come on.” She lets go of his hand as the trail narrows and descends at a fairly steep rate.

The creek is mostly dry as they reach it and they settle down for a break, impressed by the catclaw mimosa bushes that are springing up in the rough terrain. “Hard to believe they are an invasive species,” Kaya says. “They look like they belong here.”

“That whole desert appeal,” Declan sighs. “You kinda think, if they can eke out a living here they deserve a spot.”

Kaya elbows him. “You sympathize with those opportunists?”

Declan laughs. “Well, some of them, anyway. And besides, many of them were not transplanted by humans. It’s climate change, desertification, shifting winds or migration patterns. But yes, you’re right, mostly it’s our fault. In the Southeast you got Kudzu choking entire forests.”

“So I heard. Can’t blame the Kudzu for that.”

Dog gives a little whine as if he agreed and Kaya rubs his head.

“It’s boulder hopping for a while now,” she says, getting up and reaching for Declan’s hand, pulling him to his feet as well. He clips Dog’s leash to his belt so he can use both hands to help keep his balance.

“Easier with four feet,” he chuckles, watching Dog jump around over and between boulders, and suddenly he loses his footing; time seems to slow down as he goes down and hits a rock with his shoulder.

And just as suddenly, she reaches out, barely catching the back of his head before he’s about to smash into the hard ground.

“You okay?”

She sounds frightened, and he rolls over to push himself up, turning to look at her.

“I’m fine,” he says, a little breathlessly. “Wow, some reflexes!”

She’s obviously shaken by his fall and as she reaches for him he notices the blood on the back of her hands. “You’re the one who got hurt,” he blurts out. “Oh Kaya, I’m so sorry!”

She looks at her hands. “It’s just a scratch,” she says.

“Sit down, let me look at it.”

He gestures at a shady spot under a mimosa bush and pulls out the first aid kit from her pack. And she’s right; there are a few minor scratches, but he still insists on pouring water over her hands and cleaning them properly before covering them with a few small bandages.

He notices she’s trembling a little – pure adrenalin, he suspects. Settling down next to her he gives her some water, then tends to Dog who has already dug out his collapsible bowl from her pack.

“You spoiled him,” he grins, and she laughs.

“I dunno. The bottle drinking trick is pretty neat, too.”

“Mmhmm. He’s done that since he was a puppy.” He lies down in his shady spot and she joins him, gently stroking his chest. He touches the back of her hands.

“Does it hurt?”

She shakes her head, then moves her hand lower, undoing his fly button and pushing his zipper down.

“Kaya?”

“Hush,” she admonishes him. “My reward for not letting you knock a hole in your head.”

He grins and folds his arms behind his head as she curls around him, pushing the waistband of his briefs down and digging out his rapidly hardening cock.

Seconds later her warm wet mouth is on him and all logical thought flees him, except for the absurd combination of boulders, band aids and invasive species. She doesn’t make it easy for him, either, going slow, licking his shaft, swirling her tongue around the tip, and he feels himself falling apart into a puddle of pure bliss. He’s never had anyone give head like that – just a slow, gentle tease that simply feels good, a plateau of contented ecstasy that he could sustain literally for hours without coming.

He looks up at the clear blue sky through the dense thicket of the bush, and he can’t imagine a better place in the universe.

She stops, turns around and kisses him slowly, leisurely, while continuing to rub his cock with her hand. He lets her take complete control and just accepts what she wants to give. He’ll make it up to her later.

When she bends back down to take him deep he reaches for her shoulder, gently rubs her, then lets go as she finally speeds up and he feels himself leaving the plane of mild arousal and heading for the point where he can’t keep still, where his hips start moving, where he wants, needs more.

A quiet moan escapes him, and she redoubles her efforts, reaching further to gently squeeze his balls, a sensation so exquisitely right between pleasure and pain his brain feels like melting, and he doesn’t know if he wants her to stop or give him more.

And then quite suddenly, he’s there, and he feels it coming on like the proverbial freight train, the moment when he knows that there’s no going back now, where he’s helpless to his own body’s reactions, along for the ride, the white-hot flash of that first hard contraction, when he spills himself into her mouth.

She milks him hard, forcing every last drop from him, pushing him into another wave, and another, and another.

He’s out of breath and spent to the point of mild pain when she finally relents. She takes a swig of his water bottle, spits it out, then drinks.

He is overly sensitive now, and he’s grateful when she simply moves to kiss him again, resting her hand softly on his still twitching cock, as he feels himself come back down from his high and relaxing. He closes his eyes, lets her explore his mouth and his face, and after a while he wraps his arms around her, holding her carefully, trying not to direct her in any way.

He’s never found it easy to let go of control, especially during sex. He’s always considered himself a top. And now there’s Kaya who laid him out flat effortlessly, and he loves every second of it.

Thirty years of sex, he muses, and he never knew what he was missing! Before meeting Kaya he’s never considered the sheer acceptance of pleasure, not realizing that this might be just as valid as laboring over someone else’s.

She moves out of his embrace, kisses the tip of his nose and bends over to tuck him back in and buttoning his fly.

“Kaya-“ he starts, but she only shakes her head, and he knows that she understands anyway.

She finally moves to lie down next to him, and he takes her hand and kisses the bandages. She smiles, then props herself up and touches his face, stroking his beard with her fingertips, running them over his forehead, his temples, his cheeks and lips. There is a fierce concentration on her face, as if she was memorizing his features, as if he could just disappear.

“Don’t ever leave me,” he whispers, and her eyes search his, calmly contemplating his need.

“I won’t,” she finally says.

And then she sits up and reaches for her pack, rummaging through it, then pulling out a cereal bar and opening it, handing it to him.

He chuckles but admits that he’s rather peckish after his orgasm, and she watches him eat it, then hands him his water bottle.

Dog whines next to him and Kaya offers him his bottle and Declan watches in amazement as Dog drinks from it as she holds it for him.

“Wow,” he says. “He’s never let anyone else hold his bottle.”

“I’m not anyone,” Kaya says and smiles. “Not anymore.”

He nods and gets up, groaning as he straightens out. She takes the wrapper from him and tucks it into his front pocket.

“Down this way,” she points at the creek bed. “Be careful. Those rocks are slippery, even if they’re bone dry.”

“So I noticed. Thanks again, Kaya. I’ve had my share of potential cracked skulls.”

She takes Dog’s leash from him and goes ahead back into the creek bed, showing him the safest route, pointing out tricky spots.

He’s getting the hang of it pretty quickly and soon they jump from boulder to boulder, climbing the larger ones, squeezing in between others.

“Reminds me of the place where Aidan and I used to play as kids,” he says.

“A creek?”

“A public works yard, actually. They had those big concrete pipes, you know, for sewers and stuff, and they were great. All different sizes. And nobody was ever there on the weekends. Aidan had cut a hole in the fence, so we’d go and play in there.”

“That actually sounds really cool.”

“It was. One of the few good memories I have of him.”

She stops and turns. “And you should hold on to that,” she says, touching his arm. “Whatever doesn’t hurt should remain yours.”

They smile at each other.

He lets her take the lead on the narrow trail until they reach a windmill near the trailhead, and he takes a few pictures of her posing in front of the old artifact. They look at the screen together.

“That’s a good one,” Declan says, pointing at a shot where she’s looking up at the blades above. “Can you email me that one?”

“Sure thing.”

She puts her camera away and takes his hand, as they walk up the rest of the trail back to the beginning of the fire road.

Bax is lounging on the hood of the car, waving at them as they approach. Morse is sitting behind the wheel, knitting what appears to be a scarf.

“No way,” Kaya blurts out. “You knit?”

Morse shrugs, blushing a little. “Yeah.”

Declan grins. “Al gone?”

“Yep, Kevin needed some stuff so he went to pick it up and take it out to the compound.”

Kaya reaches for Morse’s handiwork. “May I see?”

Declan stuffs his hands into his pockets. With the truck gone this means they need to go back to the house, otherwise four’s a crowd, and it’s his time with Kaya. He doesn’t really mind, although he had hoped he could take her out to lunch after the hike.

Morse gestures at him and he climbs into the back seat with Dog and Bax while Kaya gets in the front. As the SUV starts moving and the AC comes on to cool his heated face he suddenly feels quite tired. Of course, he also had sex, so he can be excused for that. He closes his eyes as Dog puts his head into his lap and within minutes he’s dozed off, only waking as the car stops at a railroad crossing with a fast moving train blaring sirens across the track.

He looks around. They’re almost back in town. He taps Kaya’s shoulder.

“What do you want to do for lunch?”

Kaya shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe Chinese?”

“Chinese sounds good. Bax?”

Bax whips out his phone and within seconds he’s pinpointed a decent take-out place. They wait in the car while Morse goes inside to place their orders.

Kaya takes off her seat belt and turns around, kneeling on her seat. Declan touches her hands.

“Does it still hurt?”

Kaya shakes her head. “Nope. It’s just a coupla scratches, Declan. No biggie.”

“What happened?” Bax perks up.

“Just a scrape with some rocks that tried to make friends with Mr. Man’s skull,” Kaya grins.

“I’ll take a look back at the house.”

“It’s really just a scratch.”

Declan winks at her. “Come on, Kaya. Let the man do his job. I didn’t pay for that first responder training for nothing.”

“All right, fine.” She blows him a kiss. Declan pretends to catch it and sticks it on Bax’ cheek.

She laughs. When Morse comes back with the bags of food Bax taps him on the cheek. Morse stares at him in utter bewilderment.

“What the hell?”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Kaya says and pretends to peel the kiss off Morse’s cheek. “Y’all don’t appreciate a quick peck. But Dog does. Right, buddy?”

She tosses it at Dog who expertly catches it in mid-air. Kaya stares at Declan, openmouthed.

“Damn,” she mutters. “What else does he do? That was amazing!”

Declan chuckles and points at her seatbelt buckle and she sits back down and fastens the strap. Declan grins at Bax and takes the bags from Morse, placing them on the seat next to him. By the time they reach the house he’s ravenous from the delicious smell, and the others follow quickly.

***

Bax waves her over just as soon as they step inside. “Sit down,” he motions at the kitchen counter, and as she pulls up a stool he removes a sizeable first aid kit from a cabinet. “Let me see,” he reaches for her hands. Declan sits down next to her as Bax carefully peels off the bandages.

“Nothing serious,” Bax says after scrutinizing her injuries. “Go wash your hands with soap and water, and I’ll put some antibiotic on there. That should take care of it.”

She does as she’s told and Declan dries her hands with a paper towel. Bax applies the cream and waterproof band aids, then goes to fetch the bags of food from the car. He hands them to Declan who sets them on the breakfast table and grabs four dinner plates from the kitchen. Kaya laughs and waves him off.

“Good heavens, if you get take-out you should eat it like take-out,” she says and takes the plates from his hands, putting them back into the cabinet. “This means eating right out of the carton and making a mess.”

Morse grins and digs in the bag, opening the boxes and doling them out.

Declan shrugs. “I thought we were classier than that.”

“Maybe you are,” Kaya snickers. “But I’m not.”

Bax and Morse have already started swapping out boxes and Declan sighs, sitting down next to them.

Minutes later the food exchange is in full swing and Kaya can’t remember the last time she had this much fun eating Chinese take-out. And for just a moment she misses Isabel, and Justin, and Yamato.

Declan notices.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

She feels the blush creep onto her cheeks. “It’s nothing. I was just reminded of good times with friends.”

Declan looks at her and it surprises her to see the pain in his eyes. He’s feeling guilty again, she knows it, and yet she has no idea what to do about it. She doesn’t feel like she needs her friends with her at all times; she knows they understand, even if occasionally she glimpses the tiniest bit of jealousy in their faces. On the other hand she never pries about their other lovers, although she knows most of them while they know very little or nothing about Declan.

She smiles at him and he nods.

“I’m stuffed,” Bax declares after a while and offers to put the leftovers away. “Al might stop by later, when he’s done delivering Kevin’s watchamacallit. I’m sure he’ll be hungry.”

“All right,” Declan nods, then turns to her. “What next?”

“Coffee,” she pleads, and he laughs.

She watches him set up a large pot and minutes later the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the house. Declan fills four big mugs and Bax takes two of them down into the basement where Morse has retreated to watch a game.

Declan touches her hand.

“What was that all about,” he asks softly.

Kaya shakes her head. “It’s nothing, really, Declan. I just sometimes wish I could share you with my friends. Not that way –“ she smiles at his surprised look – “but just to hang out. Like friends do. You know – meet my buddies kinda stuff.”

Declan bites his lip and she’s quick to place her hand on his arm.

“I don’t want this thing to be anything other than what it is. But it’s natural to want to share the good things. You know?”

He sighs. “Yes, I know. And things might have been completely different, given the circumstances…”

“And it’s fine, Declan. I’m so lucky to have partners who understand that. They don’t know you, but they also respect your privacy. Which is why I love them so much. I never feel boxed in. It’s a rare thing.”

He sips his coffee and nods. She strokes the back of his hand with her fingertips.

“Each day with you is a gift, Declan. I know that. We’re walking on an edge none of us really comprehend. So I’m grateful. I’d love for it to be a forever thing, but I also know there are a lot of things beyond my control – or yours, for that matter.”

“I wish…” He stops and looks away, and she gets up and puts her arms around him.

“No regrets, Declan,” she whispers. “Not a single moment. You have to believe me.”

She kisses his temple, running her hands through his hair, then gently pulling his face around to kiss him, slowly, sweetly. He closes his eyes and surrenders to her caress, and she’s strangely touched by his calm acceptance of her touch.

Deepening her kiss she climbs onto his lap, stroking his face, tasting the coffee on his tongue. Then she lays her head on his shoulder, touching the side of his throat with her lips, feeling his pulse.

Maybe, she thinks, maybe nobody knows this Declan. The sweet, mild-mannered man who can trust others with his insecurities and secrets, the sensitive lover who communicates far better with his body language than his words.

He’s not much of a talker, she muses, but every look, every touch, every tiny smile says so much more than she could ever put into words. And even when he’s sad or upset, there’s always an aura of peace about him, the solidity of someone who knows exactly who he is.

“I want to make love to you,” she says, stroking his cheek.

He chuckles. “I’m not a teenager anymore, Kaya. Women have it so good. Us guys, we just get old.”

She sits up, studying his face. “I wasn’t talking about sex… I want to be close to you. There’s so much beyond sex. I want to tie you up and worship you.”

His smile makes her heart leap in her chest. “Worship, huh?” He kisses her. “All hail, Lord of the Underworld.”

She nips his nose. “I’m happy to call you whatever you want,” she purrs. “Come on.”

He downs the rest of his coffee, then takes her empty mug as well and sets it on the kitchen counter. Kaya looks around.

"Where’s Dog?”

“He went downstairs with Morse. He loves hanging with the guys watching football.” And as if on cue cheers and barks erupt from down below. Declan chuckles, then takes her hand, following her upstairs.

“Shower first,” she decides. “Get rid of the trail dust.”

She quickly undresses, then watches him strip down. There is a certain shyness about him, the smallest bit of self-consciousness, and he definitely doesn’t have the divine body that Justin or Yamato sport, but he also has quite a few years on her other lovers, and unlike them his livelihood is not dependent on being fully ripped and sporting six-packs of steel. He has a nice body even so, light years better than most guys his age, lacking a little toning but otherwise well proportioned.

She loves his ass – small, pert, round cheeks, and narrow hips and broad shoulders… she could stare at him for hours. And she must have been staring, as she suddenly notices his amused smile.

He steps into the shower and she joins him, concentrating on just rinsing off and not overstimulating him right away, trying to keep her hair out of the spray so as not to lose time drying it afterwards.

He slips into a robe and hands her one, and she rummages in her bag and hands him the cuffs.

“You were serious,” he muses.

“Course I was. And you look so good, tied up.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

She assists him with putting on the cuffs and attaches one Marabou strap to his right wrist as well. He looks at her quizzically. She shrugs.

“Just for fun,” she says. “Remember our safe word?”

“Burgundy. Either one of us can stop at any time for any reason. No blood. Condoms in the top drawer.”

“All right. On your back, and stretch your arms above your head.”

He shrugs off his robe, climbs up onto the bed and eases himself down, halfway to the side, so he can rest his cheek on his outstretched arm. She sits down next to him, placing her bag at his feet.

“You ready for a two-sided tie?”

“What’s that?”

“Remember how I tied both your wrists to the same strap last time? Well, if you’re comfortable, we can try each wrist separately. Your call.”

“Okay,” he nods.

“Sure? You won’t be able to undo them yourself.”

“I trust you,” he says simply. And she knows it’s the truth.

He watches intently as she fastens his left wrist to the strap, then relaxes and closes his eyes as she attaches the other strap to his right wrist.

“You good?”

“Mmhmm.”

She leans forward and kisses him gently. He opens his eyes and smiles at her.

“How do I look?”

His husky voice makes her shiver.

“Delicious,” she whispers, kissing him again. “Delectable. Delightful.”

“De-lovely?”

She laughs out loud. “De-hot!”

He nods. “Okay. What do I do now?”

She straddles his hips and lies down, resting her cheek on his chest, just below his chin.

“Nothing. Just – be here with me.”

She listens to his heart beat – quite fast at first, but slowing down as he relaxes. His breath is deep and even, and she marvels at the rising and sinking of his chest.

After a few minutes she turns her head to look up at his face. He looks at her with hooded eyes, and she feels the blood rushing in her ears. Sitting up she places both palms on his chest, stroking his skin, rubbing over his nipples which pebble up in response.

She moves on to cup his shoulders and finds a curious scar near his left armpit.

“What happened there?”

Declan cranes his neck and winces a little.

“Ah, that’s where Aidan shot me with an arrow.”

“He-… what?”

“We were playing Cowboys and Indians, and he shot me. It hurt like hell and he couldn’t get it back out. So we came home and I told everyone I had accidentally impaled myself. Man, I got paddled, after we got back from the emergency room.”

She wishes she hadn’t asked – obviously it wasn’t a good memory, but again his sweet nature shows, and he actually chuckles. “Aidan bought me a pack of gum afterwards. Juicy Fruit. I can’t believe I remember that! But yeah, it was Juicy Fruit.”

“He just let you take the blame?”

“Yep, I was quite used to it. It wasn’t a big deal. I haven’t thought of it in years.”

She nods and continues to explore. Both of his arms are pockmarked here and there with small scars.

“Burns?”

“Hot metal, mostly. And most of them from a copper smelt that sprayed me. Molten copper will do that to you.”

“Grad school?”

“Yep, lab accident. Went through my coat and shirt. Afterwards I got myself some good welding gear.”

“Do you weld?”

He nods. “MIG, TIG, Acetylene, you name it. I even thought about commercial welding as a career for a while.”

“Really?”

“There’s a ton of money in it and demand is very high. You remember how the Iraqis set oil wells on fire in the Gulf War?”

Kaya thinks of the horrendous pictures of black smoke plumes that were even visible from outer space.

“Yeah. That was awful. What a fucking waste.”

Declan blows out a breath. “My roommate went there to weld those wells shut. He made over $1,000 an hour. Okay, it was nasty work, but he was filthy rich in no time.”

“What’s he doing now?”

“He bought a boat, has been sailing the world ever since.”

Kaya runs her hands over the length of his arms. “Wow,” she says. “I never thought about that.”

“I wanted to go into underwater welding.”

Kaya stops. “Wait. You can weld under water?”

“Sure thing. That’s how they put those big oil rigs together. Another friend of mine did that. He retired at age 40, tons of cash, moved to Roatan and now runs a scuba resort there.”

She moves back to his chest.

“What made you decide against welding?”

“It wasn’t any one thing… I was married, wanted to have kids. Welding oil wells or rigs is very dangerous work. Didn’t really fit in with the domestic bit. And I liked the scientific aspects of metallurgy more than the mechanical repetition of welding. That, and an interest in reclamation.”

She runs her fingers over his rib cage, feeling the little bumps of the bones there. Somehow it still surprises her that the metallurgy angle is genuine and not just a convenient cover for whatever he does to make his real money. He plays the part of the scrap metal dealer so well because part of it is actually who he really is.

“I thought it was mostly a smoke screen, to be honest. The whole recycling thing.”

“Oh, it’s real, all right. Just like your design work isn’t a cover for your multiple partners.”

She nods. “That makes perfect sense. Funny, I just never thought about it that way.”

Declan chuckles. “You’re not the only one. I’m quite used to it. And clichés come in quite handy.”

“As they do in costuming,” she agrees. “It’s weird, you know? There are so many parallels in our lives. Equivalents. Corresponding items.”

He sighs and closes his eyes again.

“Serendipity,” he murmurs.

She moves on, scoots lower onto his hips, gently stroking his abdomen.

He laughs, all of a sudden.

“Yeah, I know, I could stand to lose a few pounds,” he says. “And I should get back into shape, too.”

“It’s not that bad,” she protests. “Just toning. I like you just fine like this.”

“Merҫi bien.”

"De nada.”

She climbs off his hips and kneels between his legs, noticing how his breathing quickens and tension returns to his limbs. She understands – she’s forced him into an extremely vulnerable position with no possible escape, and so she places her hands on his thighs and squeezes them gently.

“I’m right here,” she whispers. “I won’t hurt you.”

He raises his head and looks at her. “I know,” he says. “It’s just that I’m not used to this.”

“Nobody is, Declan. I’d feel the same way. But you can go quite far on trust alone. It’s a real gift.”

He lies back down and she runs her hands down his left leg. Tracing the length of a scar along his calf she purses her lips.

“Let me guess: this one is from when you and Aidan played circus, and he was the knife thrower, and you didn’t run fast enough.”

Declan laughs, and she loves how his whole body twitches in mirth.

“Actually, that was when I fell off my bike and sliced my leg open. That’s 27 stitches right there. Aidan wasn’t out to kill me. Well, sometimes he wasn’t. Sometimes I legitimately hurt myself by accident.”

“I see.” She startles when she reaches his left foot.

“Is that nail polish?”

Declan groans. “Yes… ah damn, I meant to get rid of that.”

“Okay,” Kaya says slowly. “Do tell.”

“My accountant brought his granddaughter in the other day, it was some kind of family emergency, and the little girl insisted on painting my fingernails. I had a meeting later that day so I let her do my toes instead.”

“Pink glitter, Declan!”

“I know,” he moans. “I forgot all about it!”

“Got any nail polish remover, by any chance?”

“What – you don’t like it?”

“No.”

“There’s acetone under the bathroom sink.”

Kaya jumps up and goes to fetch the bottle and some cotton swabs. It turns out Declan is ticklish on his feet, and it takes her quite a while to get rid of his Barbie toenails.

“There,” she finally says, satisfied with her work. He wiggles his toes and squints down at his feet.

“Thankfully she only did the left one.”

Kaya sets the bottle down and works her way up his right leg.

“You had knee surgery?”

“Yeah… ten years back, something like that.”

“Three guesses...”

“Nope, it was a sports injury,” he jumps in. “And now I always know when the weather changes.”

“That actually happens? I always thought that’s just something old folks say to appear more seasoned and experienced.”

“It’s true. Luckily there aren’t that many sudden changes here, but on the East Coast it’s a different story.”

“Declan’s Weather Channel?”

“Something like that.”

He falls silent as she moves up on his leg, back to his groin. She bends down and places a tiny kiss on his cock.

“Love this guy,” she says.

Declan shaves his groin, and she’s grateful – she’s never been one to like pubic hair and she keeps herself as smooth as possible at all times. All of her partners shave as well – it makes their lives a lot easier.

Declan’s cock is of a good size even when flaccid, unlike many other men she’s known, and the thought of what he feels like inside her makes her ache with longing deep within.

She hesitates, then moves up to straddle his hips again, gently touching his face.

“What do you look like without the beard,” she muses.

“I can show you some pictures later.”

“Why do you have it? The beard?”

He squints at her. “I’ve had it for a long time. I think I told you that Aidan and I look a lot alike. I got tired of getting confused with him. And after he left… I wanted to look different. How weird is that?”

“It’s not weird at all. I probably would have done the same thing. Like shaved my head or something.”

He doesn’t say anything to that and she knows she’s struck a nerve.

It’s clear he still loves his brother, despite all the heartache, but he also needed the distance, to know at all times that he was not his brother, that he was his own person and wanted to go his own way.

She traces the outline of his beard with her fingertips. She’s never had a lover with facial hair, never thought she could like it, but she has to admit that she does, and she cannot imagine Declan smooth-faced. There’s a maturity about him because of the beard. She finds it attractive, and she can’t quite put her finger on it exactly why that is so.

His nose is straight and symmetrical, his eyebrows well-shaped, and there are lots of laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. She doesn’t really think of Declan as a funny guy per se, but more often than not there’s a mild smile on his features.

“I remember when I first saw you, and you were so confused when I just started talking to you… And then you found me again. And you were always smiling.”

“And here we are.”

“Who would’ve thunk?”

He chuckles and she kisses him.

“I wanna fuck you, Declan.”

He grins. “Help yourself, Kaya. I’m a little tied up at the moment.”

“Baaad,” she says.

Then she moves back down and pounces on his cock, sucking him gently, bringing him to full hardness in a short time. She loves watching him breathe harder with each bob of her head, the muscles in his arms bulging, as he strains against his bonds.

Reaching down she cups his scrotum, carefully rolling his balls around in their sac, pressing her knuckles into his perineum, which lifts his hips clear off the bed.

She lets go of him and reaches for the top drawer of the night stand and pulls out a condom, quickly opening it, pinching the tip and rolling it onto his cock.

Then she mounts him and impales herself in one swift movement, crying out with the sudden stretch inside, delighting in his shocked gasp for air. She tilts her hips forward, pushing him deeper into herself, rocking gently to feel every last bit of his penetration.

She feels his hips buck up into her and matches her own rhythm in counterpoint to his, riding him hard. She concentrates on her Kegels, milking him forcefully, and his desperate moans signal his extreme pleasure. He comes with a strangled groan, a series of breath-holds, like suppressed screams and she loves him so much for allowing her to see him so submissive to her, so completely given over to her ministrations. He throws his head back, exhaling with a loud moan, and the sight pushes her over the edge as well, which in turn makes him almost sob with bliss.

His desperate gasps for air wrench her heart and she sinks down on his chest, still pulsing hard inside, grasping his face with both hands and kissing him deeply. She can feel him convulsing beneath her and her own ecstasy spirals into almost-pain.

She comes up for air, breathing heavily, allowing him to catch his breath as well.

He opens his eyes and looks at her, and she sees such trust in him it nearly makes her cry. She can tell he’s quite shattered by his orgasm and so she just holds him, kissing him gently, stroking his face and his trembling arms.

“Stay,” he whispers, and she rests her head beneath his chin, his cock still inside of her, still twitching with tiny aftershocks.

She feels him move his head, feels him kiss her hair and turns her face to look at him. He smiles at her and she kisses him again. Feeling his softening cock slipping from her body she sits up carefully, holding on to the condom, pulling it off to the side and wrapping it in a tissue, cleaning him up in the process.

Then she moves up to unclip the cuffs and he groans as he moves his arms. She gently massages his biceps and forearms, and then he suddenly pulls her up against him and rolls her over onto her back, kissing her over and over, and he doesn’t even need to say it – she understands his gratitude, his desire to give back, his need to move on his own.

They finally doze off, arms and legs tangled, foreheads touching, and she’s never felt so safe and content in her whole life.

***

He’s dreaming of Aidan again.

Aidan is on a beach, collecting shells, an angry ocean behind him. The water is grey and metallic, like liquid pewter, the surf breaking close to shore. He holds up a large cylindrical shell, smiling.

“Declan.”

“It’s nice. What is it?”

“Declan!”

He blinks. He’s in bed with Kaya, her face pushed against his chest.

“Declan?” Morse’s voice.

“Mmhmm.”

“Todd’s on the phone. He wants to talk to you.”

Declan closes his eyes again.

“Declan!”

“Tell him to go away.”

“You really want me to do that?”

Declan sighs and carefully twists out of Kaya’s embrace. She wakes and he kisses her on the forehead.

“Be right back.”

He rolls out of bed, grabs his robe and follows Morse into the hallway where Bax is waiting, holding his phone. Declan nods and Bax unmutes his phone.

“Hold on, he’s almost done with the client.”

He mutes it again and they make their way down to the kitchen.

Declan takes the phone. “What does he want?”

Bax shrugs. “He didn’t say. But he insisted on talking to you.”

“I’m not taking him back.”

“You tell him that, then.”

Declan taps the screen.

“Todd, hey, sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Hey, Declan, no problem, Sir, I know you’re busy. Thanks for taking my call.”

“What’s up?”

“Well, I’ve taken your advice and did some studying. Thanks for the suggestion, by the way, you were right, there is a lot of stuff I still have to learn.”

“So?”

“So, I want to come back and cook again.”

Declan bites his lip. “Out of the question.”

“I’m doing much better, Declan, I understand the process a whole lot more. I want to prove it to you.”

“Todd, you set my lab on fire and nearly killed yourself and my cook.”

“I know, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I know it was all my fault, I can eat that shit, no problem. But I want to get back into things. I’m asking you to reconsider and give me another chance.”

Declan shakes his head.

“Todd, there’s nothing to reconsider. You’re a liability. I can’t afford to drag you along until you know what you’re doing. One more lab outage, and the whole operation is busted. I have supply lines to feed.”

“I understand. I’m sorry, Sir. I wish I could do something to change your mind. What if I paid for the damage?”

“Todd, the answer is no. Okay?”

“Okay. I’m sorry to bother you. Well, thanks for talking to me. I’ll keep studying. Maybe someday I can make it up to you.”

“I doubt that.”

“You have a nice weekend now, Sir. Thanks again.”

“Good luck.”

He terminates the call and hands the phone back to Bax.

“Way to ruin my day,” he grumbles. “Kid does 650k of damage and wants to come back.”

“Nobody here wants to see him again,” Bax nods. “What should I do if he calls again?”

Declan wipes his face with both hands and groans. “Oh, remind him of his non-disclosure agreement and hang up on him.”

Bax grins. “Done.”

Declan frowns. “That guy worries me, though. He’s just not right, you know?”

Morse points at him. “You might do well finding a safe place for Kaya. Just in case.”

Declan sits down. Morse is right. If something were to happen to him he needs to have a place for her to go, at least for a while.

Bax’ phone rings.

“Yeah,” he says. “Hey, Sameer. Whaddup?” He listens, holding up a finger at Declan. “Well, we’re all here, so come on over… Okay… see you soon.”

“Sameer?”

“Yep. And guess what, he might have an idea for Morse’s suggestion.”

“I’d better get dressed, then.” Declan gets up. “Let me know when he gets here.”

He goes back upstairs into the bedroom. Kaya stretches luxuriously.

“Hey, good-looking,” she drawls.

“Hey yourself,” he smiles. “What’s the plan for tonight?”

Kaya sits up.

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” she admits. “My flight doesn’t leave until noon, my bags are already packed so I’m in no rush.”

“Can you stay the night?”

She winks at him. “I could be persuaded.”

“There’s a Cow and Chicken marathon on Cartoon Network.”

She perks up. “Seriously? That show’s been off the air for, what, fifteen years.”

Declan gestures. “Some throwback festival, I think.”

“I love Cow and Chicken!”

He laughs. “Me too. We can just slum it, then. Maybe cook something.”

“That sounds fabulous. Got something in mind?”

“I’m in the mood for baking. Maybe a quiche?”

Kaya pulls the sheets off and climbs out of bed. “Quiche sounds great. And really complicated.”

“It’s not. I’ll show you.”

She puts her arms around him and kisses him.”You can think of a devious dessert later,” he suggests, and she giggles.

"Yum,” she says, licking her lips. “I guess we’re getting dressed, then.”

It takes them a while to slip back into their clothes; he can’t seem to keep his hands off her, and she certainly doesn’t seem to mind.

Suddenly Dog starts barking his head off. “Sameer is here,” comes Morse’s voice from downstairs.

Kaya looks at him.

“What’s he doing here?”

Declan shrugs. “I dunno. He just told Bax he was coming over. Come on down when you’re ready.”

“Okay. I’m just going to brush my hair real quick.”

She heads for the bathroom and Declan goes downstairs.

Sameer seems excited. “I’m not sure if this is way out of line,” he blurts out, “but I have a cousin who works at a TV production company in Gwinnett, just outside of Atlanta, and I told him about Kaya, and he wants to talk to her.”

Declan smiles. “Sameer, what Kaya does professionally is none of my business, so you go ahead and do your thing.”

Bax holds up his hand. “Atlanta, Declan,” he says. “That’s a good distance away. I think it’s a great idea.”

Declan’s penny drops.

“Damn, you’re right.”

Kaya joins them and Dog nearly falls over in his happiness to see her. She kneels down to hug him.

“Hey Sameer. What’s going on?”

Declan gestures at him and Sameer stops. “What happened to your hands?”

Kaya looks at the bandages. “I scraped myself on a rock while hiking this morning. It’s okay. Bax took care of it.”

“I see.” Sameer looks relieved, then beams at her.

“My cousin Arjun works for a production company in Gwinnett County.”

Kaya nods. “Ah, the new studios near Atlanta.”

“Yes, Ma’m. Arjun is a personnel manager and I mentioned you in a recent conversation, and he was very interested in speaking with you.”

“Oh? What are they filming?”

“Various TV series, as I understand it. Zombies and vampires, mostly.”

“My favorites!” Kaya gets up.

“There is a lot of field work, local crowds, many background extras. I thought you might be interested.”

“I am. Did he say what kind of time commitments are involved?”

“Mostly short-term, I believe. A week or two at a time. It’s year-round, though. They shoot crowd scenes for several shows back-to-back. One day they’re zombies, the next day they’re vampires, the next day they’re regular people.”

“That sounds great. Yes, please give him my contact info. I’d be happy to talk to him.”

“I will do that. Thank you. Arjun will be very pleased. I never thought I would ever be able to help him out, but thanks to you I might indeed. I owe him a great debt of gratitude. He gave me his old car back in high school, when I was in dire need of reliable transportation.”

Kaya smiles. “Sure thing. I’ll be in L.A. for the next two weeks; maybe we can skype or something.”

“I will make that suggestion to him. Thank you.”

Sameer bows to her, then to the others.

“Gentlemen.”

“Call me tomorrow, Sameer,” Declan points at him.

“Will do. Thank you again.”

And he’s gone.

Declan shoots Bax a look, and he nods and heads back to the office. Declan knows he’ll get into his network to check out Sameer’s cousin and make sure it’s all legit, setting up a shadow for her there and looking into any security issues. Kaya seems unaware of the silent conversation, as she’s busy giving Dog a tummy rub, and once again Declan is grateful for his great crew. It’s moments like this when they work together like a well-oiled machine and he can trust them to finish the job properly. He’ll talk to Sameer later and get more information about a potential safe place for Kaya.

Chances are she’ll figure it out right away, he tells himself, she’s too smart not to pick up on it, but she’s also smart enough not to let on. She knows when to play along and when to ask questions. And he trusts her to understand the situation.

“So – quiche,” he says and Kaya gets up.

“Okay, let’s do it. What do we need?”

He counts off the ingredients on his fingers as she raids the fridge and he points out cabinets for supplies.

“What do you want in it?”

She shrugs. “I dunno. Something green. Spinach? Broccoli?”

“There’s a bag of broccoli crowns in the freezer. We can steam that real quick, it will be ready in no time.”

And so they work together on the dish. Kaya makes a mess of the crust, so Declan takes over and she watches him carefully. He loves that she’s a quick learner, and praises her when she does the crust for the second pie by herself, and it even looks halfway decent. She programs the oven without any further instructions, and he’s impressed. It took him a lot longer than one lasagna to learn the functions, and this is only her second time.

Soon the two pies are done and in the oven. Declan washes the dishes while she fixes peach smoothies for everyone.

A short while later she’s curled up in his arms on the sofa downstairs, Dog beside them, as they watch the cartoon show.

“I can’t believe you remember Cow and Chicken,” he muses, kissing her hair.

“Yeah… it really dates, me, though, doesn’t it? I was in grad school, and we all watched it. It was actually pretty rad for its time.”

He loves it when she laughs and he can feel her paroxysms of mirth all along his chest and stomach. And he wants her again, so badly he can hardly stand it.

She notices, of course, and turns her head to kiss his neck. “Down, boy,” she whispers, and it makes him smile.

They watch for a while, sipping their smoothies.

“Declan?”

“Mmhmm?”

Kaya twists out of his embrace and turns to look at him.

“Is the Gwinnett thing a setup?”

He frowns. “How do you mean?”

“Is it something you lined up?”

Declan shakes his head, well aware of what it all must look like to her.

“I admit, we had just been talking about finding a safe place for you when Sameer called. I had nothing to do with it.”

“A safe place?”

“In case something happens to me.”

Kaya looks stricken and he touches her cheek.

“I swear it was pure coincidence. Bax is checking on Sameer’s cousin to make sure it’s all legit, though.”

“You think I need a safe place?”

He bites his lip.

“Kaya, I’ve dragged you into this whole mess. I have no business telling you what to do, especially not on the job. But for better or worse knowing me is bad for you. Someone might want to harm you to get to me. There are some very bad people out there.”

“I’ve never thought about that,” she says quietly, looking away.

“I know. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. You talk to Sameer’s cousin, see what he has to offer. You don’t have to check back with me or anything, Bax will make sure it’s safe, one way or the other.”

She takes his hand.

“Look, I don’t mind the shadows and the snooping, it’s the price I pay, I get that. I just don’t want you or anyone to do me any special favors. I won’t ever use what we have together as leverage for anything.”

“I know, Kaya. You’re your own person, you don’t need me to line up your life for you. But I want you to be safe. I can’t imagine what I’d do if something happened to you.”

She kisses him gently.

“I get it. I do.”

“And that’s why you can’t know anything, either.”

“Don’t want to know anything.” She strokes the back of his hand. “Declan, what will you do if you’re ever – found out?”

He shrugs.

“Own up. Do time. Start my life over, with what little there might be left afterwards.”

“I won’t leave you,” she says, tearing up.

“I know you won’t,” he whispers.

She touches his cheek, then kisses his forehead before turning back into his arms. He pulls her close and his heart feels like it’s about to burst.

He is vaguely aware of the cartoon squawking along in the background while he breathes in the scent of her hair, feels the touch of her fingertips on his forearms. His world is teetering on the verge of implosion; if she asked him right now to quit it all and run away with the circus he’d do it in a heartbeat. At the same time he knows she would never do that.

Deep down he knows he doesn’t deserve her, that she doesn’t deserve the pain that will undoubtedly follow. And he vows to never leave her either.

He’s read stories of successful prison romances, relationships that survived even a prolonged sentence. He used to think he’d flee the country if it ever came to that, go underground somewhere, start over. Suddenly there’s a new option, and he realizes he meant what he said about owning up and facing the music.

Still, until then, he’ll be happy with the way things are.

The oven alarm goes off and Dog barks and jumps off the sofa, running upstairs.

“Order up,” he sighs and she gets up, holding out her hand to pull him to his feet.

“It’ll have to sit for a while, straight out of the oven,” he explains as they walk up the stairs. “It’s basically a custard, so it has to set.”

“If you say so,” she nods.

In the kitchen he hands her two oven mitts. “Would you do the honors? I want to talk to Bax real quick.”

She smiles and he trots back to the office where Bax hands him a stack of papers.

“It’s all good, as far as I can see. I need to dig a little deeper, of course, but so far everything checks out. Totes vanilla situation. Like Sameer said, vampires and zombies and a bunch of reality shows. Arjun seems to know his stuff, he’s pretty far up the totem pole, but other than a penchant for backcountry hikes with the Atlanta Single Hikers group there is nothing remarkable about him.” Bax makes a vague gesture. “Remarkable for us, that is.”

“Single hikers?” Declan hands the papers back.

“Don’t worry, he’s gay.”

Declan rolls his eyes and goes back to the kitchen where Kaya is carefully pulling the second quiche out of the oven and placing it on a potholder.

“Are you sure they’re done? They look like they’re uncooked in the middle.”

“Custard,” he reminds her. “Give it some time. Ten minutes or so. It’s too hot now anyways.”

“Quick salad?”

“Sure. What do we still have?”

“Let’s see… spinach, carrots, yellow squash. We can grate the carrots and the squash.”

He nods and pulls out a large bowl and a grater, and together they have the colorful salad done in a few minutes. Morse comes wandering in, undoubtedly drawn by the delicious aroma of the fresh pies, and starts to lay the table, and soon Bax joins them and pours four tall glasses of ice water.

They manage to polish off the two quiches, just the four of them, with Dog getting a portion as well.

“You’d think we haven’t been fed in days,” Morse shakes his head.

“Dude, eat when the eatin’ is good,” Bax mumbles and helps himself to more salad.

“Bax and I will clean up,” Morse announces, then points at Declan: “If you were a girl I’d ask you to marry me. Damn, you’re a good cook.”

“It’s just a quiche,” Declan shrugs. “And it’s the 21st century, brother.”

“What’s with the clichés,” Kaya says. “I can’t cook.”

Morse grins. “Touché.”

“All right, shoo!” Bax ushers them out of the dining area. “Thanks for dinner, but be gone so we can clean up. And then I have paperwork to do.”

Kaya grabs Declan’s hand and pulls him into the hallway. She winks at him and gets up on her toes to whisper in his ear.

“I want Morse to watch us.”

He blinks at her. “Now?”

“In a bit. When he’s done helping.”

He searches her face, notices the hungry look in her eyes, her mischievous smile, and a hot flash of desire slashes through him.

“Marabou?”

She grins. “Absolutely.”

They make their way upstairs and Kaya rummages in her bag, pulling out the cuffs and straps. He watches her, not sure what to do.

She looks up.

“You okay with this?”

He smiles. “Yes, of course. I know how much it turns you on.”

She comes closer and touches his cheek. “That’s not what I was asking, Declan.”

He kisses her. “No, it’s okay, really. I’ve been thinking about it since we first met. He knows it, too.”

She nods. “I love you, Declan.”

“Love you, too.”

***

She watches him take a shower. The wet glass conceals much of his body but she loves every second of it, her legs folded up underneath her as she sits on the bed.

“Wanna join me?” comes Declan’s voice.

She gets up. “Sure. Hang on.”

She puts up her hair and slips into the stall. Declan lathers her up, carefully avoiding getting her hair wet. She loves his gentle hands gliding over her skin, loving her with every touch. He turns off the shower and opens the door, reaching for a large towel to wrap around her.

“Want me to tie you up before I get Morse?”

She purses her lips, considering. “Let’s have him tie me up,” she suggests.

“Kinky. What if he wants in on the action?”

She laughs. “I’m down with that. You know that!”

Declan smiles. “Maybe next time. Baby steps.”

She nods. As much as she loves Declan, she does occasionally miss having multiple partners. She knows Declan isn’t averse to the idea, but he’s right – it will take time to get his comfort up to that level. And she’s grateful for him indulging her fantasies. It’s a rare thing, she’s well aware of that. Perhaps some time in the future he’ll meet her other partners. She knows they would adore him. But for now, she’ll let him set the pace.

“Baby steps,” she confirms. “You remember the rules?”

“Of course. And the condoms.”

“Don’t go easy on me, Declan. I want you to wear me out.”

“All right. Well, go get Morse, if you’re ready.”

She pokes his arm. “Stick a fork in me,” she snickers and heads downstairs.

Morse is sitting on the sofa reading the paper, Dog snoring next to him. He looks up as she clears her throat.

“Kaya? What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you’d like to watch something really really hot.”

Morse folds up the paper. “Oh?”

“I’ll even let you tie me up.”

Morse jumps up and she laughs as Dog protests at being jostled from his nap.

“Come on,” she inclines her head.

“Declan okay with that?”

“What do you think?” She touches his hand, kisses him quickly.

He grins. “All right, then.”

As she enters the bedroom Declan has already rigged the strap between the bedposts, leaving plenty of slack for it to reach the covers. He hands the cuffs to Morse.

“All yours,” he says, and Kaya holds out her wrists.

Declan helps him to fasten the leather bindings and adjust them properly, and then Morse attaches the marabou.

“That good?”

“Perfect.”

Declan loosens the towel around her chest and pulls it off.

Morse’s face falls. “Wow,” he says and Kaya grins.

“Okay, what next?”

“You snap them together, with the strap in between.”

She scoots up onto the bed and raises her arms while Morse links the cuffs.

“Thanks,” she says. “Enjoy!”

Morse nods and retreats to the stuffed chair in the corner. She notes the bulge in his pants with a great deal of satisfaction. While she’s not exactly young anymore she’s kept her body in good shape and it pleases her that Morse finds the situation arousing.

She looks at Declan who climbs up onto the bed. “Anything specific,” he asks.

“Nope. Just have fun. Make me beg you to stop.”

“No pressure!”

She giggles. “I’d like to feel a lot of pressure in a little bit.”

And then Declan’s mouth is on her lips, silencing her demands, and she loves his taste, loves to hear his breath up close, the touch of his eyelashes on her cheeks. His hands cup her breasts and she moves to curl around him but he quickly slips between her knees and slides his hands under her buttocks, lifting her hips.

Her breath hitches as he licks her swollen folds, teasing her clit with the tip of his tongue.

“Right there,” she gasps. “Fuck, Declan…”

He stops and she lifts her head to look at him. He cocks his head to the side.

“More?”

She kicks him with her heel and he grins widely, lifting her hips higher and suckling her again.

And when he suddenly pushes a finger into her she comes with an abrupt shout.

It takes her completely by surprise – he usually draws out her sweet agony much longer than this.

“Fuck,” she swears, and then just as suddenly his finger is gone and he sets her down, grasping her thighs instead and rolling her hips up, pushing her knees down onto the bed. She’s still pulsing with her orgasm when he pushes his tongue into her, making her squeal at the sensation.

“Yes,” she wails, “Oh gods, yes…”

Seconds later his tongue is on her puckered hole, probing insistently, teasing her, flicking back and forth.

She looks at him and he holds up his right hand – his index finger is covered with a glistening wet condom.

“Declan,” she cries out, “Damn it…”

And then his finger is in her ass, rotating gently, moving in and out and she watches him push his tongue back into her, and she comes so hard she nearly throws him off.

“Turnabout is fair play,” he says, holding her in place, moving his finger inside her.

“More,” she sobs, “More, please…”

He leans forward and kisses her, and she can taste herself on his tongue. She protests as his finger slips from her ass.

Noticing movement from the corner of her eye she looks to the side and notices Morse handing something to Declan.

“What-“

Declan rests her calves on his shoulders and reaches for her chin, turning her face back.

“This?” he says, holding up a silver metallic vibrator.

She groans in response, dropping her head back onto the pillow.

“Was that a yes?” Declan asks, grinning widely.

“Yes, please, Sir – what do I have to do? Morse, kick his ass already,” she yells.

She hears Morse cough from his corner and Declan winks at her.

“Well, then,” he clears his throat and she feels the cool slickness against her hole, the slow and steady pressure, and she consciously exhales with a sigh and the vibrator slips into her body. Declan keeps up the pressure and as she looks up at him she sees him watching her intently, and he backs off the second she winces just a little when she’s had enough.

And she loves him so much she feels the tears coming.

“You okay?”

“Yes… right there…” The pain subsides and she sighs. “You’re the best,” she says. “Turn it on.”

She closes her eyes, waiting for the buzz, and when it happens she cries out.

He leans forward and kisses her again.

“Love you, Kaya,” he says.

“Love you,” she breathes.

She tries to breathe her arousal away as his hands glide over her heated skin, soothing her, calming her down. He wipes the corners of her eyes with his thumbs, studying her face, and she smiles.

“Fuck me, Declan,” she whispers.

He kneels up closer to her, hooking her legs over his arms, guiding his cock towards her, and then he slips into her with one move.

It comes as a relief for her to have him fill her like that, and for a long minute neither one of them moves.

He kisses her on the forehead. “Feels funky,” he murmurs.

She snickers. “I swear it’s the same body as last time.”

He laughs. “I mean the vibrator.”

“Funky, huh?”

“Funky,” he confirms. “Damn, you’re tight.”

She shakes her head. “You’re big, is all.”

She hears Morse laughing and turns her head to look at him.

“He really is big,” she frowns at him. “Try him some time.”

Morse holds up his hands. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Declan gives a quick thrust and she looks back at him, smiling.

“Actually, I’d much rather see Morse fuck you than the other way round.”

Declan narrows his eyes at her, gives another quick thrust that makes her gasp.

“Why is that?”

She closes her eyes, searches for words.

“Seeing you lose it,” she finally admits. “And not being able to do anything about it.”

He kisses her gently. “Maybe someday,” he whispers. “I’m still learning.”

And then he begins to move, slowly, steadily, almost leisurely, holding the vibrator in her ass with his thigh.

She watches him as he concentrates on controlling his own arousal, the way he bites his lip, the way he watches his cock glide in and out of her, the way he blows out the occasional deep breath.

And she knows he’s the most beautiful man on the face of the Earth.

The thought makes her heart beat wildly in her chest, and he notices a change in her and looks at her.

“I want you inside of me, always,” she says quietly, and he stops and leans down to kiss her. “I am,” he says. “Just as you are always inside of me.”

She nods and he resumes his gentle thrusting.

She wishes she could touch his face right now, run her fingers through his damp curly hair, feel the bulging muscles in his arms.

He looks at her and stops moving.

“Kaya?”

She can’t help the tears and he withdraws carefully, allowing her to expel the vibrator and setting it aside. Then he reaches up and unclips the cuffs from the strap. She wraps her aching arms around him, buries her face in his neck.

Somehow the situation has shifted, become something other than what they both had intended.

She hears Morse cough. “I’m going to, umm…”

“Okay,” she whispers, holding on to Declan as if for dear life.

They hold each other for a long time.

Finally she brushes his hair out of his face and kisses him, and that’s when she notices he’s crying as well.

She nods, understanding the moment, knowing they can’t get any closer than this. And it’s a strange feeling, as if they were both the same person, and she suddenly understands that yes, a part of him will always be inside of her, and her in him.

“It’s like the whole world,” she says. “Everything, it’s all there. Starstuff. Always and forever.”

He nods and smiles a little, wiping his eyes.

“Come for me,” she whispers, and he pushes into her again.

“Come on, come on, come on,” she urges him on, her own desire for him reawakening, watching him labor above her, his thrusts getting harder, faster.

She comes with a shout as he slams into her hard, almost brutally, and she wants him to split her apart and tear her to pieces. A shuddering sigh, a near painful groan, and he’s coming minutes later, holding her hips with bruising strength, and she marvels at his complete abandon.

Clamping her legs around the small of his back she pulls him close, loving the full weight of his body on her, the sweat-slick gliding of skin over skin, his trembling gasps for air. She tangles her fingers in his curly hair, strokes his shoulders, his arms.

He rolls them over so she comes to rest on his chest as he exhales with a load groan.

She touches his face and he looks up at her, smiling.

She kisses him, feeling him slip from her body.

Sitting up she pulls the condom off his spent cock and wraps it in a tissue, turns the vibrator off and sets it aside.

He lifts his arm and she snuggles up close, resting her leg across his thighs.

They don’t talk for a long time.

“Two weeks without this,” he finally sighs.

She smiles. “Always with you,” she reminds him.

“Always,” he confirms.

He looks around. “Morse get bored?”

She giggles and pokes him in the ribs. “He excused himself,” she says. “It was very sweet of him.”

Declan nods. “He’s a good guy.”

“Feel okay to you?”

He smiles and kisses her on the forehead. “Yeah, actually. It did. I didn’t think it’d be this easy.”

She props herself up on her elbow.

“With the right people, it’s easy,” she agrees. “It’s a question of trust. Physical attraction helps, too. Knowing each other very well.”

“I guess so,” Declan muses. “It was different, this time. Like a performance or something, but then everything changed.”

She draws circles on his chest with her fingertips.

“Sometimes you need someone else to define togetherness for yourself,” she says quietly.

“You knew this would happen?”

“No. It came as much of a surprise to me as it did to you. But it makes sense.”

He takes her hand, strokes the inside of her palm.

“I meant what I said,” she finally says.

He sits up. “I know you did.”

She looks at him for a long time, then nods.

He kisses her gently. “Let’s clean up.”

She looks down. “I’m making a mess.”

Declan laughs. “It’s just a sheet.”

He pulls on a pair of briefs and a t-shirt, then hands her a shirt from a drawer.

Kaya stares at it.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s the shirt from the mall,” she says. “The burgundy shirt. The one I told you to buy.”

“I know.”

She slips it on and he hands her her undies.

“It’s nice,” she says, looking at herself in the mirror. He steps up behind her and kisses her cheek.

“There’s a fresh pineapple on the breakfast table,” he says. “Feel like some dessert?”

She smiles and follows him down the stairs.

Morse is feeding Dog in the kitchen and Kaya walks up to him. He looks at her and she throws her arms around him.

“Thanks, Morse.”

“You’re welcome.”

***

Morse flashes him a quick smile as he enters the kitchen. Declan thought it would be awkward, looking into his driver’s eyes after he’s just watched him having sex with his girlfriend, but to his surprise there’s none of that. If anything there’s a fondness between them now, a closeness through a respectful distance – and Declan has no idea where even that notion comes from, but that’s sure what it feels like to him.

Kaya is perching on one of the stools at the breakfast bar, watching Dog eat his dinner.

Declan grabs a cutting board and a sharp knife and Kaya hands him the pineapple from the fruit tray on the counter. He twists off the leafy stalk, levels the top and bottom with a quick cut, then quarters and cuts the fruit.

Morse puts Dog’s bowl in the sink, snatches a handful of pineapple chunks and whistles for Dog as he heads for the back door.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” Kaya says, as he gathers the pieces into a cut glass bowl.

“You can stay, if you like. I wouldn’t mind one bit. I will be at work quite a bit, though. But I’d love to have you with me.”

Kaya sighs. “I know. But it’s such a good gig, and LA pays a lot more, too. Plus the networking’s great.”

“Are they paying for a hotel?”

“No need. My friend Yamato lives there. I’m staying with him.”

Declan looks at her and notices her melancholy expression.

“It won’t be the same,” she says. “It will never be the same.”

And he gets it: Yamato is one of her lovers. He’s not sure how to react, so he just smiles.

“It’s your life, Kaya.”

She nods. “It’s weird… a few months ago I would’ve been ecstatic to spend time with him. Now I know you, and Yamato doesn’t. And I have no way to explain it to him.”

He leans on the counter. “Kaya, there’s no need to feel bad about it. I know it’s your thing. I don’t have a problem with it.”

“It’s not even that… I don’t even want to sleep with him right now.”

“You think he’ll be hurt?”

“Maybe.”

“He doesn’t know?”

“Of course he knows. But this is different now.”

“It might be easier once you’re there. Seeing him again… it’ll be nice.”

He sits down across from her and she picks a pineapple piece and puts it in his mouth. It’s delicious and he smiles at her.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. And if you want to sleep with him, you sleep with him. Just don’t worry, and enjoy your time there. I trust you. I will be here when you get back.”

He gets up, fetches two smaller bowls and hands them to her, along with a spoon. “Why don’t you bring some dessert to Bax? He’s been slaving away in the office all evening. I’ll take some to Morse.”

She scoops a good number of pineapple chunks into the bowls and kisses him on the cheek on her way out. Declan slips on his jacket, takes the other bowl and pads to the back door. Morse is sitting on the patio, tossing Dog’s tennis ball. He hands him the bowl and settles down next to him.

“Thish ish good,” Morse mumbles with his mouth full.

“Thanks for being there when it counted,” Declan says. “And thanks for being gone when it counted.”

Morse nods.

“You guys are hot together,” he says. “But it crossed a line there. Too real, you know?”

Declan shivers in the cold night air and Dog runs up to him and tries to climb into his lap.

“When do you have to leave tomorrow?”

Morse pulls out his phone, taps the screen. “Her flight leaves at noon, so… ten?”

“Okay. Come on, Dog. It’s freezing out here. Has he done his thing yet?”

“Yep.”

“All right then.” He gets up and Morse follows him into the house, slurping the rest of the juice from the bowl. Kaya sees him as she joins them in the hall, and she laughs.

“There’s more in the kitchen.”

“Good,” Morse nods. “’Cause I’m going for seconds.”

“And I’m going to bed,” Declan announces.

“Go ahead,” Kaya says. “I’ll put things away, and I’ll be right there.”

Declan understands she wants a moment with Morse and so he leaves them and heads upstairs, Dog right behind him. He takes a quick shower and brushes his teeth, then turns down the bed just as Kaya comes in.

She touches his arm. “Be ready in a minute.”

He listens to her taking a quick rinse as well, and brushing her teeth.

She returns with a bottle of body lotion. “One final pampering,” she says. “You first.”

He lies down on his stomach and sighs deeply as her hands move across his back, massaging the liquid into his skin. “Turn over.”

He watches her as she quickly rubs a good amount over his chest and stomach, his legs and arms – all business but no less loving. She hands him the bottle and he takes his time – touching her is always a treat for him, hearing her sigh with content as he smoothes his hands over her supple skin.

“How come your skin looks so young?”

She rolls over. “My Hopi line, I guess. They don’t age the same way. Wish I had more of it, sometimes.”

He smiles. “What about the Princess Leia dos?”

“Oh, nobody does those anymore. Maybe in re-enactments and such. Heritage days.” She slips under the covers next to him. “My grandma did one for me once, when I was little. I had a headache for months.”

He pulls her into his arms. “I bet you were a cute kid, even so.”

“So were you, I’m sure.”

“Aidan and I were always dressed alike. So we looked even more like identical twins. People love twins.”

She kisses him, smiling. “Yeah, well, if Aidan ever does show his mug again and he’s okay and not averse to the idea, I’ll totally fuck you both. I like twins, too.”

He laughs. “All right,” he says. “It’s a deal. If you can get him to do it, I’m game.”

“I can be very convincing.”

He reaches around to turn off the bedside lamp and she scoots up close, spooning up against his back.

“I wish Saturdays were longer than other days.”

Declan loves how he can feel her say it, against his back.

“Me too.”

She reaches around and places her palm on his chest and he weaves his fingers with hers.

And within minutes he feels himself slipping away, weighing a thousand tons, warm and safe in her embrace.

***

She dreams about having sex with three Declans, all identical, all of them fucking her at the same time; she’s riding the first one with the second one in her ass while she sucks off the third. And it’s incredible, because it’s really him, three times, not a wayward twin brother and a look-alike – all three are him.

And she laughs, and she loves how they are everywhere around her and inside of her; she can’t move, but they all move within her, all in the same rhythm, and she’s the nexus, holding them all together.

She wants it to never end.

***

“Some dream,” he thinks to himself as he listens to her breathing, feels her hips moving against his. He hopes he’s the subject of her night time fantasies, and suddenly the thought crosses his mind that even if that’s not the case, it’s pretty darn hot to listen to her.

Maybe there’s more to this threesome thing than he suspected. And for the first time he understands her affinity for having more than one partner – if only to be able to watch some time, to have the leisure to observe her ecstasy, without being overwhelmed by his own body’s reactions.

Voyeurism has always had porn overtones for him, but he understands that it’s something entirely different when people know each other very well, and when it’s not done in competition.

He thinks back to when they first met – how she had told him she’d love to watch him and Morse, and he gets it. And while he doesn’t know who she’s having sex with in her dream right now he feels like a loving participant by witnessing her desires.

She moans softly, her limbs twitching against his arms and legs, and he smiles to himself, gently stroking her skin.

Her dream ends as suddenly as it started, and her breathing evens out. He doesn’t dare to move, not wanting to wake her. She relaxes against him and he closes his eyes and dozes off again.

***

She wakes in the grey light before dawn. Declan is fast asleep and she carefully scoots off him and out from underneath his arm. He’s rolled over onto his stomach, his left arm reaching out to where she was lying. He’s drooling slightly into his pillow and she smiles at the sight.

Dog whines quietly and she gets up and rubs his face and he licks her hand.

She heads for the bathroom for a quick pee and when she returns Dog has crawled into her spot and she watches in amusement how he gently pushes his head under Declan’s arm, exactly the way she was before.

Dog wags his tail twice and she shrugs, climbing back into bed on the other side, slipping under the blanket and spooning up against Declan.

He never even wakes up and soon she feels herself drifting back off to sleep.

***

She smells different. He cracks open an eye and sees a curly brown mass of fur.

He smiles.

“Yo, Dog,” he says. “When did you get in here?”

Dog rolls over and licks his face. Declan sits up and wipes his cheeks.

It’s just after eight.

Behind him, Kaya stretches and grunts, still half-asleep.

He gently shoves at Dog. “Go on.” Dog yawns and hops off the bed.

Kaya’s hand rubs him between his shoulders. “Hey, gorgeous,” comes her drowsy voice.

He turns around and smiles at her, and she pulls him down for a kiss.

“Had the best dream ever,” Kaya says as they come up for air.

“So I gather.”

“Did I wake you?”

He snickers. “You’re not the quiet type.”

She laughs. “Well, it was you. And you. And you.”

“Wow.” He whistles through his teeth. “I’ll see what I can do about those same-age clones, then.”

“I want you.”

“Now?”

She nods.

He looks at her, loves the heat in her gaze, the naked desire, and he can’t reach for the condoms fast enough, fumbling the sheath onto his cock and seconds later he’s inside of her.

She sighs with contentment and wraps her legs around his hips, digging her heels into his buttocks. He loves how that simple move opens her up more to his penetration, allowing him to sink deeper into her.

Suddenly she grips him hard within and he grunts in surprise.

“Dammit, Kaya…”

“Fuck me already, stud muffin,” she giggles and kicks him none too gently.

He peels her hands off his shoulders and pins them down next to her head. She so tight he’s afraid the condom might pull off, and so he reaches down just to make sure. She cocks her head, waiting for him to grab her wrist again.

It takes him a moment to find his balance, find some purchase, pushing himself up on his arms and spreading his knees to dig in for his first thrust. She throws her head back, biting her lip, and seeing her total surrender beneath him goes to his head like a fast-acting drug. He watches her concentrate, eyes closed, squeezing his cock with every thrust, matching her rhythm perfectly with his own. It’s something new to him, this equal work between partners, where she tries as much to pleasure him as he does for her, even though he has her physically completely under control.

He exhales with a moan. “Shit, Kaya… this is gonna be fast if you keep this up…”

She grins up at him and puckers her lips for a distant kiss, and that’s it, he loses it right then and there, pushing hard into her with shuddering sighs. She follows him a short time later with a strangled cry.

He lets go of her hands, pushes his arms beneath her and rolls them both over so she’s resting on top.

“No,” she gasps. “I want you on top of me.”

“Hmm,” he grumbles. “I like you here just fine.”

She pushes herself up to look at him.

“Why?”

“I can see more of you,” he tries catching his breath. “And I’m afraid of crushing you.”

She leans down and kisses him gently, stroking his face. “Fair enough,” she murmurs. “But I really like to feel your weight on me. I won’t break, trust me.”

“I know. It’s just instinct, I guess. I don’t ever want to hurt you, Kaya.”

She smiles. “You won’t. I won’t let you.”

Climbing off him she quickly peels off the condom and wraps it in a tissue, tossing it expertly into the waste basket against the wall.

Declan laughs. “Damn. Ever considered a pro-basketball career?”

She rests her cheek on his chest.

“I did play basketball, in high school. I was pretty good at it, too.”

“What happened?”

“Twisted my ankle twice in the same game. It stretched my ligament. That was it.” She plays with his nipple. “If I’d torn it they could have fixed it, but you can’t just cut a piece out of a stretched one.”

“Really?”

She turns her head to look at him. “Well, technically you can, but why would you? I wasn’t a major league player or anything. It was just a game, no biggie.”

He sighs. “So you don’t play anymore.”

“Nah, just for fun, with friends. It’s okay, I’m not that much into sports anyway. And now it’s been way too long since it happened.”

He strokes her back, brushing her hair with his fingers.

“Wish I could go to LA with you,” he says. “I’d even sleep with Yamaha.”

She laughs. “Yamato.”

“Whatever. I’m sure he’s a great guy.”

“He is. But he’s not you.”

She scoots up to kiss him, slowly, leisurely, and suddenly he has a moment of panic that he won’t be able to live without her, not even for two weeks. He sits up, pulling her into his arms.

“Listen, Kaya, I know we had agreed no strings attached, and all that. But I’m past that now, and I know it. I’m crazy in love with you, and I want you in my life forever.”

She looks at him, tears glistening in her eyes. She nods.

“I know.”

“I got some thinking to do. I want you more than just a weekend here and there. I promise you I’ll never worry about your other lovers. That’s not the part of you I want. I just…”

He doesn’t know what else to say, and she picks up his hand and kisses his fingers.

“We’ll work it out, Declan,” she whispers. “I want to see you more, too. Be in your life more. And I don’t want to make it difficult for you, and I don’t want to know what it is you really do. But however you can see it work, I’m good with that.”

And once again he wishes with all his heart he could just tell her, knowing fully well it can never happen. If Kaya knew her last bit of freedom would be gone. She would have to give up everything and everyone and there would be no going back for her, ever.

He knows he can’t do this to her, no matter how much he wants her. It’s the price he has to pay.

“Okay,” he finally says. “I just want you to know –“

She places a finger on his lips and shakes her head.

“I know what I got myself into. I always knew. We can make it work for both of us. But now I need to get ready, because I have a flight to catch.”

He kisses her gently and she gets up.

“It’s only two weeks,” she says, brushing her hair back over her shoulders.

He watches her disappear into the bathroom and drops back onto his pillow.

Oddly, she seems far more content with keeping his secret than he is, and he chides himself for doubting her strength, even for a moment. And truthfully, it’s not even her strength he doubts. It’s his own. All these years he’s been the tough guy, with all the charades and the secrecy and the double-life, and he’s always thought it was tough. But now there is someone in his life who also lives with it, and who just simply accepts it.

He’s humbled by the thought of what she must be going through, and how she has the strength to make it a part of her life without worrying – another wrinkle in the naturally messy fabric of her existence.

Maybe one day he’ll find the same level of acceptance.

She’s back, gesturing at the en suite. “All yours,” she says.

He sighs and gets up to take a shower and wash his hair. When he returns she’s already dressed and zips up her suitcase. He picks up the burgundy shirt and puts it on, and she smiles.

She watches him dress the rest of the way and he takes her suitcase and carries it down the stairs.

Bax has already made coffee and is stirring up a bowl of waffle batter.

“Bowl of scrambled eggs,” he nods at the counter, “You just have to cook ‘em.”

“Wow,” Kaya says. “I never have it this good at home.”

Declan chuckles and busies himself with the eggs as Morse comes in for another cup of coffee.

“Mornin’,” he mumbles. “Dog was just outside, he’s good to go.”

Spotting Kaya’s suitcase he sets his mug down and gestures at her. “The rest of your stuff is in the car. You done with this one?”

“Yes, thank you.”

He nods and takes the luggage outside. Declan spoons the eggs on four plates and Bax brings a stack of waffles over. Kaya takes a bite and closes her eyes in rapture. “Oh my gosh,” she gushes. “What is in those things?”

“Cracked black pepper and sour cream,” Bax says. “My mom’s recipe.”

“I’d love to have it. Damn, this is good.”

Declan agrees. It seems his whole crew adores Kaya, and everyone wants to do something special for her. His heart takes a leap when she looks at him and smiles.

Morse joins them and they quickly polish off the food.

“Are you coming with us?”

Declan shakes his head. “I have business stuff to do. Steve will be here any minute. Big conference call tonight.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Monday morning in Tokyo.”

She rolls her eyes at herself. “Of course. Duh.”

Bax takes the dishes and carries them to the sink, and Declan takes Kaya’s arm.

“I want to show you something.”

“Oh?”

“Come on.”

He heads downstairs and she follows him. He turns on the lights and takes a wooden box off a shelf next to the TV.

He’s debated showing his work to her, but suddenly he knows it’s now or never; he wants her to have something other than a space shuttle ball bearing to remind her of him.

Over the years he’s experimented with anodizing titanium – essentially a simple process that he learned as a freshman in college. The creation of the complete rainbow spectrum has always fascinated him and over the years he’s fashioned some small, mostly abstract pieces, only keeping the very best ones. He hasn’t done any since shortly after the lab fire, and he definitely doesn’t have any jewelry yet, but he has a feeling she might appreciate it anyway.

He shows her and her eyes open wide as she looks into the box.

“Good heavens,” she says, as she pulls out a piece. It’s his favorite, a miniature view of Cumberland Island, and Declan remembers that when he made it he liked how the rainbow pattern seemed to show trees and waves. He shaved off tiny pieces to reflect sunlight on the water, and tiny horse-shapes on the shore.

“Where did you get these?”

He shuffles his feet. “I made them.”

“You made them?”

“Yeah. It’s not hard. Getting them to look good is a bit of a hit and miss. I’m not a jeweler.”

“Declan, these are absolutely stunning!”

She sits down, puts the box in her lap and examines each piece.

“Wow.”

“Do you like them?”

“I love them! They are beautiful!”

“Go pick one. Or more. They’re just experiments, but I thought about them the other day.”

She smiles at him, then points at the island-shaped one. “I love this one, but they’re all fantastic!”

“It’s one of my favorites, too. It was inspired by Cumberland.”

“Your island?”

Declan laughs. “Yeah, I wish. I want to take you there someday. It’s incredible. Look, I even tried to put little horses on there. You have to hold it just at the right angle, though.”

She looks stunned as he points out the little scratches on the metal.

“If it’s even half as pretty as this, I can’t wait.”

She kisses him, and he loses himself in the feeling of her lips on his, her palm against his cheek.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I do. Thank you, Declan. This will be a lot easier to carry around than a ball bearing.”

“Or get through security.”

“True! My friend Justin called it a cannon ball.”

“Did you tell him what it was?”

“Yep. He wasn’t fazed by it at all.” She laughs at the memory. “I guess it’s just me, to have weird stuff around.”

He puts the box back on the shelf. “Maybe you can turn it into a necklace or something,” he says, taking her hand.

“I thought the same thing.”

She throws her arms around him. “Thank you,” she whispers. “Thank you so much. For everything.”

He nods. “It’s the least I can do,” he says, a little awkwardly.

She touches his hand. “Will you call me tonight?”

“I’ll try but I might not have the time. But text me when you get there so I know you’re safe.”

“You’re not sending Sameer?”

“No. I trust you to stay out of trouble. You’re a big girl. Besides, you’ll be with friends you can call.”

“Yamaha.”

“Right, Yamaha.” He laughs. “Come on, time to go.”

He follows her back upstairs.

At the door he kisses her one last time, and he has that moment of panic again.

“Love you,” he says.

“Love you, too,” she nods.

He watches her get into the car and waves as Morse pulls away, and he sees her blowing him a kiss.

Then she’s gone.

***

Kaya doesn’t say much on the way to the airport. She stares at the titanium piece, tilting it this way and that, observing how the rainbow colors subtly shift and change with the direction of the sunlight.

“Declan gave you that?” Morse finally says.

“Yeah.”

“It’s pretty. What is it?”

“Anodized titanium.”

“Uh huh.”

“It’s that island off the Georgia coast. Cumberland. He made it himself. I didn’t know he liked doing stuff like that.”

Morse nods. “There’s a lot you don’t know about him.”

She looks out the window, watches the cars they’re passing.

“He’s a bit of a mystery, even after all those years,” Morse says.

She turns to him, studies his face.

“It’s good to have some secrets,” she finally allows.

“Tru dat.”

She takes a deep breath. “It’s gonna be a long two weeks. Will you pick me up when I get back?”

“Of course. Count on it.”

At the terminal Morse pulls into a short-term lot and then helps her get her suitcases to the counter. He nudges her away from the check-in and nods at the next counter.

“I’m not flying first class.”

“Sure you are.”

She gapes at him.

Morse winks at her. “Now go give the nice lady your ID so she can check you in.”

Kaya blushes.

“Thanks, Morse.”

“Steve and Al, actually.”

“Oh man… tell them I said thanks. I really do appreciate it.”

“Okay. Safe travels.”

She gives him a quick hug and he leaves.

Kaya has never flown first class before, and she feels a little awkward amidst the smartly dressed crowd and the nouveau-riche hipsters, but it sure is nice to be able to stretch out her legs and doze in comfort.

Yamato waits for her at the baggage claim in Burbank, and she’s so happy to see him, and at the same time she misses Declan so much it’s like a physical pain, and she cries.

Yamato hands her a tissue, and she shakes her head. “I’m sorry,” she says. “Long story.”

“You can tell me later,” Yamato smiles. “What happened to your hands?”

She picks at the bandages. “I scraped myself on a rock while we were hiking yesterday. It’s nothing.”

“If you say so. Let’s get your rental car and go home.”

She follows him to the small house in Studio City, grateful for not having to worry about parking spaces and being with a good friend in a place she knows well.

She texts Declan as soon as she’s parked the car and Yamato helps her with her suitcases.

“I brought a few hard-to-find costume pieces with me,” she apologizes and Yamato laughs. “I know. You always do.”

Her phone pings and she sees that Declan has sent her a smiley face. She puts the phone away and follows Yamato. “Eric is in Atlanta for the month, and he said you could have his room, if you want. And you can always share with me.”

“Yeah, about that…”

Yamato looks at her. “It’s okay, Kaya,” he says quietly. “It’s your new man, isn’t it?”

She nods.

Yamato pulls her into a hug and strokes her hair. “Don’t worry. I noticed you were different last time I saw you. You were positively glowing."

“I don’t love you any less.”

He smiles. “I know. I understand. I love you just as much as a friend, Kaya. And it’s important to have that big love in your life. He makes you better. More balanced. It’s a good thing that’s happened to you.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Come on, I’ll make some tea.”

Soon she sips the frothy green liquid, leaning her head on Yamato’s shoulder.

“I don’t feel more balanced,” she finally says. “I feel lost without him.”

Yamato takes her cup and puts it down.

“He is the other side of your balance,” he says with quiet urgency. “You’ll have to learn how to accept that. To be separate and yet completely linked.”

“I guess you’re right. Sometimes I feel like he’s the other half of me I never knew I had.”

“Tell me about him.”

And she does – from the first meeting at the mall, meeting Dog, going to the DEA fundraiser, visiting his compound, going on hikes and to concerts and the ballet. She shows him the titanium piece and the ball bearing. “Justin calls it a cannon ball.”

“It looks like a small cannon ball,” Yamato observes. “Sure weighs as much as one.”

She tells him about her feelings for Declan, his crew and the secrecy.

“Maybe he’s a superhero, or a secret agent, or an undercover spy,” Yamato muses. “Or all of the above.”

She knows it’s none of that. Whatever Declan and his crew do is illegal and dangerous, and she doesn’t even want to go there with her friend.

“Maybe he really is a drug dealer.”

She looks at him. He remembered the old joke. Yamato shrugs. “So what? You’re not involved in that. And apparently he has a perfectly legitimate business. So who cares? It’s not why you love him, is it?”

She shakes her head.

He pulls her close and kisses her cheek. “You’ll figure it out. Together.” He picks up the cups and puts them in the sink. “How does that saying go? ‘Some people come into our lives, make footprints on our hearts and we are never the same.’ Joseph Newton, I think.” He smiles. “Anyway, Rich and Tom will be back in the wee hours, so don’t be alarmed. You and I both have early work calls tomorrow so we’d better get ready.”

She gets up. “Thanks, Yamato. You’re the best.”

He raises an eyebrow. “And if you need a warm body tonight, you know where my bed is. I can do that much for you.”

She smiles and heads for the bathroom to take a shower.

Checking her phone she suddenly realizes she doesn’t have a single photo of Declan.

And somehow the discovery stabs her in the heart with a ferocity that makes her cry.

There are plenty of pictures Declan took of her, though, and she thinks of Yamato’s idea of the balance.

Yes, he is there with her in every single picture – it’s his view of her.

The next day she goes to buy a necklace for the titanium island piece.

***

Declan’s work week is long and tedious. The lab is finally back up and running, and production is back to pre-fire levels. Still, Lydia isn’t pleased with the quality of the product Kevin produces, he can tell whenever he talks to her. He doesn’t particularly care about the preferences of central European meth heads; he inherited the market from Heisenberg, and most of the time he finds it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

Needless to say his meth fetches a far lower price than Heisenberg’s Blue Sky, and the whole operation is a pain in the ass. But it’s also a guaranteed pipeline, and so they keep the lab running constantly to keep everyone in his distribution area supplied.

He thinks of Kaya a lot; she calls in whenever possible and sometimes they talk. She seems happy in LA, working on a big-name period show, and Declan loves to hear her talk about the little things that happen between takes, the work she does with the background characters, and he’s thrilled when she’s offered additional responsibilities in the wardrobe department, finding specialty pieces through her contacts for some of the show’s major stars.

He misses her, misses having sex with her, her laugh, her impulsive ideas. Even Dog seems depressed and comes sneaking into his bed every night.

But by and large his life continues as normal. He spends his precious free time working with his small anodizing setup, experimenting with palladium, niobium and tantalum. They’re difficult samples to come by in his line of work, and it’s just enough for a few small pieces. Perhaps he should investigate more government units – the defense industry for one, where he might have a better chance at sourcing those rare metals. But any foray into government dealings will also increase the scrutiny of his business, and while he values Steve’s book-cooking skills he doubts he could cover up things well enough for a full-out government investigation. So his supply lines will remain limited to second-hand dealings with specialty scrap metals.

He buys stock in another small-scale jewelry business to legitimately increase his chances of working with precious metals, and he discovers an actual hobby.

Maybe he can get Kaya to start her own line of specialty jewelry. The idea of going into business with her excites him; it would also provide a convenient cover story for spending time with her. And then he hates himself for the thought - the fact that everything he does must somehow serve to hide his meth business and protect the ones he loves.

He once had a choice. He took on the meth lab, and for the first time in his life he truly wishes with all his heart he had passed on it all those years ago.

Until Kaya came into his life it was all so easy and straightforward. Not easy, he corrects himself, it was never easy per se. But now there is someone in his life who means more to him than the memory of his brother. Sometimes he feels like a traitor to Aidan for entertaining the notion, but he can’t lie to his own heart, and while he desperately waits for Kaya’s return he also understands how much he has changed, that indeed his loyalties have changed.

Getting out of the meth business altogether is not an option – he’s in too deep and any number of people could rat him out. He’d literally have to disappear on another continent and assume a new identity, turning Kaya’s life upside down with a logistical nightmare he has a hard time contemplating.

He scrutinizes the piece of tantalum he’s been working on – really a pattern of thin wires that reminds him of fractal art. He could probably duplicate it into a series of ear rings, a necklace and bracelet, maybe even a ring. Or better yet – a hair band. He picks up his Dremel tool and carves away some of the colorful surface to reveal the shiny silvery-white metal beneath, and the sharp cut makes it sparkle like a jewel.

He holds it up, stunned. It’s really quite mesmerizing to watch the light of his work lamp glint off the surfaces, reflecting tiny specks of light back onto the ceiling – like a miniature mirror ball.

“Morse, come look at this,” he calls out.

Morse ambles over and whistles. “Declan, that’s quite a piece. How’d you do it?”

“I just cut it, like a diamond cut. Cool, eh?”

“Mmhmm.”

Bax shoulders past him. “Declan, Lydia’s on the phone. She’s on her way to Phoenix.”

“What? Why?”

“Says she wants to meet with you.”

“She comes all the way from Houston for a friendly chat?”

“Nope, I think she’s got a deal here in Phoenix and while she’s there she wants to come over.”

Declan groans. “Great. And here I was having such a good day.”

Morse coughs. “I assume you want me to pick her up somewhere, rather than give her directions.”

Declan holds out his hand and Bax gives him the phone, swiping it on.

“Lydia?”

“Hello, Declan. I’m going to be in Phoenix this afternoon. I thought maybe we could meet.”

“Yeah, I’m kind of busy today.”

“You can spare five minutes for your best distributor.”

Declan rolls his eyes. “All right, fine. Call me when you’re ready and I will send a car. Who is with you?”

“Nobody. It’s just me. It’s a Madrigal subsidiary board meeting I’m going to, not a private party.”

Declan laughs. “Always out for fun.”

“Yes. Well. I will be in touch.”

Declan hangs up and sighs.

Kaya is coming back tomorrow and at the moment he doesn’t care much about anything except seeing her again. A meeting with Lydia is but a minor annoyance to him right now. He pockets the art piece, puts his craft supplies away and heads out to the compound with Morse and Bax.

He has a bad feeling about the whole thing; something doesn’t feel right about Lydia’s visit. What could she possibly want that they couldn’t discuss over the phone or Skype? He doesn’t have anything against Lydia personally – she’s a little bit too hyper and over the top for his tastes, and she was probably involved in the killing of the informants in jail, but obviously she knows her stuff and she’s a business partner so he can’t really just turn her away.

Still, he doesn’t like the idea. He wishes Kaya was there to tell him everything would be just fine.

Dog perks up and whines a little and Declan pats his lap.

“She’ll be back tomorrow, old buddy. Just one more day. We can make it till then, right?”

Dog puts his head in his lap and gives him a longing look.

Declan smiles and strokes his head.

***

She texts Declan in the early afternoon. Just a quick note.

“I love you.”

***

He sees the dust of Morse’s SUV coming down the road.

“Stay on the porch, Dog. Be good.”

Dog sighs and settles down to wait.

Declan moves out into the yard to wait for their arrival. His phone pings in the message from Kaya.

He smiles and sends a response: “Love you, too.”

Stuffing his hands into his into his pockets he watches Lydia take off the blindfold and get out of the car.

***

Kaya is the first one off the plane – travelling first class has so many unanticipated perks.

A gate agent motions her to the side: “Somebody is here to see you.”

She looks around and spots Sameer who raises his hand.

Kaya is confused – Morse said he’d pick her up. Maybe he was delayed and sent her shadow instead?

She thanks the gate agent and walks over to Sameer.

“Hey – I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Sameer nods and pulls her over to a row of seats.

“Kaya, you can’t stay here.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

And that’s when she notices Sameer’s blood-shot eyes and her heart drops.

“What happened?”

Sameer shakes his head.

“You have to get on a plane. Here’s a ticket to Atlanta. My cousin or his assistant will pick you up.”

“Sameer?”

“Declan is dead. All of them. I think I might be the only one…” He breaks into tears.

It’s as if the world has slowed down, as if she was under water, noises and sights blurred, incomprehensible.

She takes the ticket, stares at it. Sameer touches her hand.

“It was a massacre – all shot, automatic weapons, police is all over the place, a raid or something.”

“Declan?”

“Shot in the stomach, bullet to the back of the head. Execution-style. The dog was next to him…”

He buries his face in his hands.

“I…” she starts, doesn’t know what to say.

Declan is dead. The love of her life is dead.

“I have to see –“

Sameer pulls her up by the arm. “You can’t. You can’t go there or say anything. You have to leave. Now. My job was to keep you safe. It’s the last thing I can do. Come on.”

She resists but eventually she follows him, too much in a fog to do or say anything else.

“Flight to Atlanta at midnight. You got your ticket. Your luggage is being re-routed. Arjun or Renuka will pick you up at Ground Transportation. Let’s go.”

She follows him. A large TV screen with a local newscast catches her attention: it’s Declan’s compound – she recognizes it immediately. The blocky white house, the lone transformer pole, the service sheds, the old cars. “Ten Slain In Phoenix Junk Yard” the caption reads.

“When?”

“Yesterday afternoon. I got there early this morning. Gate was open, never happens. I found them, called it in from a diner.”

“They killed Dog?”

“Ricochet, probably. Look, you have to go. You’re in shock, Kaya. Come on.”

“What about you?”

“Leaving as soon as you’re on the next plane. I need to take care of a lot of things on Declan’s emergency list. I’ll catch up with you in Atlanta in a few weeks.”

“But my stuff –“

“All taken care of. I spoke to your roommate. Call her when you get to Arjun’s.”

And suddenly she misses Isabel so much she just starts to cry.

Sameer takes her hand.

“He wanted you to be safe,” he says quietly. “If it’s the last thing I do, so come on. I owe him everything.”

And then they’re hugging each other, hanging on for dear life, and Kaya thinks it’s all just a bad dream; she’ll wake up any moment now, and it’s all not true.

But Sameer pulls away and leads her down the walkway. They stop at a Starbucks and he gets her a large herbal tea, presses a small pink pill into her palm.

“Sleeping pill,” he says. “You need rest.”

They arrive at the gate and he talks to the agent who takes her ticket. “Don’t worry, we’ll get her there,” she says to Sameer who hands her a money envelope.

“Go,” Sameer says. “I will see you soon. Remember, look for Arjun or Renuka. They will have a sign with your name on it.”

“At ground transportation,” Kaya nods, not wanting to let go of him.

He hugs her briefly, then the gate agent takes her arm. “We’re not boarding for another half hour, but we’ll get you on now, so you can have some privacy.”

At the door Kaya turns around, but Sameer is already gone. The agent settles her in first class and hands her the tea.

“Feel free to make calls until we leave.”

Kaya nods. Then she’s alone.

She looks out the window into the blinding work light outside, then pulls out her phone.

“Love you, too,” reads the last message.

She leans against the bulkhead and cries.

When general boarding starts she takes the pill and checks her seat belt. She dozes off before the plane is in the air.

She dreams of Dog, hiking along a hot dusty trail. There are rocks strewn throughout, making walking difficult. Dog has picked up a scent and strains hard on the leash, then suddenly veers off the trail into the featureless desert. The heat makes the air look like liquid water on the ground. There is a low green mountain in the distance. Dog barks at wild horses crossing their path. She trusts he knows where he’s going. The trail is gone, and she knows they are in uncharted terrain now.

She wakes up as the plane lands with a bump. Looking around she realizes there are not many people on the plane – nobody likes a red-eye. It’s dawn outside, just before sunrise. There is a warm blanket draped over her – she does not recall putting it there.

Feeling surprisingly awake she checks her phone. No messages.

She grabs her bag and heads down the gangway to the gate. Following the signs to the baggage claim area she gets on an automated train full of bleary-eyed people and emerges in the terminal.

Walking along the corridor she suddenly has a moment of déjà-vu: a photo of a green island in shiny silvery water, wild horses grazing in front of old live oaks. “Cumberland Island National Seashore,” the large illuminated display says. She stops and looks at it, then takes a photo of the visitor center information printed in the corner.

A few minutes later she spots a woman in a traditional sari holding up a sign with her name. Without hesitating for even a second she walks right past her and on towards the baggage carrousels. Her bags appear as if on cue and she rolls them down to the rental car counters and books a car for two weeks. She purchases a Georgia road map at the counter, knowing nothing about cell coverage in the area, signs the papers and takes her key. A shuttle bus takes her to her car.

As she loads the bags into the trunk she feels a tiny stab of guilt about not doing as she was asked, but with every second it becomes clearer to her where she must go instead.

The sun is well above the horizon as she leaves the airport, heading south on I-75.

She stops at a Wal Mart off the interstate and buys a tent, sleeping bag and backpack, plus a number of other camping accessories.

She calls Isabel later.

“I heard about it on the news,” Isabel says. “Your guy told me not to talk to anyone. Justin and I packed up your stuff. We can ship it out anytime.”

“I’ll be back soon.”

“Kaya, just be safe, okay? We don’t know what went on there. Right now you need to be gone for a bit. We understand and we’re not talking. I’ve called Yamato as well. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of things here. And I’m going to be in Atlanta in a few weeks for a conference, anyway, I can bring whatever you need.”

They cry on the phone, and Isabel promises to collect as much information about the massacre as she can. “There hasn’t been much else beyond the initial report,” she says. “My guess is the investigators need the time and space.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Kaya says.

“Yes, you do. You’re going to that island. And you’re going to take the time to think. And you’re going to go on, and I will see you soon.”

She stops at several more stores along the way, stocking up on groceries and items she forgot, and finally she pulls over at a rest stop off I-16 and takes a nap on a picnic bench. She continues on I-95 and arrives in St Marys in the early afternoon, checking into a small motel near the submarine base; then she heads down to the National Seashore headquarters and buys a ticket for the ferry and a camping permit.

She browses through a few antique stores and eats dinner at the waterfront, then watches TV for a few hours. There’s a PBS special about the history of Cumberland Island, and it takes her mind off things.

But when she goes to bed the tears come again unbidden, and she feels lonelier than she ever has in her entire life. The thought of Declan’s body lying in the dirt for an entire night makes her want to smash something. She wants to be there so badly, wants to touch his corpse, just to know that this is real, that it’s not some weird dream. She wants to kiss him goodbye, touch his face, his hands.

She wants to dig a hole by herself, see him buried properly, find some closure.

In reality she knows he’s being autopsied, and the mere thought makes her want to throw up.

She finally cries herself to sleep.

She gets up in the first light of dawn, packs the last few things in her backpack, stashes her suitcases in the trunk of the car and checks out of the motel. She parks the car close to the ferry dock, about half a block away, under a patch of gnarly live oaks where campers leave their vehicles.

On the ferry she rents a bicycle for the week from the concessioner and then she tucks herself against the railing of the bow of the boat. It’s a gray day with a fine drizzle and fog, and as she watches the water slide by the boat she notices there are dolphins playing alongside it, racing it for fun.

The island appears out of the mist among the marshes, and she immediately spots a small group of horses wandering along the shore. And despite the dreary weather she recognizes the view from the titanium piece Declan made. She touches her chest, feels for it under her shirt.

There are a small number of day trippers getting off at the first dock, but she’s the only overnight camper, staying on board for the next stop at the Ranger Station. She hauls her stuff up the long walkway and patiently sits through the mandatory briefing.

She’s a pro when it comes to camping, but this is her first time on a barrier island, and she’s a little surprised at the scarcity of fresh water, but of course this is the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, and like many islands this one relies on rain water.

After receiving her permit tag she steps out onto the porch, ready to find her camp site.

“Hello Kaya.”

Declan. It’s Declan’s voice.

“I knew you’d come.”

She gasps, completely spooked, and slowly turns around.

It’s not Declan, and it is Declan. Declan without a beard, wearing a ranger’s uniform, hands stuffed into his pockets. He bites his lip and looks at her.

“Aidan,” she breathes.

The man nods.

“How did you know?”

Aidan shrugs. “Declan told you about ‘his’ island, I’m sure. And when Renuka said you walked right past her…”

Kaya stares at him. He could be Declan’s identical twin – the same deep brown eyes, the same height and build, the same curly brown hair.

She sets her backpack down.

“He’s dead,” she says.

Aidan nods. “I know,” he says. “And it’s my fault for getting him into the whole mess to begin with.”

Somehow this rubs her the wrong way. “Declan made his own decisions to do what he did,” she says, none to friendly, her anger rising. “What you did was run away and leave him alone.”

Aidan wipes his face and walks over to her, then sits down on the porch bench.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, just staring at the wood plank floor.

“I lost my brother,” he finally whispers. “And it may not look that way to you, but I loved him with all my heart.”

She feels helpless, not sure what to do. She wants to run, wants to hit him, wants to hug him.

Finally she sits down next to him.

“What was it he did, anyway?”

Aidan shakes his head. “If he didn’t want you to know, it’s not for me to tell. I owe him that much.”

He looks at her and there are tears in his eyes. It breaks her heart, and she has to tell herself that it’s not him, it’s not the man she loves, it’s his good-for-nothing brother who caused him nothing but grief his entire life, and then left him to his own devices.

She gestures at him.

“You’re a park ranger. He thought you were in New Zealand.”

“I was, for a long time. I got married, got dual citizenship. Got a degree in wildlife biology. Wanted to start a family. It didn’t work out. No kids. Had a few more relationships that went nowhere. I came back about a year ago. Been with the Park Service since then.”

“He thought you were dead.”

He looks at her. “I made his life miserable. It was better that way.”

“He loved you, all the same.”

“I know. I didn’t deserve it. And now I can never make it up to him.”

He leans back against the side of the house, blows out a breath.

“You look so much like him.”

“We always did. Even though we’re only fraternals, as you probably know. I even shaved my head in New Zealand. Didn’t want to be like him.” He looks at his watch. “My shift ends at 3. I’ll take you to your campsite. Maybe we can talk later.”

She watches him pile her stuff into a wheeled cart and he gestures at the bicycles in the rack next to the building. “Pick one, then follow me.”

As he pulls the cart down the sandy path she chooses a light blue beach bike – it reminds her of the aqua aura crystals that Declan named his business after.

Aidan is well down the road when she catches up with him.

“Mind the horses,” he says. “They’re used to people, but they’re not friendly. Just stay out of their way.”

“All right,” Kaya says. She takes a deep breath. The air is clean and fragrant with a spicy smell and salt.

“Most beautiful place on Earth,” Aidan says. “Declan loved it here. We went camping here as kids many times. I guess that’s why I came back.”

He points out the bath house and leads her to her site.

“Need help setting up?”

“No, thanks.”

“All right. I’ll be back after the second ferry and the orientation.”

Kaya surveys the site. It’s not visible from the trail, affording plenty of privacy. There is a fire ring and a picnic table, and an elevated food cage. She pitches her tent and unpacks her supplies. She brought some firewood but it’s too damp to set up anything, so she checks out the bath house and then wanders down the boardwalk to the beach in the mild drizzle.

The sky is the color of lead over the dark gray water. Whitecaps crown the waves as they break a short distance offshore. The sand is blindingly white, even on an overcast day like this, fine as sugar, like snow, almost.

She notices another dolphin playing in the surf. There’s nobody else at the beach here. Way down to the South she can barely make out the few daytrippers who came over on the ferry with her, weaving in and out of the mist.

She finally sits down on a driftwood log and zips up her rain coat. It’s a reasonably warm day but the slow wind is steady and constant and seems to go straight though her, as if there was no flesh on her bones, and she feels skeletal and drained.

Aidan is alive.

She wants to hate him, but she can’t. Deep inside she’s absurdly grateful to have some semblance of Declan in her life; just looking at him made her feel strangely better.

He’ll never be to her what Declan was, but he might understand.

She cries, and the wind dries her tears and at the same time mists her cheeks with moisture.

“I brought you some coffee,” comes Aidan’s voice, shaking her out of her thoughts. She looks up. Aidan has changed into civilian clothing and a rain cape, and he holds out a steel mug to her. She accepts it gratefully and he sits down next to her.

And they talk.

She tells him about the places they went, their hikes, the fun they had together, the secrecy she learned to live with, his crew, his friends. And she tells him about Dog.

“That’s Declan,” Aidan smiles. “Only he would name a dog ‘Dog’.”

“It wasn’t actually his name.”

“I know – he probably felt he didn’t have the right to give him a name, since he might already have one. That’s Declan for you. He was always like that.”

She looks at him, and she starts to cry again. Aidan takes her mug and pushes it into the sand, then puts his arms around her and she holds him for a long time.

“I love him so much,” she whispers.

“I know,” he says. “Believe me, I understand.”

She pulls back after a while, picks up her mug again.

“So obviously you know Sameer’s cousin. Was this all a setup, too?”

Aidan raises an eyebrow.

“I’ve known Arjun and Sameer for a very long time. We met in New Zealand. They got in trouble hiking, and I helped them out. I was a park ranger there, too. We kept in touch. I asked Arjun to find Declan. He sent Sameer to work for him. It was my way of making sure Declan was doing all right. I kept tabs on him, just enough to know he was okay, while Sameer worked security for him on and off. So when I came back I knew pretty much everything. And when you came into the picture, and I heard how happy you made him, I knew I had to do something to keep you safe. Just in case.”

“An elaborate setup, but a setup all the same.”

Aidan squirms a little. “I guess… Call it fortuitous circumstances. Arjun’s job is legit, as is Sameer’s. It’s really just networking. Someday I knew it would pay off.”

“Sameer is a spy, then.”

Aidan shrugs. “You can call it what you want.” He sighs. “I was going to come back, you know.”

“Why’d you wait so long?”

There’s a long pause. “Guilt, I think. Too chicken to do anything about it. Declan was doing well, and I knew coming back into the picture would have just complicated his life. I’d done enough of that already.”

“It never occurred to you that he missed you, too?”

Aidan looks away. “I underestimated him, just the way I always have. Now he’s gone, and I’ll never get another chance.”

Kaya nods, then looks at him. "It's weird that he never suspected."

"Maybe he did. He probably did."

"He dreamed of you."

Aidan smiles sadly. "Might be a twin thing."

"Funny how the background checks for Sameer never turned you up."

"I got lucky," Aidan shrugs. "Besides, I lived in that world long enough to know how to slip through the cracks."

They watch the shore birds for a while. Aidan points out the different types, and he has interesting tidbits about all of them. “They’re sometimes hard to tell apart. Interesting, though, how they all group together. Strength in numbers, as it were.”

Suddenly there is a break in the clouds and the sun comes out. Aidan gets up. “Aren’t you hungry?”

“A little.”

“I brought some things for you.”

“I got my own food.”

“Of course. Maybe we can share?”

She unzips her raincoat – it’s getting rapidly hot and steamy in the sun. Aidan takes off his cape and her breath hitches when she sees that of all things he’s wearing a burgundy shirt. He walks back to the boardwalk and she follows him to the campsite. She notices he’s set up a log pile in the fire pit and covered it with a tarp. There are a few bundles on the picnic table.

She looks at him quizzically.

“I don’t know if you just want to be alone this week. But I brought my gear, just in case, if you want some company.”

“Yes,” she blurts out, knowing fully well that being by herself would only throw her into bottomless despair.

“All right. Thank you, Kaya. I took the week off, too. Death in the family, after all.”

“I wish I could go to the funeral.”

Aidan smiles at her, a little melancholy. “There won’t be one. At least, not for a while. Declan donated his body to medical research. After the autopsy, med students will work him over – there won’t be a lot left afterwards. And it might take a year or so. Maybe longer.”

Kaya nods. “I’m doing the same. I just hope they could use some organs for donations.”

“Doubtful, but possible. It was a really cold night, so there might be some tissues they could have recovered. Retinas, all that. I don't know exactly what the rules are. How long tissues remain viable. Probably longer in the cold.”

Kaya winces, but she hopes that at least a tiny part of Declan’s wishes were fulfilled.

“Do you always camp on duty?”

“No, not normally. I have an apartment in St. Marys. And If I stay overnight, there are the dorms, over near the Dungeness ruins. If you want a hot shower I can take you down there.”

“Maybe tomorrow. I’m good for today.”

He nods and starts setting up his tent.

“Where’d you get the shirt?”

He turns, looks at her in confusion. “The Mall in Brunswick, I forget what store. Why?”

“Declan had the same one.”

Aidan smiles sadly and assembles the tent poles.

“We always had similar tastes, growing up. I used to think he was just aping me. Apparently it’s a twins thing, all the same.”

She watches him put his gear together, notices him occasionally wiping his eyes, and her heart goes out to him. At least she has no regrets about her time with Declan.

Later in the evening Aidan lights the fire and opens a bottle of wine. It’s Lambrusco, of course – Sameer was obviously a good observer.

They talk until the fire is down to embers, then wash up and crawl into their tents.

Kaya gets up in the middle of the night. It’s quite chilly and a waning gibbous moon is high up in the sky. She has to pee and upon her return she stops short as she hears Aidan sobbing in his tent.

“Aidan?”

He sniffles. “Yeah.”

“Open up.”

He unzips the tent and she climbs inside, and seconds later he’s in her lap, crying uncontrollably. She rubs his back, letting her own tears go, and for a long time they don’t speak, sharing their loss and their grief.

Eventually she lies down and spoons up against him. His hitching breaths keep her awake for a long time, and she just holds him, stroking his arm. He falls asleep after a while, and she dozes off as well.

They wake after dawn, at the loud chattering of a squirrel.

He turns to look at her and her breath catches – he looks so much like Declan that her heart breaks all over again. They lie next to each other for a while, holding hands, not talking, each hanging after their own thoughts.

Then she goes to wash her face and he fixes breakfast.

They walk along the beach, hike through the forest, bike along the low tide line, watch the horses and the birds.

They talk – about Declan, about themselves, about anything under the sun.

They sleep in Aidan’s tent, holding each other every night, when the grief becomes overwhelming.

They get close, and she finds him to be a much nicer person than she had expected. She enjoys being with him, and not just because he’s so much like Declan, but because he’s a genuinely kind man – someone who’s sown his wild oats, who’s been through a lot and lost everything he loved not once but twice, and who has found a center in his life.

There’s something very Zen about Aidan, something calm and vulnerable at the same time, a cockiness that has mellowed into a thoroughly loveable balance of curiosity and contemplation.

She finds she loves him for who he is – not just because he’s Declan’s brother. Their love for him is very much the base for their developing friendship, but she finds him to be comforting on his own merit. His bisexuality is attractive to her – although unlike her he’s always been committed to only one partner at a time, and after Marco’s death most of them had been women. But he understands her feelings, and she feels safe talking to him about her lovers.

And not once does he make a move on her, and she respects him for that. Even though they sleep in the same tent every night, wrapped around each other, he never touches her other than for comfort.

Some nights she wishes for more, wants his weight on top of her, wants to know his kiss, because even though his body is warm against hers she’s desperately lonely. He knows it, too. And then he holds her close, stroking her hair, caressing her hands, her fingers.

“You don’t want me,” Aidan whispers. “You want him. It’s okay. I wish I could do more for you. Maybe some day. But right now we both just want him back.”

She knows he’s right, of course, and she loves him for understanding her so well.

They cry together, and they laugh together. And they share their memories of Declan.

The days pass. They wade in the surf, build sand castles and collect shells and use them for decoration. They spend a few hours every afternoon doing a beach cleanup, gathering washed-up debris and hauling it to the Ranger Station. For Kaya, it feels more and more like a vacation.

“Too bad I need to leave tomorrow,” Kaya says at the end of the week.

She looks at Aidan’s broad back, as he prepares dinner on the tiny propane stove.

“I know,” comes his voice. He turns the flame down, sits next to her.

“You’ll go to Atlanta. Arjun is waiting. You can stay on permanently, if you like it. Sameer has friends that will arrange for your household to be moved, if you want.”

“What about you?”

Aidan contemplates his hiking boots, wipes some sand off his laces.

“I’ll be here. I hope you’ll come visit. You can always stay at my place. Or you can come here.”

She touches his cheek. “You’re not him,” she whispers. “You’ll never be him. And that’s a good thing, believe me.”

Aidan looks away.

“You’re a good guy, Aidan. I know that now. And I need you.”

He nods. “I – yes. I never thought…”

She lays her head on his shoulder and sighs. He strokes the back of her hand.

“Maybe you can come down here over the holidays?"

She sits up, smiles at him.

“I’d like that.”

“Me too.”

He spoons the food onto her plate and eats his portion straight out of the pot. She washes the dishes while he starts the campfire. They sit and stare into the flames, engaged in quiet conversation.

“I want to show you something,” Aidan says, as the fire has almost died down. He digs out his phone, shuffles through his pictures, then hands it to her.

She stares at the screen and her heart almost stops: it’s a photo of her and Declan at the DEA fundraiser. “I googled it,” Aidan explains, “after Sameer told us all about the fancy party you went to and didn’t take any pictures. It was on the Phoenix DEA website.”

Kaya is speechless – she never thought of the official photographers at the event.

“They’ve taken the photos down now, except for a few with the mayor and stuff. But I’ll send it to you. Here you go.”

Kaya feels the tears come again.

“There are no pictures of us,” she whispers. “Just that one. We made love that night. Our first time.”

Aidan nods.

“Listen, I know I can never replace Declan in your life. I wouldn’t want to, ever. But I’m so glad you came here and we got to meet and we got to be friends. You’re a wonderful person, and I understand why Declan loved you so much.”

Kaya smiles. “You’re so different from him. But you’re also so much like him. So much of him is in you. And you’re very much your own person, too.”

He touches her cheek with the back of his fingers, a sweet and tender gesture she received from Declan more than once, and her breath hitches a little.

“I’d like to go back to Phoenix and plant a tree for him. Sometime in the future, when all of this has blown over. Would you come with me?”

“Of course I will.” She cocks her head and contemplates his face. “My turn.”

She pulls out the necklace with the titanium piece Declan made.

“What is it?”

She holds it up into the flickering light from the fire, and he whistles through his teeth when he sees the sparkling object.

“Declan made it.”

“It’s beautiful. Anodized titanium, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah. We talked about starting a jewelry line with precious rare metals, while I was in LA. He had more. They were all incredible. This one is Cumberland Island. Look.”

She tilts it towards the firelight, and he touches it reverently.

“Amazing,” he breathes. “I can even make out the horses.”

She kisses the piece, then tucks it away again.

“I wonder what will happen to all his stuff. And the house.”

“It’s all going to various charities. Unless they seize it as evidence.”

“Well, whatever evidence you mean – I certainly never figured it out. I mean, I’m not a detective or anything, but the house was very vanilla. I just hope the rest of his artwork is going to be appreciated by someone.”

“I’m sure Matilda and Sameer got the good stuff out right away.”

“Matilda? The housekeeper?”

“Yeah. She took care of him for a long long time. I think the house might actually be in her name.”

“I wish there was someone left out there. Some of his crew. They were all good guys. Scary-looking, on occasion, but hearts of gold, every single one I met. Especially Morse and Bax.”

“The driver and the bodyguard?”

“Yeah. I wish I knew who did it. Because nothing would stop me to bring them to justice.”

“Maybe you will. Maybe we’ll do it together. But my guess is that whoever did it had enemies themselves that will probably do them in some day.”

“I don’t ever want to know what really went down out there. But they were good guys. Nobody is all bad, Aidan. You’re the perfect example for that. Everyone has redeeming qualities. And I might be starry-eyed here, because I never knew Declan any other way, but he didn’t deserve this. Not like that. Not Dog, too.”

“I know,” Aidan says. “What a waste of life.”

He takes her hand, squeezes it lightly. “It will all be made right. For now, all we can do is honor his memory, and stay safe. Sameer’s got his ear to the ground. He’ll let us know when he finds something.”

That night she dreams of Declan and Aidan. And this time, even in her dream she knows who is who. Both have a gunshot wound to the stomach, both are bleeding, but there they are, taking care of each other. She makes love to both of them, and their blood is on her, and then there is a gunshot wound in her stomach as well. It doesn’t hurt. It’s just what they have in common. And they clean each other up and carefully hide their wounds as they go on a hike on the island together.

She remembers thinking in her dream that maybe all of them are dead now, but at least they’re together.

She wakes up, strangely comforted by the image.

Maybe someday she and Aidan will be more than friends. She asks herself whether she could have fallen in love with Aidan if she’d never met Declan.

Probably, she thinks. She promises him to drive down to see him any chance she gets.

She waves at him as the ferry pulls away, until she can no longer see him.

There are horses in the marsh, palm trees next to live oaks. The sun is setting in a spectacularly fiery display. The dolphins are racing the boat as it meanders between the tidal marshes and smaller barrier islands on the way back.

It will always be Declan’s island to her. Not just because of the name, but because she found some measure of peace there, a way to go on, a human connection.

Knowing that her spur-of-the-moment decision to come here was the right thing to do gives her a whole new tie to what she’s lost, and she understands that even though Declan is gone from her life her love for him will always be real.

She remembers the Rumi quote she’s always treasured, and for the first time she truly understands what it means:  
“Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.”

It’s the truth for her and Declan.

***

 

 

 **_"Midnight Train To Georgia"_ **  
**_by Gladys Knight and The Pips_**

 _L.A. proved too much for the man_  
_(Too much for the man, he couldn't make it)_  
_So he's leaving a life he's come to know, ooh_  
_(He said he's going)_  
_He said he's going back to find_  
_(Going back to find)_  
_Ooh, what's left of his world_  
_The world he left behind not so long ago_

 _He's leaving_  
_(Leaving)_  
_On that midnight train to Georgia, yeah_  
_(Leaving on the midnight train)_  
_Said he's going back_  
_(Going back to find)_  
_To a simpler place and time, oh yes he is_  
_(Whenever he takes that ride, guess who's gonna be right by his side)_  
_I'll be with him_  
_(I know you will)_  
_On that midnight train to Georgia_  
_(Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia, woo woo)_  
_I'd rather live in his world_  
_(Live in his world)_  
_Than live without him in mine_  
_(Her world is his, his and hers alone)_

 _He kept dreaming_  
_(Dreaming)_  
_Ooh, that some day he'd be a star_  
_(A superstar, but he didn't get far)_  
_But he sure found out the hard way_  
_That dreams don't always come true, oh no, uh uh_  
_(Dreams don't always come true, uh uh, no, uh uh)_  
_So he pawned all his hopes_  
_(Woo, woo, woo-woo)_  
_And even sold his old car_  
_(Woo, woo, woo-woo)_  
_Bought a one way ticket back to the life he once knew_  
_Oh yes he did, he said he would_

 _Oh-oh, he's leaving_  
_(Leaving)_  
_On that midnight train to Georgia, yeah_  
_(Leaving on a midnight train)_  
_Said he's going back to find, ooh_  
_(Going back to find)_  
_A simpler place and time, ooh, yeah_  
_(Whenever he takes that ride, guess who's gonna be right by his side)_  
_I'm gonna be with him_  
_(I know you will)_  
_On that midnight train to Georgia_  
_(Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia, woo woo)_  
_I'd rather live in his world_  
_(Live in his world)_  
_Than live without him in mine_  
_(Her world is his, his and hers alone)_

 _Ooh, he's leaving_  
_(Leaving)_  
_On the midnight train to Georgia, yeah, ooh y'all_  
_(Leaving on the midnight train)_  
_Said he's going back to find_  
_(Going back to find)_  
_Ooh, a simpler place and time, ooh y'all, uh-huh_  
_(Whenever he takes that ride, guess who's gonna be right by his side)_  
_I've got to be with him_  
_(I know you will)_  
_On that midnight train to Georgia_  
_(Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia, woo woo)_  
_I'd rather live in his world_  
_(Live in his world)_  
_Than live without him in mine_  
_(Her world is his, his and hers alone)_

 _For love, gonna board the midnight train to ride_  
_For love, gonna board, gotta board the midnight train to go_  
_For love, gonna board, uh huh, the midnight train to go_  
_My world, his world, our world, mine and his alone_  
_My world, his world, our world, mine and his alone_  
_I got to go_  
_I got to go_  
_I got to go, hey_  
_I got to go_  
_I got to go_  
_My world, his world, my man, his girl_  
_I got to go_  
_I got to go, oh_  
_I got to go_  
_My world, his world, our world, his girl_

Listen to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdfZnWsps34).

 

**ARTWORK FOR "MIDNIGHT TRAIN TO GEORGIA"**

by Shenandoah Risu

[ ](http://www.louisferreira.org)

 

 

by Nicky Gabriel

[ ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2750477/chapters/6731657%20)

 

 

Please support Louis Ferreira's preferred charities at <http://www.louisferreira.org>

 [](http://www.louisferreira.org)

 

 

 

 


End file.
